


The Gods Hate Me

by Soulless227



Category: DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Bullying, C-PTSD, Death, Depression, Dissociation, Fear, Genderfluid, General Mental Illness Things, Gradual aging, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, I'm not sorry, Implied Murder, Many chapters, Much plot, Multi, Nightmares, Reincarnation, Set in Berk, Transmasculine reincarnated into Testosterone coded body, Viking things, long fanfiction, much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 22:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10795881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulless227/pseuds/Soulless227
Summary: Modern day OC, Ryan Cassata, who happens to be genderfluid dies and reincarnates as… da da dah! You guessed it! Hiccup. Slow build, will be much amusing angst, and warm moments. Warnings inside. Updates weekly (I try). Much plans, many plot.





	1. Chapter 1. Is Waking Up Supposed to be this Hard?

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Sup, so, uh, first of... I don't write well so sorry for the awkward grammar and repetitive language... also sorry if this first chapter is a bit boring... as others may be since I'm just writing to clear my head, also may never finish writing this... just warning you... And uhm feel free to critique, just no hate? Please?
> 
> Anyway, this is a reincarnation fic where my OC is reincarnated as Hiccup. This story will (eventually) involve major plot divergence, LGBTIQQAS+ themes/characters, as well as polyamory, for the tame stuff, the rest
> 
> (Trigger Warning: Implied R*pe, Implied Murder, Dissociation, Dealing with C-PTSD, Mild Bullying, and lots of really lame paragraphs)

Waking to darkness, I cringe at the sounds of wailing, wondering what sweet hell I'd woken to. Feeling a bit disoriented, I found I was not really able to open my tired eyes and see what was going on.

Strange unfamiliar voices seemed to murmur in concern over the bleating of what I now distinguished as a baby's wail, which I immediately decided must mean I was dreaming. This left me with two options; try to wake up and potentially be irritable, or try to slip into a deeper sleep despite the obvious dream signal that my body wants me awake.

Deciding a few minutes more wouldn't really matter, I relaxed my mind and tried lulling myself into a deeper sleep, which strangely enough ended the wailing. Not that I was complaining.

Feeling the darkness of dreamless sleep I sighed happily in my mind.

The next time I 'awoke' I guess, _considering the other time I was dreaming,_ I blinked open my eyes finding it harder than usual. _Guess I really needed to sleep longer._

Rolling around I tried to sit up finding my limbs not cooperating and feeling reallyyyy awkward.

Hearing odd voices around me I decided to look around, wondering why people were in my room… again. I sighed remembering my cheerful housemate invited her girlfriend over the night before.

Lifting heavy lids that had slid closed in the last five seconds of thought I frowned at the blurry wooden ceiling, confused. _This isn't my room,_ I thought, wondering if I was dreaming still when a big hand reached down and brushed the side of my head. Staring wide eyed at it, it was _huge_ , I followed the arm it belonged to, also huge, all the way up to the owner of said-ginormous limb only to meet large, mostly blurry, green-eyes. And a whole lot of read hair.

The face came closer as I furrowed my brows at this obviously strange dream until I face I was actualy familiar with.

Not in a 'I've met this person' kind of familiar, no more of 'I've agonised over hours of this character in a tv show/movie/anime for so long I could draw them in my sleep'.

Apparently Stoic the Vast was featuring in my dreams now.

Not that he hadn't before… Just… normally he showed up mid way through the dream for maybe… five seconds?

Feeling myself being lifted up into the air I flailed uselessly only to come face to beard with the hulking Viking holding me in his arm, allowing me to see more of the room. As everything was still mostly blurry I could only make out some stairs not too far away and an intricate cradle with a carving of two green dragons facing each other. _Impressive, and here I thought my dreams weren't visually creative._

"Valka! Hann er vakandi," Stoic yelled startling a squeak out of me. _Great so now I hear gibberish in my dreams too now_ , I thought with a sigh as tried to work out what kind of plot this dream might have.

Glancing down at the cradle again I figured I must be baby Hiccup, maybe not long before the dragon raid. It's certainly first to be dreaming about being a baby... but maybe it was the hormones from pregnancy or maybe my subconcious trying to fathom what it'll be like being a father? Sighing, I wondered why I couldn't just have a normal pre-parental dream. Y'know, where _I'm_ the parent. _Stupid subconscious making things weird._

Footsteps stomped loudly up the stairs as a tall blur came into view. The closer the got, the easier it was to make out the angular face, the wide light-coloured eyes, and a small pert nose. _Oh, it's Valka, definitely pre-dragon raid._

Settling into the dreaming mind state I waited to see what would happen, not bothering to control my dream self. I mean, I'm a baby? What can I do aside from be a witness to the story.

Valka reached her arms out for me, taking me... Hiccup, from Stoic's arms giggling out some words in more of the same gibberish from earlier. Listening to them banter in the strange words I smiled sleepily, wondering if I could remember the words when I wake up, maybe add to what my friend Ariel called Ry-lish, my butchered way of speaking when tired.

Smiling in contentment I felt myself being jostled as I was taken down the stairs and saw the rest of the house. It was smaller than I expected but very cosy, with a fur rug, a large chair by the fireplace, a small dining table with little chairs, and a few cupboards. It was quaint, even if it was more detailed than most of the scenery I saw in dreams.

Valka sat down in the large chair, covered in what I assumed was yak fur, and proceeded to coo at me.

To be honest, I found it cute, and a little funny, experiencing this dream as a baby and decided to play along, grabbing at her finger and giggling happily at the words I knew no meaning for. Each gibberish word was filled with so much love and affection I would not have found it odd to hear it from several of my friends as they play-wrestled with me, warming my heart just a bit.

This continued for a bit until Stoic cuddled us both and left with some affectionate, and apparently cheeky words that had Valka smacking him. Grinning at the exchange, I decided I was content with this dream; it'd been a while since I'd had one so… warm.

That thought was shortly crushed however as Valka decided it was feeding time.

Now, it's not that I was ashamed of breast-feeding; it's just that being the baby receiving sustenance in that way did not appeal to me. Considering I was twenty-three this year, and highly independent, this was mortifying.

Shuddering, I chose to attempt a dream change, or even just wake up.

This resulted in nothing, so I attempted a deeper sleep again, which worked out fine as I felt myself drifting off.

I floated through this phase of deep, dreamless sleep and weird, awkward dreams of being a helpless baby for what felt like a week.

It was during another one of these dreams that I started getting frustrated. I wanted to be awake and I was sick of waiting for my alarm to forcifully pull me out of this mess. I was _boooooored_. I've even gotten used to the feedings now, and the other uncomfortable helpless baby stuff. Like, sure, listening to Valka and Stoic sing cute songs to each and banter and sometimes fight is _cute_ the first seven or eight times but after that it got boring, so boring I had to entertain myself for what felt like hours by pointing at things and having Valka or Stoic name it in whatever language they were speaking.

Frustrated I rolled over in Valka's lap and started looking for something to hurt myself with. _That's how people normally wake up, right?_ Finding nothing within reach I figured I'd wait for Stoic to come grab me, or…

Eyeing my small baby fist I tried biting it, only to be unnerved by the sensation of wet toothless gums on my hand and the uncomfortable feel of the gums sensitivity.

Sighing, I stopped and looked around again. Maybe…

Glancing up at Valka, I saw that she was still asleep, her hands loosely holding me to her.

Slowly, gently, I nudged her hands away from me and tried rolling off her lap. _Then, as I'm about to hit the floor, I'll wake up in a panic, but hey, I'll be awake._

Sadly, that's not how it worked out. Instead as I was about to achieve flight, Valka woke up and screeched, swooping me up in her arms securely.

_Damn it Valka, ruining my plans. I JUST WANT OUT._

Growling in my little baby voice, I listened to her coo at me and shush me as if I'd had a fright, really only irritating me more.

"Stoic!" she called as the front door slammed open.

Rolling my eyes over to the chief I reached little hands at him, making grabby motions. Valka chattered very quickly as she handed me over to him and checked me over while I was in his arms.

With a sigh, I scrunched my eyebrows and tried reaching for Stoic's helmet, knowing it was probably wrong to be such a self-destructive baby even if it was a dream, but damn it, I'm mad. I've been dreaming so long I miss my friends, my partners; hell I even almost miss my parents.

Stoic simply chuckled at me and rubbed my small baby face.

Tired, I decided to give it another go later, see if slipping further into sleep will do what's needed.

Later, I was annoyed to find that no matter how much I tried, Stoic, Valka, and eventually even Gobber sotpped me from harming myself in any way possible. So I gave up trying. I'd wake up evenually and remember hardly any of this anyway.

Over what felt like months in this dream I started learning the language properly, finding it pretty easy to pick up despite never hearing it before. Once I found out the word for 'book' though, that's when most of my irritation staved off.

Even though I didn't understand any of the stories being told, I had fun learning the sounds for each of the Nordic runes, and even better was when Valka found a story that had an old song with it, then even Gobber would join in and I'd be able to memorise the lyrics, that I only knew some of the meanings for.

Eventually I understood basic conversations, though I wasn't able to converse back yet with my poor baby motor skills. Soon, maybe though, I tried. _Unless I woke up before then_ , I thought with a sigh.

Pretty soon Valka and Stoic started taking me around Berk, giving me a tour at first before they began introducing me to other members of the Hairy Hooligan tribe. As it was I only recognised a few other characters from the TV series.

Taking me for walks seemed to become a mostly regular thing after that.

Weeks, maybe more months passed in the dream until Stoic took us onto one of the boats. I wasn't sure why we were on a boat as I missed part of the story as I came out of my dreamless state.

It was nice, weird as most of the dream was, but it felt good, having the salty, and chilly wind dash across my face, whipping my short hair all over the place.

Not long into our boat ride Valka handed to me to Stoic and told me she had something for me. Lighting up, I smiled, pretty sure I knew what it was.

Valka pushed a stuffed toy the size of baby me into my small hands. I giggled at it and cuddled the Nadder toy, holding it close for fear of dropping it. It was cute and when I wake up, if I remember, I'll have to look into making one.

And so my dream days continued like that with the occasional boating trip.

I slowly developed enough motor control of my mouth to do something other than gurgle, cry, and giggle, so I decided to surprise Valka with a first word.

This was to make her happy, yes, but mainly all of this was to keep the ever-growing clastrophobia of being trapped in a dream at bay. The dream was taking forever but I knew I had to wake up eventually so I may as well leave the panicking behind.

Cheekily I patted Valka's face and gurgled until she glanced done at me.

"Why, yes, my Hiccup?" she chuckled, rubbing my tummy.

"Drrrag'nn," I cooed, grinning wide as Valka gasped and praised me.

"Stoooic!" she called as she rushed down the stairs, carrying me over to Stoic, bubbling over in parental pride. "He said 'is first word."

"Is that so?" Stoic chuckled whisked me out of Valka's arms. "Well, boy?"

Repeating the word for Stoic, I grinned at him, distantly wondering if maybe this counted as fulfilling one of the conditions for waking up.

Funnily enough though, 'dragon' being 'my' first word seemed to spark an argument between the two as Stoic declared it meant I would be a great dragon slayer, and Valka, well she argued it meant I was going to be a friend to dragons and maybe teach everyone that dragons are good, which, if I could right now, I would say that Valka's right. Mute point though since it's a dream.

Over the next few weeks this seemed to become a common argument between them.

As is it didn't last long.

Seeing as a dragon raid happened at the end of the month.

Going by my messed calculations of this dream, I figured I was a bit over a year old now, which means this is probably the raid where Valka gets taken away.

I mean, hopefully, since that shoud be the last condition to fill to wake up from this dream.

Listening happily to the war cries from the Vikings outside, I got cosier in the cradle holding me, excited to be waking up soon.

A loud crash rang throughout the room as Cloudjumper entered through the window.

Startled I let a loud wail before quickly quietening down. It's just a dream, there's no reason to be scared of the dragon.

Cloudjumper slid closer to me, reaching one long claw down to me, which I happily grabbed onto as I giggled, gazing up at Cloudjumper's wide curious seeming eyes. _So cool._

"Hiccup!" Valka shouted as she came skidding to a halt at the top of the stairs, only to see the dragon playfully nudging me with their claw as I giggled.

The cute moment ended as it did in the second movie, with Stoic barging in, startling Coudjumper as they pulled away, ripping open the skin on Hiccup's chin…

My chin, as I screamed, wailed at the actual pain I felt as air instantly hit the wound, causing tears to roll down the sides of my face, mixing with the anxiety that I still hadn't woken up.

I felt Stoic lift me into his arms as he screamed for Valka, as I screamed in pain, in fear, until I passed out.

* * *

Blinking open heavy eyes, I found myself bundled against Stoic's chest, too tired to scream as my mind mulled over itself.

Remembering a trick I used to use to ground myself after a particularly bad nightmare, or dissociative episode, I grabbed a handful of Stoic's beard, rubbing it between my fingers as the coarse texture settled me, feeling… real.

Licking my lips I tasted the salt of my tears, turning to smell and smoke filled my nose only to cringe as my hands, my small helpless baby hands, clung to the coarse beard hairs between my hands as I began to hyperventillate.

Even if this was what I thought it was, which it can't be, I shouldn't, _should not_ , have memories of my previous life despite all the wishing I did, and… _AND_ I _shouldn't_ _be here!_

This is a- a- fantasy world! Fiction! A story that's already been written! I _shouldn't be here_.

Rolling my head around to be my face in Stoic's, _Hiccup's_ father's, beard I began trembling.

_I didn't die. I couldn't have died. I remember everything else I should remember dy-_

**_Hands suffocating me, sounds fading to nothing as I felt blood leaving my wounds-_ **

Snapping out of the memory I started wailing, screaming, crying, hitting my powerless fists against Stoic's chest, his arms cuddling me closer as he too shook and cried.

_I WASN'T DONE WITH THAT LIFE!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is mostly just a quick cap of what he's been up to since realising he is now what he still kind of sees as a fictional character. Annnnd some fluff moments...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hi, so, I'm back again. So soon I know... Anyway, updates will mostly be irregular since I'm a mess and don't have uni for another two weeks... and well, stuff. So I've planned lots of little things for future chapters and have all of chapter three planned out, may take a day or two... or hey! maybe a few hours to write it but it'll be there.
> 
> Another note, I don't have a beta, and I don't really like proofreading fanfic stories o.o; 'cause it's embarrassing, so sorry if there are weird errors. Also! The fact he's genderfluid will be pretty minor thing, like ninety percent of the time... and there'll be mention of a few quirky parts of his personality/interests only when it's really relevant... despite how chaotic my writing style is.
> 
> Time Skip ahead and potentially each chapter until he's sixteen.
> 
> Also in Ch.1 Stoic says "he's awake" and that's the only Icelandic I'm really planning to put in there, since google translate can only go so far o.o;
> 
> Anyways... Enjoy~ If you want *shrugs* I can't tell you what to do.

Chapter 2. How to Deal With Reincarnation

* * *

"Try not to get into any trouble," grumbles the large bearded man before me, his eyes weighted with grief.

Gently, I patted his hand atop my head, cheekily sticking my tongue out at him before retorting, "I make no such promise."

A startled chuckle left Stoic the Vast as he shook his head and opened the door. He paused and glanced back at me, squinting his eyes. "Gobber will be dropping by around noon," he huffed, appearing reluctant to leave me alone.

"Yes, Chief!" I declared, puffing out my chest, hands fisted against my waist. "I shall man the fort then!"

Observing a smirk pull at his features, I felt accomplished and watched him leave, waving as he looked back again until he finally closed the door.

Glancing about at the house I had come to call home in the past few years, I traipsed over to the journal and the piece of charcoal I had been drawing with.

I was four now, old enough to be somewhat independent but not so old most parents would feel comfortable leaving me home alone, though this was only temporary. With Val- Mum whisked away to the dragon nest and Gobber busy making, or mending weapons for the dragon raids I often got plenty of time to myself, not that St- Dad really approved.

In fact, just after Cloudjumper took Mum, I had been left with Snotlout and his mum while Dad was busy chiefing, which… was not fun. At first it wasn't too bad. I'd been mourning my old life and dealing with… well… panic attacks, flashbacks, fragmented memories, the usual stuff, and not having responsibilities helped more than it hindered.

That was… until little Snotlout started getting upset about having to share, well, anything with me, and then the tantrums started.

Now, I'm not usually one to be particularly bothered when a kid starts having a meltdown, but then I was uninvolved and could _leave_. And this was every. Single. Day. For weeks.

When he realised that screaming didn't get rid of me, it started to escalate to throwing things, and hitting me. Mrs Yorgenson could really only do so much to manage him, so when I was finally able to control my movements, walk around, and actually communicate with the adult Vikings, I demanded I be left in the house.

This didn't work for a few months but when I turned three and was asked what I wanted for my name day… I had an idea.

With wide watery eyes I stared up at Stoic, bit my lip, and whimpered with promises of being really good, that I wanted to stay at home and read the books Mum used to read to me.

I felt a bad for the amount of grief that showed on Stoic's face from that but I got my wish, and the quiet has never been so appreciated.

As is my freedoms have increased since then. I can now roam around in front of the house before Gobber drops by, and after he drops by I can go wherever I want so long as it's within the boundary of the village and so long as I return before sun down.

I couldn't say I was content with such limited mobility, as I wanted to learn my way around the island as fast as I could, but I took what I could get.

Starting a list in my journal, I began to jot down some of the skills I had to learn before meeting Toothless.

That was another thing I'd been trying to adapt to here.

Skills.

As far as I could recall, in the movie and in most of the fanfiction set in this universe, Hiccup was an inventor that had mastered several crafts, mainly blacksmithing and leather works, aside from drawing. Which meant that if I wanted to make a saddle for Toothless in the future, I had to know how, as well as make up for the genius gap, seeing as, although I'm Hiccup now… I'm not actually Hiccup.

Well, if I meet Toothless in the future.

I've actually started considering the possibility of being in an alternate set up, that could have plot points already set in place.

Which is a really terrifying thought.

I had read a lot, and I mean a _lot_ , of fanfiction, and doujinshi, before… reincarnating, and in a fair number of those, Hiccup being hurt or abused was a really common trope.

Meaning less than ideal circumstances for me in some cases, and down right terrible circumstances in others.

But hey, let's be optimistic here, I could be in a setting where I'll discover a berry or flower that turns dragons into humans, or where Jack Frost shows up and we become… closely acquainted, or even where _I_ become part dragon!

I can hope.

As is, if this does follow the original timeline of the movies and the TV series then I've got a _lot_ of practicing and rearranging to do.

I've got about twelve years to see if I can get dragons to trust me, and somehow prove to St- Dad that they are just like really big… cats, not that there are cats here, uhh, big cute animals either way.

I will also have to see if I can get the other future dragon riders to believe dragons are friendly so I have some support… as well as get Dagur to be my friend and not attempt to kill me with throwing knives every time we meet if I actually meet him and he's part of this universe… and see if I can convince Dad to at least sign a treaty with Alvin, and maybe get Mildew kicked off Berk and…

I sighed, starting another list in English of my "to-do" list, I don't want anyone being able to read it so it seems safest.

Wanting to save my self some trouble in the future… is very troublesome.

Hearing a knock at the door I looked up startled, wondering if so much time had passed already.

Quickly, I hopped over to the door and opened it to see Gobber's smiling face.

"Gobber!" I laughed, letting him in. "What provisions does the chief's right hand send today?" I demanded, puffing out my skinny chest again, spindly arms going back to my hips.

Chuckling, Gobber lightly tapped me upside the head, and rolled his eyes. "Nothing if ye've burned the place down," he quipped as he glanced around, gaze landing on something over my shoulder. "Draw'n' dragons again, Hiccup?"

Looking over to the piece of parchment I had been drawing a Night Fury on. Well, a cute dragon cub of a Night Fury.

"Yup!" I squeaked happily, running off to grab it and show it to him. "It's a baby Night Fury!" I gleefully announced only for Gobber to shake his head and grin as he poked me in the head.

"Sur' it is, but where are it's big sharp teeth," he chuckled as he handed me a cooked chicken thigh from his basket, and took a seat by the fire.

I took the offered meat and pouted up at him.

"They have retractable teeth though… and it's a baby Night Fury so they may not have gone through yet…" I informed him, sulking. Brightening up, an idea came to mind.

Crawling up into Gobbers lap, to his amusement, I stared up past his long, bushy mustache and into his eyes with as much seriousness as the face of a little four-year-old Hiccup could muster.

"Gobber."

"Yes, Hiccup?"

"What would you do if you became friends with a dragon?"

Gobber burst out laughing as I continued staring at him in all seriousness. "What a joke! Sur' when sheeps fly, kid," he chuckled, wheezing slightly.

"But, Gobber…" I whined, pulling on the dangling, and knotted braid of facial hair before me. "You became friends with one… in- in this dream I had last night…" I confided sulkily, eyebrows dropping as I scrunched up my face.

"Oh? Tis 'at right?" he hummed, disentagling my hand from his mustache. "Do tell 'bout this dream ye had then."

Frowning now in thought, I tried to recall the episode where Gobber met Grump.

"Well…" I hedged, recalling the episode best I could. "I'm older. And I've befriended a Night Fury," I state, twitching a little as Gobber mumbled, " _O' cours' ye did,"_ under his breath. "A- and then this really bad man, a dragon hunter, was taking dragons. A- and he was gonna sell them and got lots of gold and buy lots of boats. So you and my friends-"

"Haha, what frie-" he started 'til I elbowed him in the ribs.

"Shush," I grumbled, scrunching my eyebrows even more. "As I was saying! We all went to get the dragons out, with this reeeeeeally good plan. Where one of them pre- prete-" I bit my tongue and frowned.

"Pretended," Gobber supplied.

"Thank you. Pretended. To be a rich person and you were his vvva- vaal-"

"Valet."

"Yes. And you were let in to the selling place-"

"Auction," Gobber supplied again as I huffed.

"Shush, yes. Anyway! You were led around the sel- auction, and you came across this dragon. He was an orange-y, brown-y colour and and big, and very low to the ground, and considered very ugly by the other you were with, but you thought he was magn- magnif- magnicent. So you went up to him and petted him and fed him some metal lying around, until the brother of the bad man stepped on him and said,

'Outta mah way, Grump. Fat beast.' And you got mad, turned to the man and gestured towards the dragon.

'Do ye auction off the ugly, fat one as well?'

And he laughed at you!

'Who would buy him? Besides he eats all the scrap iron and is the only dragon that can bite through a dragon proof cage. Personally I'd just as soon skin 'im and eat 'im. The fat would be tasty on two squares with some yak butter, ey Grump?' And then he shoved the dragon, and says that the bad man said there's a use for him.

And you went to hit him before you were stopped.

Anyway, later stuff happens and we all end up behind dragon proof bars and Grump comes by, and you ask him to help." I stop for a moment smiling. "And he knocks down the guards for you and eats the bars so we can get free! And then you two become really good friends, and we all escape."

Looking up at Gobber, I see him making a strange face.

"What is it?"

He shook his head and chuckled slightly, looking down at me. "You know what, Hiccup?" He shook his head again, smiling ruefully. "I prob'ly would punch som'one for 'at."

"So you believe me?" I cheered, looking up at him hopefully. "That there are good dragons."

He ruffled my hair, grinning as he shook his head. "Sorry, boyo. Dragons will just as soon eat yer." He gestures to his peg leg, and the cup attachment. "I lost two limbs to 'em beasts, can't affor' t' be soft'eaded 'bout 'em," he sighed, ruffling my hair, soft smile still in place.

Sighing, I gave up the battle for today I could try again later.

Thinking for a bit, we sat in silence just watching the fire snap and crackle in the hearth.

Shifting a little, I nudged Gobber's chin with the top of my head. "Do you have any more books?"

Chuckling at me he told me he didn't, lying since I knew he had the Book of Dragons and for _some reason_ didn't want me to see it.

Huffing out a breath, I pouted and decided to ask something else.

"Hey, Gobber?"

"Yes, Hiccup?" he responded with a roll of his eyes.

"Could you teach me to do leather work?" I asked, fidgetting with my hands as I waited for his response.

"Ahh," he hummed as he rubbed his chin with his good hand. "Ye're a bit too small to-"

"Then give me something small to work with, like a bag," I interrupted, glaring at my hands defiantly.

I felt his eyes on the back of my head as he shifted and seemed to think of another excuse. "But ye could ge' hurt."

"I could get hurt walking outside too," dismissing his words.

He sighed and I looked up at him, seeing a small smile lifting one side of his face.

"Fine. But only if yer dad says yes," he relented, and I clenched my fists grinning.

After that I hopped off his lap, grabbing my journal and charcoal as I moved. Most times after lunch Gobber took me down to the forge with him, and today was no different.

I wasn't allowed to work, or go near any of the tools, or really touch anything, but Gobber let me sit on one of the benches and just watch him work, and sometimes relay requests from the villagers.

I liked to use this time either bantering with him, as much as my still pretty limited vocabulary could, and taking notes of what Gobber does around the forge, how he sharpens weapons, how he molds new ones, and how he does up the leather bindings. I drew little diagrams with some of my notes, and when I started to feel my mind drift to darker thoughts usually when Gobber was doing something loud or delicate and had to concentrate, I'd draw him, or the houses around us, or villagers passing by.

As the sun began to set I watched as villagers lit torches, and some began to search the skies as they carried on their business.

Not long after sun down Stoic picked me up from the forge and took me to the Great Hall for dinner, Gobber promising to join us after he finished a few more weapon edges.

I waited patiently until after dinner, when St- Dad and I were walking back to our house before I tried asking him.

"Hey, Dad?"

Stoic glanced down at me and smiled, raising a bushy eyebrow in the process. "Yes, son?"

Widening my foresty green eyes, I tried to smile sweetly, probably coming off awkwardly, so still probably cute. "Can I-" I paused as he squatted to be close to eye height with me, so I grabbed his warm hand with my two little ones, and tried again. "Can I learn leather working with Gobber?"

The Chief of Berk frowned as he looked at me, seeming to think it over.

Getting restless, I panicked and began to ramble. "I'll start with something small, and I'll be reeeeally careful, a- and Go-Gobber said it's okay with him so long as it's okay okay with you and-" I stopped sharply as Stoic began chuckling and patted my head with his free hand.

"Fine, fine," he laughed, the love in it rolling over me, as he grinned down at me. "Thor Almighty, trying to become useful to the village already…" he mumbled under his breath, shaking his head and the smile stayed in place.

Suddenly I was being lifted into the air and onto to broad shoulders, my feet slipping under Dad's beard as my small hands grasped the wide tusks on his helmet, his hands grasping my knees to secure me in place.

Startled, in a good way, laughter bubbling out of me as I felt loved and safe in a way I hadn't with my previous family.

Moments like these… They helped keep the loneliness, and grief at bay for just a few moments longer, helped me believe maybe one day I could accept this as my life now, just _be_ Hiccup and enjoy it.


	3. Chapter 3. How to Become an Inventor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again mostly fluff between the OC, Gobber and Stoic. I think he's pretty cute here. He likes being childish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So Chapter 3 is up, I just can't seem to stop writing.
> 
> I had fun with this chapter. With a little bit of angst, teasing and a lot of childishness, with a cute moment or two. I'm really happy how it turned out... though I feel like it's like a chapter and a half with the amount I wrote but *shrugs* I'm happy with it. Feel free to review, or not, and all constructive criticism is welcome despite my weak and feeble pride.
> 
> Warnings for this specific chapter... ? Dealing with mental illness, and childishness in a possibly annoying way :D
> 
> Anyway, Enjoy, or not, your choice :D
> 
> "words" – English
> 
> "words" – Icelandic
> 
> words – thoughts

Wind snapped across my face in a sharp whistling howl, warning of the near arrival of devastating winter.

I watched as animal rearers prepared to take their herds indoors; chickens, sheep and yak, and as crop farmers made their way through fields harvesting whatever had managed to grow in these harsh, soon to be harsher, conditions.

I was kind of amazed anything survived this weather most of the time. As is, I was as close to the forge as Gobber permitted, which was a table by the door, but I took what I could get.

Right now, I was being taught how to make bindings for weapon handles, how to make bags, and especially the uses of scrap leather. I enjoyed my lessons with Gobber, even if he was a hands-on teacher. He tended to be very easy to understand and only occasionally ( _very often_ ) snapped at me for my ( _seemingly to him_ ) endless questions.

It's been a few weeks since I started as his apprentice, only being allowed to treat, mark up, and shape the leather into base forms, but it was rewarding, even doing the small stuff just to see and understand how it all becomes something… else. Kind of like with anything creative really, like drawing.

Drawing… Something I was doing more and more of, as my hands grew more dexterous with practice. I'd started applying it to inventing… well, the designing phases of inventing as I learnt more from Gobber and by watching him in breaks… and from random creative bursts of inspiration.

As it were, I had already designed some of the tools Hiccup had in the TV show… though the collapsible flaming sword part, and the hidden compound bow-shield seemed completely out of my reach for now.

The bola shooting device with sights, however, I had down for the most part, just not the actual shooting motion, same for the flight suit… that of which I am aware is currently useless (or too dangerous for use) until I meet Toothless.

Oh, I've even ( _jokingly_ ) designed the peg leg from the second movie, with a pretty good idea of how to make the settings interchangeable.

" **HICCUP**!"

Freezing in place, I let out a tiny squeak and stared up at Gobber, with a little bit of fear, as he glared down at me.

"Uh-Uhh… Uhm," I stuttered, gulping as half of Gobber's eyebrow twitched.

"Ye hav'n' been listenin' at all!"

Flinching, I quickly held up my journal for him to see.

"H-Have too! I've even made notes," I argued weakly, pointing at the page. "See!"

I watched him as his eyes squinted, and flinched again as he smacked me upside the head.

"Notes, ye say?" he grumbled, taking my book with his good hand, turning it for me to see, and tapping the splayed open pages with his prosthetic. "Is 'at what ye call this?"

Rubbing the back of my head sheepishy, I winced seeing English covering the page.

"It's my secret language," I mumbled childishly. "Not my fault you can't read it."

"Oh, is 'at so?" he said haughtily. "Well, I guess ye don' wan' t' learn any of this 'en."

Pouting, I launched myself at Gobber's good arm and dangled from it. "But Uncle Gobbeeeeeer, you're the best craftsment hereeeee. How else am I supposed to learrnnnn anythingggg," I bellowed, swinging my legs and puffing out my cheeks.

_No, I'm not embarrassed. I'm in a four year old body so I'll be as childish as I like, thank you very much._

Gobber heaved a tremendous sigh, shaking his head, and put me back where I had been sitting, dropping my journal beside me.

Towering over me, he poked me in the chest and announced very clearly, "Ye can stay. But! Ye better be on yer best be'aviour an' follow everythin' I do or say. Lest ye fall into the forge an' hafta explain yerself to the Chief."

Nodding gravely, I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning up at him, knowing it wouldn't help my case.

_Cuteness, as I'd learnt in my first life, almost always won in the end. Well… I liked to think that…_

Though I did try extra hard not to drift off into thought after that as I was taught different ways to treat and mold leather, and the effects they created.

What can I say? I had always had trouble concentrating since the first time I was young. Not that I wasn't good at learning, just that I normally caught on too quick and started mentally applying uses for what I learnt without taking a breatj. Nor that I was much different when I was older… that particular hyperactive part of my mind just got worse through the years, though it did serve me well during university…

That is… once I taught myself how to slow during certain parts to make sure I was running with actual concepts and not the preconceived ones my mind conjured using only the bare bones of the teachings.

Making sure to take notes using Nordic runes this time, when Gobber didn't have me handling the leather myself, I tried familiarising myself with the work and the processes as much as I could, aware it will save me potential hassles in the future, and may actually save my life. As a poorly made dragon saddle could have me falling to my death.

_On that note…_

"Hey, Gobber?"

"Yes, Hiccup?" Gobber sighed, mirth coating his voice.

"Could you teach me how to make a saddle?" I asked, trying to be casual as I continued working on the leather bindings to an axe.

Now, this wasn't the first time I had asked Gobber this. The first had been the day after I had gotten Dad's permission to learn leather work from him, and at the time Gobber had just dismissed me saying I was too wet behind the ears to be making anything that big yet. At the time he hadn't really wondered why I wanted to make a saddle, probably thinking I just wanted to prove my worth.

Today, however, he didn't respond right away and seemed to think about my question. I had hoped this pause meant he was ready to let me try my hand at bigger stuff.

Suspicion creeped into his voice as he eyed me across the bench. "Why do ye want to make a saddle?"

Blinking down at the thin leather in my hands, I wondered how to respond, before just thinking, _Fuck it_ , and smiling up at him.

"Because I'm going to become a dragon rider, and thus, need to understand how to make a saddle for my big scaly friend."

I watched as he squinted at me, some strange emotion I couldn't place coming over his face. Going back over my words and behaviour since reincarnating here, I decided what I'd said wasn't any different from any of it.

Quickly enough, the look passed and Gobber shook his head and he started laughing. Not small chuckles either, he had bent in half, smacking his knee as he bellowed out deep, rolling cackles that left him breathless.

I stood by, halting my work as I stared at him. I was not amused.

"Oh, haha, can ye even **hear** yerself?" he cried, merth tearing up his eyes. "Oh ya, the day yer able to befriend one of 'em **vicious beasts** , let alone pu' a saddly on 'em, is the day I willingly take a **bath**!" he wheezed, his amusement slowly dying down to light snickers.

"For a year."

"Hahhaha, wha'?"

"It'll be the day you willingly take a bath for a year," I quipped, feeling viciously determined.

"Oh ya, a year, hahah!"

"Is that a promise?" I ask, all seriousness, eyes at half-mast to show all my unamusement.

This, however, set off another set of chuckles from the meathead with attitude. "Oh, aye, on me **word** ," he slurred, wiping tears from his eyes.

Reaching my hand forward over the bench, I made _very serious_ eye contact with him. "Shake on it then."

"Ahahha, yer killing me, lad."

"Gobber," I said. "I'm serious."

He bent over even further in his laughter and shook my hand. "Hahhh ha! If ye insist 'en."

Puffing out an annoyed breath, I tried to stop my eyebrows from creasing. I really wanted to laugh with him, but also _really_ wanted to not be undermined so much. I didn't care that I was a four-year-old. Deal's a deal, and I'll make him eat his words.

* * *

With the sun setting, and nightfall coming over the village, I lamented over one of the main things I missed from my previous life.

Coffee.

Gods, I'd even go for a tea right now. Something hot mostly made of boiling water, and just _not_ warm yak milk.

Sighing, I slouched over a little bit more as I began to slow walk towards the Great Hall for dinner, kicking the ground as I did. I know that even if coffee did exist here ( _which I'll be searching for it on new islands in the future… or at least asking trader Johann next time he's here_ ) I probably wouldn't be allowed to have it since I'm four… but I'd settle for hot chocolate too!

Pouting, I ruminated over possible substitutions to fill my old habit and I usually did on the way to the Great Hall… when I was struck by an idea.

"Gods, in the name of **_Frigg_** _,_ why didn't I think of this sooner?!" I muttered in agitation as I turned away from the steps and ran to the healers hut, slowing once a third of the way up the stairs.

_I forgot how ridiculous the way up here was. What if I had a medical emergency? Seriously._

Finally making it to the door, I knocked, earnestly hoping Gothi was still in, and not called out for something.

As the door creaked open I breathed a sigh of relief and waved awkwardly as Gothi looked down at me.

_Now, how to phrase this… Since I'm sure there is no word for tea…_

"Uh-Uhm, I …I'm really sorry to bother you but I was-" I froze as I was smacked on the head with her staff.

Blinking in shock, I had no idea what I'd done to offend her. _Maybe I was bothering her? Or she wanted me to leave? Or-_

I felt a tap on my shoulder as she gestured me inside.

Awkwardly I followed her into the hurt, feeling all the more nervous than before. _Damn you impulsive behaviour. You always put me into these situations_.

Gothi gestured for me to sit as she went over to a basket, presumably filled with medical supplies.

Perching on the edge of a thin wooden chair, I fidgeted in anxiety. "Uhm… I-I'm not sick," I squeaked, wide, unblinking eyes following her as she moved about.

Gothi frowned at me from where she was and went back to, what looked like, gathering small items and putting them in a pouch.

I really hated this language barrier. I couldn't read the symbols she would draw yet, and no matter how hard I'd try to each time Gobber or Dad took me up her for a check-up I just couldn't make heads or tails of any of it.

Noticing her in front of me, I tried to contain my flinch. She handed me a filled small pouch and began making gestures.

When she noticed me staring blankly, I felt really bad for not understanding her, and that guilt grew as she rolled her eyes at me.

The Elder wandered back over to the bench and pick up a small cooking pot, miming pouring water in it.

Finally catching on, I blinked, feeling like a muttonhead.

" _Oh, you want me to make tea_?" I asked, so surprised that it came out in English. Fumbling as my anxiety increased, I gestured wildly trying to make the words disappear as if I never said it. "I-I mean, y-you want me to b-boil the-" I stopped, looking down at the pouch and noticing herbs in it.

Gothi didn't wait for me to finish before nodding swiftly, and making a gesture for drinking motions.

Simply nodding at her, I continued watching.

She then picked up a cup, and held up one finger before putting it down and swirling her staff in a circle then pointing it up and holding up one finger again.

Staring at her in contemplation, I made a verbal guess. "One cup of boiled herbs per day?"

She nodded once again, making more gestures, running her fingers under her eyes and pointing at the bags under them before pointing at me, chilling me a little as I panicked.

"Uh-Uhm… Y-You want me to drink it 'cause I have bags under my eyes?" I asked, gulping when she continued to stare at me. "B-beccause I haven't been sleeping well?" I tried again, this time having her squint at me. Wracking my brains I had no idea what else she could mean and simply stared at her, social awkwardness eating me alive inside as I felt like I'd failed something important.

Gothi looked skywards for a moment before turning and pulling out a piece of cloth. On it was one of the designs commonly seen on the sails of Berk ships; a dragon screaming and breathing fire that had been run through with a sword.

Gulping, I watched as she pointed to it, to the bags under her eyes and then at me again… and slowly, it clicked. And when it did?

I wanted to run out of there and never return.

Breathing a little faster, I refused to hyperventilate but looked everywhere other than her as I tried to tell myself that her knowing was normal. _Why else would a four-year-old look so tired?_ The thought barely kept my heart from beating out of my chest. But still I felt her eyes on me, waiting for a response.

Feeling sweat bead along my spine, I shivered and looked resolutely at the ground. "You want me to because of the nightmares…" I breathed barely above a whisper as I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. The silence was killing me, sending me into small snippits of memory of the last nightmare I'd had this week alone.

I'd been having them as soon as I realised I died.

Probably sounds stupid, but I'd been afraid of dying since I was eight years old in my past life (and how much it hurt to think that, _past life_ ) and now that I had, and particularly the way that I had made me feel sick and queasy all over… So I went into denial and pretended it away… That's when the nightmares started… so I slept sparingly and only when I was exhausted so that I would dream less and less.

I suppose I should be happy she gave me something for it.

If only it didn't remind of how alien a world I was now in.

Seeing her nod out of the corner of my eye, I stood shakily. "Thank you," I wheezed, taking in small, controlled breaths as I left her hut, barely seeing her bob her head in acknowledgement, and ran down the stairs as if hounds were right on my heels, only stopping once I'd made it back to my room, where I stashed the herbs under my thin pillow and chanted at myself to bring back the false sense of stability I had woven for myself.

" _I am Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III. I am four years old. My mother is Valka. My father is Stoic. I am the son of the Chief of the Hairy Hooligan tribe. I like inventing things. The only scary things here are the wildlife, and the gruff people living here,_ " I paused after chating this over four times as a thought came to mind, showing it had worked again for now. " _And Gobber on bath days_ ," I added as an afterthought, smiling slightly, as the room came into focus.

Hearing a knock on the door, I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face, trying to feel more like the four-year-old I currently am.

Hopping down the stairs, I opened the door to see Gobber looking at me funny. _Speak of the devil…_

"Saw ye runnin', lad. Somethin' wrong?"

Breathing out slowly, I pulled a wide grin onto my face. "I remember a dream about a really **really** cool dragon and-"

Gobber waved his hand through the air, sighing, a smirk pulling at his face. "Ye and yer delusions," he huffed. "C'mon, off t' the Great Hall with ye. The Chief will worry ye been carried off otherwise."

Scowling playfully at Gobber, I bantered back as I followed him to the Hall.

* * *

Pulling my journal from my yak fur vest, I went to the list of skills I had written down that I wanted to learn, adding cooking to the list. See, I knew how to cook, in my past life, but cooking in a firepit, using anything other than marshmallows, is very different from cooking with a proper stove.

Thinking on that, I remembered that Gobber knows how to cook, and look over at him sitting across the table as him and Dad talked about preparations for devastating winter.

Swallowing down a decent mouthful of water, I cleared my throat, instantly getting the attention of the two adult figures mostly involved in my life.

"Is there something you need, Hiccup?" Dad asked, eyeing me warily. Something he seemed to do more often these days. I honestly wasn't sure whether it was due to concern for frail little me, or because…

I turned my eyes to him and then to Gobber, and smiled sweetly. "Can you teach me to cook? Please?"

Because I'd ask questions like this at least thrice weekly since being permitted to learn leather working.

Gobber shakes his head, snickering lightly and nudges Sto- Dad.

"At this rate, he'll learn ev'ry craft in the village b'fore he's ten!" he chuckled.

The Chief gave him a sidelong glance, before turning to me, looking at me properly.

"No."

"But-"

"No, Hiccup," Stoic the Vast stated with finality.

"Why?" I huffed, pouting as my eyebrows scrunched together.

He gave me a deadpan look that I refused to interpret, stubbornly staring back at him.

His will broke first as he sighed, "Because you're too small and will burn yourself."

Indignant, I retorted, "You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

Pouting, I glare down at my half eaten fish, poking it as I thought.

"What about cobbling?" I asked, looking up defiantly, to Gobber's amusement.

"About what?"

I rolled my eyes. "Cobbling. The craft of making shoes." I wanted something warmer and more secure than the shoes I currently had, and knew exactly what I had in mind to make.

"I know what it is," he grumbled. "How do you even know what that is? And why do you want to learn that?"

I frowned at him. "I read it in a book, and I want to learn it…" I didn't want to say _because I want warm boots with laces_ , so I paused trying to come up with a valid excuse. "'Cause I've read all the books on this island," I started with a small glare at Gobber, as I knew that wasn't true thanks to him, "and I can only learn so much leather work before your **rules** make it so I have to wait another year or two until I can learn blacksmithing to be able to progress further."

I watched as Stoic shook his head ruefully, irritation slowly working its way onto his forehead.

"No." At this I rolled my eyes, staring back as he glared at me. "You can't even lift a hammer, and you need to be able to in order to do that."

Turning my eyes back to the table I pondered over that one. _I remember an anime movie where a guy makes shoes, and, although he used a hammer for some parts, it didn't_ look _like heavy work._

Unsure either way, I was determined to get permission to learn, and thus get tools to do, at least two other things. Even if they were near-future promises, I was greedy to learn.

"What about-"

"Hiccup. Just stop."

"But-"

"No."

Growling under my breath, I clenched my teeth. "Fishing."

"What? No, you're-" Stoic stopped as Gobber butted in.

"Fishing! Tha's a great idea," he hummed, sending a wink my way, as I smiled slightly. _Yay! Uncle Gobber's helping me!_ "It'd help him become more Viking-like, don't'cha think? Less…" he gestured vaguely at me. "Ye know?"

_Wow. I almost feel offended._

Stoic the Vast, Chief of Berk, gives me that up and down look I've seen him do sometimes, mentally comparing me to the other four-year-olds he's seen. _And once again I feel almost offended. 'Cause really? I'm four. Four-year-olds aren't supposed to be stocky, or strong, like how oddly Snotlout is._

"Maybe, you're right, Gobber," he laments. I give him a very dry look for that. "And I guess this could be a way to do some… father-son bonding."

At this point I'm stuck between offense, amusement, and a sense of victory. That is, until a small memory tugs at my mind, reminding me of how my previous paternal figure had taking me fishing.

Shrugging the thought away in annoyance, I take in a deep breath; very aware I was being very irritating.

"And-"

"What now, Hiccup?" Stoic snapped, his patience apparently worn thin.

"Well, it's just…"

"Spit it out, boy."

"I can't fish at home… and well Gobber won't let me take the leather work home with me… So…"

"Yes?" he bites out, exasperated.

"CanIlearnsewing?" I garble, anxiety eating my insides, hoping I wasn't going to be told, _that's woman work_ , or anything equally misogynistic.

Both Stoic and Gobber stare at me blankly. I'm not sure if they were processing my words, or about to shut me down, so I just hurried on.

"For like, really bad weather days, or, uh, if I get sick," I paused with a tiny thought in the corner of my mind wondering if I'd just suggested being 'near death' since sickness here was likely to kill people, "or during devastating winter, which is soon, or-"

I stop as Stoic rubs his face with one hand and sighs at me.

"Fine," he quipped. "Is. That. All?"

_Definitely annoyed_ , I thought, feeling a cheeky part of me relish in his sour mood.

" **Well** …"

The Chief lets a long-suffering sigh, an eyebrow lifting higher on his face as I can almost seeing a vein pulsing.

"What. Now. Hiccup?" he snarls.

I stand up on my chair, moving my plate out of my way.

And leap across the table, tackling him with all the strength in my little legs and arms to cuddle him, nuzzling my face into his beard. "Love you, Dad."

I feel his shoulders tense before his arms wrap around me tightly, a breath of strained air leaving his lungs in another sigh. "Love you too, son."

Opening my eyes that I hadn't realised had fallen shut, I notice Gobber with a soft smile, wiping a small tear from his eye. Only in the next moment to feel his arms come around us both, making me feel that much warmer and loved. It was a great feeling.

Shame Dad didn't agree, as I felt him shift and could almost _feel_ the look he gave Gobber.

Gobber's arms quickly slid away, clearing his throat as he did so, and muttering some excuse about having left something at the forge, before ruffling my hair and leaving.


	4. Chapter 4. How to Appease Loki (And Still Fail)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oc!Hiccup makes a friend :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So I'm thinking of changing up the first chapter, I really wasn't happy with it but it won't change anything about the rest of the chapters… but at the same time I don't want to go over any of the chapters I've written and I'm nervous about making it worse… so opinions?
> 
> I really won't change it for a while yet since I've got a lot of story I already have planned for future chapters o.o and I reaaly don't want to go back yet.
> 
> Also had so much fun with this chapter so... it turned out basically twice as long as the others, not sure if this is gonna be the norm from now on but maybe.
> 
> "words" – English
> 
> "words" – Icelandic
> 
> words – thoughts

Devastating winter passed without much issue and I made it to the age of five… without burning down the village.

I've stopped asking for permission to learn things, (except cobbling, and blacksmithing damnit) and have instead been self-teaching, which is fine with stuff like fishing, cooking, basically anything requiring practice and ingenuity, so long as I skip a few technical skills… and well, _laundry_.

Others though…

Cobbling, I have no idea where to begin. Sewing… I can fix tears, make some pretty embroidery, but without templates, _or_ _tools_ to _make_ templates, or, like, _guidance_ , everything becomes lopsided or too small, or the pieces don't fit or… It's just frustrating. And _blacksmithing_? Yeah, I haven't even been let within two meters of the forge since becoming Gobber's apprentice let alone let near the bellows or the sharpening stone… Not that I can actually push down on the bellows or even lift an axe so I guess that's a mute point.

As is, I only had a few more things left that I want to learn before trying to build my stamina. Smalls things… like farming, food preservation, and medicine.

Kind of necessary, _I_ like to think, for not… you _know…_ _dying_.

And with the last one I mentioned? Doubly necessary but also all the more difficult to learn, seeing how I'll have to learn Gothi's… sign language. _Which means talking to Gothi_ , I thought with a cold shiver.

Pushing most of those thoughts to the back of my mind, I began hanging up the laundry.

Shaking my head, I hummed with each peg I put into place, a soft smile dancing across my lips. I had gotten Gobber to help, and by help, I mean, _do all the work_ _for,_ me to make a clothesline with several pieces of long, thin metal and fishing line that attached to the outside of the house, in a spot that got the most sunlight (for what little gets through to this island), and was basically like the collapsible clotheslines from my old life. It worked pretty well, lying flat against the wall when not in use, but stayed upright when in use despite all the heavy clothes… though I had to use a wooden stool to hang up anything on it.

I was really happy when Gobber actually made it for me, I hab been expecting him to dismiss me, or laugh at me, so when he looked at the design concept I'd done up and _actually truly_ did it…

I was so shocked I nearly cried… not that I did. If he had laughed I would've just attempted to make one using wood even if it would have taken me weeks to make, but… he didn't… and it felt great.

I shook my head. It probably seemed stupid to feel happy over something like this but when I kept getting denied every time I tried to be a little more independent, be a little more like how I was before I came here, I had been dismissed as a fanciful child with too many useless ideas. And every bit of dependency I had chafed. A lot.

Adding it up in my head I realised I would've been about twenty-eight years old, give or take a few months since everything here was noted in seasons, so not being able to be entirely independent really rubbed me the wrong way.

Also…

Washing clothes was actually one of my favourite choirs in my old life. _Crazy, I know._ Well, that and _cooking_ , even though to begin with it had been because I would be left alone by my family and wouldn't be told how _badly_ I was doing it.

Basking in one of the rare patches of sunlight, I fell back on the grass, warming myself as I covered my eyes with a thin sleeve-covered arm, lazing about despite needing to leave for Gobber's workshop soon. I figured I had a few moments of peace before I had to leave.

It had been a few months since the last dragon raid but… each time one happened I seem to be shoved into the Great Hall or under a bench down at the forge, so I haven't made any progress in befriending any dragons yet. Even though I really, _really_ , want to _talk_ to a dragon, or _pet_ one, or even just _look_ at one. I mean, how messed up is it that I'm in a universe _bursting_ with dragons and yet the last one I was able to _actually look at_ was Cloudjumper? And I couldn't even enjoy that! _Since I was busy deluding myself into thinking it was all a really long lucid dream._

Feeling a little cheated, I decided to have some faith in the Gods today… and came up with a plan.

* * *

Standing on the edge of the village border and the start of the forest, I took some deep, clensing breaths, shaking out my arms as I did so.

Earlier on I had asked Gobber for the afternoon off with an excuse that I wanted to try and make some friends my age. To which he'd laughed at me, allowing it while also informing me I didn't have friends of _any age_. And I'm sure he'll laugh at me _again_ when I lie about being outcasted by the other five year olds.

I smiled inwardly at that, even as I cringed internally from the mild mortification I knew I'd feel after that future conversation, lies or no.

Inhaling deeply once more, taking in the rich smells of the forests mix with the salty tang that enshrouds most of the island, I braced myself, taking a step forward and-

"Oy, runt!"

Rolling my eyes skyward, I lifted my hands as if asking _why_. _Seriously Loki? Seriously?!_

"I said," growled the child's voice behind me, "'Oy!'"

Turning around with a sigh, I blinked owlishly at… yep. Snotlout. _Of course_ , I thought, withholding a sigh.

"Yeah, Snotlout?"

His face seemed to twist into a confused pout for a few short moments, only for his haughty look to return just as quick.

The last time I saw him we were three and, luckily for me, we never ran into each other after that despite the size of Berk, but, of course, on a day I wanted to be mischeivous, Loki _had_ to pull the rug out from under me.

Snotlout leaned his taller, thicker frame against the tree next to me as he smirked down at my smaller, obviously weaker, form.

"Just wondering," he hummed, as he found something interesting about his nails, "what a **weakling** like you is doing so close the forest." He paused here, giving me a half lidded, almost bored look with his eyebrows raised, the mean smirk on his face taking the look from _pretending to care_ to _found someone smaller and weaker to pick on/entertain self with._ "You **do** know that you could be attacked by a **dragon** , don't you?" he preened, smile turning just a tad more malicious.

Pondering what it was I had done to become such entertainment for the Gods ( _I assumed that's why they did this_ ), I tried going over my options, sizing Snotlout up as I did.

Now, I _could_ brush him off, go on my merry way… and probably get the snot beat out of me.

I _could_ also do a macho off of sorts, try to outman his five year old self… and probably get the snot beat out of me.

_Or-_

_Know what? Fuck it. If Loki has it out for me then I may as well just have as much fun as I can with it. Either way, I'll probably have the snot beat out of me no matter what in the end._

Looking down at the ground, I scuffed my shoe with a woeful pout adorning my soft face.

"Was.." I paused, tilting my head up as if seeing Snotlout in a new, awe-inspiring, light. "I-I was w-waiting for someone as… as strong and brave as you to t-take me on an adventure," I stuttered shyly, fiddling with my hands.

"Oh, well, I-" he started, caught off guard, before I quickly interrupted.

With my bangs covering my eyes, I let my face drop, staring morosely at the ground. "But someone a-as **amazing** as you is probably t-too busy and **important** to be able to do that," I said with a sniffle, rubbing the back of my hand over one of my eyes as I turned my head to the side, away from Snotlout.

Repressing my small urge to break out in giggles, I tried to think of all the time I miss out on with St- Dad, only to find it didn't raise an emotional response so I moved on to thoughts of Ash and Adrianna and how much I wished I could see them, not for long though. Just long enough to tighten my vocal cords and mist my eyes, ready for the killing blow of this act.

"Like my dad," I whispered, turning away as if to head back to the village.

"H-Hey!" Snotlout yelled, his hand encircling my upper arm.

_Hook, line, and sinker_ , I thought with an internal cheer of triumph, feeling gleefully smug at the completion of my act.

"I-I'm, like, not **as** important as the Chief, like, still **super** important, just not that much so…" he paused, his shoulders raised awkwardly, almost defensively, as the weak façade of toughness dropped enough to see his vulnerability. "I-" he stopped again, his eyebrows furrowing as he seemed to struggle with himself, his eyes then clearing as he threw his shoulders back to their confidently straight place.

"I have time," he stated with a stern back of steel coating his words, sounding final, as if I would argue.

Guilt filled me as I made eye contact with the bigger boy, believing I saw something like wounded comraderie behind his eyes. I forgot he was just a lonely kid, even as I had been manipulating my words to affect him. He was a lonely kid constantly seeking his father's approval and trying to prove himself, even though he was entitled and a muttonhead about it. And Spitelout was as much a busy father as Stoic was. I didn't have any right to manipulate that.

Creasing my eyebrows in frustration, at myself, I chewed on my lip and grabbed the sleeve of Snotlout's shirt with my free arm. I looked at him sincerely as I could, wanting express gratitude properly. He didn't have to spend his time with me, and he probably actually did know his way around the island better than I did so I was honestly grateful.

"Thank you," I told him earnestly, eyebrows creased as I gave him a very serious nod.

At this, interestingly, he tensed as I thanked him, his eyes lighting up and sparkling with some intense emotion that lifted a small, almost humble, smile to his lips.

_Has no one thanked him for anything before?_

Thinking on that, I concluded that no one probably had before. He was five. Five year olds aren't really helpful, if they even tried to be. Or at least, that's what I gathered from my old life, I wasn't quite sure if it was all that different here.

"S-So, where do you wish to adventure?" Snotlout stuttered, releasing my arm as he tried to look sure and imposing.

"Wherever you want to go," I answered honestly, quite happy to learn anything more about the island, even if it meant I might not be able to befriend any dragons today. _There's always tomorrow._

And that was how Snotlout Jorgenson and I, Ryan Cassata turned Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, became adventuring companions.

* * *

Some things I had learnt whilst wandering the forest of Berk with Snotlout had left my adult pride bruised.

One, I have no stamina. _None_. I don't remember ever being this unfit when I was a kid the first time, or as clumsy.

Two, anything that exists will hurt me. I've tripped over, bumped into, and been attacked by more inanimate objects today alone than I had in my entire past lifetime.

And three, which probably hurt the most; Snotlout has more spatial awareness and directional ability in his littlest finger than I have in my entire body.

So, as we came across a field of grass taller than the two of us combined, I was more than happy to flatten out a small area of it to collapse onto, nursing the many bruises, cuts, and grazes, even as Snotlout stood without even a single scratch on him.

"What's wrong?" he laughed, leaning over me. "Is someone **tired**?" he teased, chuckling at my huffing, mess of a self on the bed of grass.

Grumbling angstily to myself in English, I looked around the tiny space I had cleared, something about it seeming almost familiar.

Leaping to my feet in a rush of excitement, I let out a happy squeak, ignoring Snotlout's surprised look.

_Yes! Yes yes yes!_

Pulling out a few strands of grass, I ran my hands over them as if I could confirm the truth of it with touch, even though I'd only seen it in a movie. It might not even be what I think it is… but it looked pretty damn close.

"Snotlout! Do you know what this is?" I whisper shouted, reaching behind me and pulling him closer so he could look at it.

"Yeah, grass," he said, with a roll of his eyes. "Do **you** know what it is?"

Grinning from ear to ear, I ignored the sass and kind of bounced on the spot as I started braiding the strands together. "It's a very very **very** powerful plant used to ward of danger."

"I bet that's just a kids story," Snotlout huffed even as he moved closer to me. "Y-you don't think it's true, do you?"

Leaning closer to him, I whispered, almost as if sharing a secret, "There's a legend that talks of a great Viking who was once disarmed in battle, without even a shield or helmet to protect him, had a dragon, on the verge of eating him alive, fall limp before him almost as if sent to sleep. And you know what he had on him?"

"What?" Snotlout asked when prompted, his eyes as wide as saucers.

Smiling softly at his rapt attention, I slowly coiled the braided grass into a bracelet and held it out to Snotlout. "A protection charm made from Dragon Nip."

Handing it to Snotlout, I watched him handle it reverently, staring at it in awe.

"That's for you," I told him, humbled by the amount of care he showed it, even if the field we were standing in wasn't actually filled with Dragon Grass. "As thanks for taking me out here, and spending time with me."

"Wha-?" he said, shock coating his voice, as he blinked down at me. "Really?" At my nod, he blushed, standing straighter as he tried to go back to his confident persona. "N-Not that I believe a stupid legend like that," he huffed, spine straightening as he tried to appear taller. "B-but I'll accept it, s-since it's the only way you can show your appreciation."

_Is it bad that, although I was basically just insulted, I feel genuinely pleased?_

Similing as I pulled out a few more strands of grass, I decided, no, it wasn't.

"What're you doing now?"

Braiding this next lot, I wondered if it was going to fit. "Making one for my dad," I stated simply, humming a little as I continued.

"O-oh."

Noticing the awkward tone accompanying Snotlout's response I looked over at him to see his eyebrows furrowing, hand rubbing the coild braid now adorning his wrist, and his eyes darting all over the place nervously, before turning my eyes back the the bracelet in progress. _Does he want something but doesn't know how to ask?_

"Is something wrong, Snotlout?"

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed him tense up, eyes scrunching a bit.

"Wha- No," he bit out, turning his head away as a slight pout took over his bottom lip, his eyes darting to my hands every now and then.

_Ohhh_. _I am very slow._

"Would you-"

" **Canyouteachmehowtomakeoneformydad?** " Snotlout whispered, cutting me off.

Blinking in shook, and lack of understanding, I looked over at him, his face turned away from me as he blushed. Recognising the first few words of his rushed sentence, I thought I got what he meant.

"Y-you want me to teach you?" I had honestly thought he was going to ask me to make one for his dad for him. I was pretty surprised.

He nodded his head sharply still looking away.

Stopping mid-way through the charm I was making, I grabbed a few strands for Snotlout, holding my half-finished product in my mouth as I tied the ends together, before grabbing Snotlout's hands. I told him how to arrange the strands and moved his hands in the motions they should follow.

"Just make a practice one to start, since the second will be better than the first. And when you are finished with this part leave about…" I held up my fingers about two inches apart, "thiiiis much undone."

When he was done, I showed him how to connect the two ends by demonstrating with my own charm.

"Like this?" Nodding at his first finished product, I noted it wasn't too lopsided and grabbed him a few more strands of grass to make the one to give to his dad. "Hiccup?"

Snapping my head up to look at him as I heard that- er- _my_ name, the first time he's actually said it, I raised an eyebrow in question.

"I-If you want," Snotlout stuttered, holding out the finished charm, "y-you can have it. Y-y'know, t-to protect you since." He looked away, shoulders rising defensively for the second time today. "S-since important people, l-like me, can't always be around to help w-wimps like you."

Sighing at the insult, I shook my head ruefully, reaching out quickly when Snotlout's face dropped, misunderstanding my actions, and took the charm, coiling it up before sliding the charm over my fist to sit snugly against my wrist.

"Thank you," I told him, feeling oddly at the behaviours he's displayed over the past few hours. He was acting very in character but… I still couldn't help but feel a little unnerved by it, even if I was grateful. "I'll take good care of it."

His face turned bright red as he hurriedly snatched the strands of grass out of my hand and tried to start the charm for his dad.

Time passed peacefully for a bit after that, the quiet tranquility only broken here and there as I advised Snotlout on making the charm, until we began making our way back to the village, after I pocketed a number of strands of grass, a little concerned I'd break my charm on the way back.

"H-Hey."

"Yeah, Snotlout?" I asked, doing my best to avoid the tree roots sticking up out of the ground as the village came into sight.

Snotlout's hand caught my shoulder, stopping me from walking into a low hanging branch.

Looking up to thank him, I froze in surprise instead at his next words, a little annoyed at the amount of times I'd been surprised.

"Wanna have dinner with me?"

… _Uhh, what?_

Checking over my body, I confirmed I was still five-year-old Hiccup, covered in dirt, grass and injuries.

Snotlout seemed to get defensive at my confused, ruffled state, his shoulders coming up again as he scowled. "What? Do you not want to hang out with me anymore?"

Mouth dropping open, I waved my hands in front of me, snapping myself out of confusion. "O-Oh!" I annunciated _sooo_ articulately. "No, no! That's supposed to be the other way round! I didn't think you'd want to hang out with **me** anymore." Not that that's why I was actually confused, but… well, that too.

_Friggin' inappropriate adult mind. You are_ _**five** _ _._

He scoffed at me, rolling his eyes. "Muttonhead. **So?** "

"A-Ahm, I'm good. With that. Yes. But uhh," I stuttered a thought coming to mind. "I normally have dinner with Gobber and Dad in the Great Hall."

"See you there then," he called as we were now at the edge of the village before racing off.

Shaking my head ruefully, I began to make my way back to Gobber's forge, with a smug smirk pulling at the corners of my lips as I triumphantly realised I had made a friend.

_Take_ _**that** _ _social anxiety._

* * *

Waiting in the Great Hall for Snotlout to show up, I admired my craftsmanship currently adorning Stoic the Vast, Chief of the Hairy Hooligan tribem who is said to have popped the head of a dragon clean off of its shoulders with his bare hands when he was a baby.

Do I believe that? Yes, I do.

Did that stop me? No, it didn't.

When Dad had picked me up from Gobber's workshop, upon which I had been cryptically answering Gobber's questions with just a repeated, smug ' _you'll see,'_ I had tried giving him the protection charm I made him. Only he ignored me, brushing me off with a ' _Not now son_ ,' as he dragged me to the Great Hall as quickly as he could since he apparently still had important Chief duties and was only collecting me so that he could keep his promise (self-inflicted promise he made after Va- Mum was carried away).

Now, I'd like to say that at this point I acted with the grace of all my twenty-eight years of life and nodded in understanding with some hums of sympathy as I followed along maturely so as not to bother him.

That, however, would be a lie.

No, I didn't throw a tantrum.

I, instead, bided my time until the great Chief was distracted as he discussed Important Things with his advisors. After climbing pretty clumsily into his lap, which he only just tolerated with a sigh, I began to deftly tie bows of Dragon Nip into the ends of his beard around the bands holding his braids in place, at points weaving bits of the long grass _into_ his beard.

I was now standing next to Gobber, very happily admiring my work, as Stoic, who had not noticed, did nothing about the pretty decorative pieces I had added to him. _It's just missing something…_

"Gobber?"

"Yeah?"

"You wouldn't to have any flowers, would you?"

"Ha!" Gobber laughed, his voice echoing out across the hall before he received a sharp glance from the Chief, which silenced him only in as much that he smacked his hand over his mouth and shook. Gobber shook his head in a negative, bending over as he tried to breathe.

I was little sad at being unable to give his look its 'finishing touches' but all in all was pretty happy with it.

Hearing the door to the Great Hall groan open, I turned glad to finally see Snotlout and his parents enter. Not that I was particularly okay with Spitelout as a character from the show, but I didn't know much of him as a person here so I tried not to dislike him immediately.

"Snotlout!" I called with a wide grin, running over to him. In all my childlike excitement, I had forgotten that I was Hiccup, son of the Chief of Berk, and not Ryan, the hug-obsessed, overly excitable nerd, and had tackle-hugged him with all of my small self before processing the thought. He didn't fall over, of course, but he did freeze up with my arms and legs curled around him in a glomp.

He petted my back awkwardly before I released him, giving him a small smile as I began blushing and internally berating myself, social anxiety eating at me as I rubbed the back of my head shyly.

"Hah. Ha-ha! You- you are so funny, Hiccup!" Snotlout said stiffly, pushing me towards one of the tables to sit at as Spitelout, who gave me a heated glare, and Mrs. Jorgenson went over to the Chief.

"Sorry," I mumbled as we sat next to each other at the table. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I won't do it again."

_Damned boundary breaking menace, Ryan_ , I thought shamefully. _You know better._

"What?" Snotlout asked, looking at me funny. "No, no. It's fine… It's just…" He sighed, flicking the table as he continued with a frown. "I tried to give my dad the protection charm and he told me 'Jorgenson's don't need charms, we are strong.' And then when I told him that I made it for him, he told me not to waste time such stupid things."

Putting my hand on his arm, I frowned, wondering if there was anything I could say in this situation. I wasn't really the best at comforting people. For instance I'd tried comforting Ariel, one of my closest friends, and ended up making her cry even more.

In other words, I'm _really_ bad at it.

But I didn't want to just not say anything.

So… I braced myself and told him the first thing that came to mind, hoping I don't cause lasting scars with my clumsy words.

"Well… if he doesn't accept it, you can still **give** him the protection grass."

He looked at me as if I was an idiot so I moved on quickly.

"I mean… since the grass is what has the protective qualities, with the way of preparing them just enhancing that, you can just tie pieces of it to him, or his clothes." This is essentially what I just did to Dad but I at least felt satisfied by it, so maybe Snotlout could enjoy doing something almost rebellious and ver cheeky or-

He's frowning more at me. _What have I done?! Is-is he gonna cry? Gods what if I ended up making Snotlout Jorgenson CRY?_

"What if he gets mad?" he asked in a small voice.

_Oh._

"Deny any and all involvement." _I'm a bad person._ "An make sure only to tie the grass to him while he's sleeping, and to his clothes, or, hey, even his weapons while he's not looking. And if he sees you, you can just say you were trying to learn to be as great as he is." I nodded proudly at my advice, all while believing at this point that I am no better than the twins. "But," I state with a very serious tone, hoping maybe I can sound less like a bad person, "you can only do this since it's to keep him from dying on the battlefield before Valhalla is ready for him." _Nope, still just as bad._

Snotlout nodded sagely, as if my advice was actually worth something. _When did I even earn his trust this much?_

"So, what about your dad?"

At this, I grinned, brushing over my feelings of failure and doubt. "He was too busy to pay attention to me," I said, watching confusion fill the Jorgenson's features. "So…" I pointed discretely over at Stoic, grin widening as I felt pride in my childish acts again.

Watching understanding come over him, I gave him a thumbs up, noticing Gobber observing us with a look of disbelief out of the corner of my eye.

When the adults finally join us with plates of food, I spot a perturbed frown on Dad's face as he seemed none too pleased to be joining the Jorgenson's with us at the table.

Snotlout and I continued having quiet conversations between ourselves throughout the meal until a loud complaint from Spitelout interrupted us.

With a loud clatter of his plate, Spitelout rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth and glared at me. "Stoic, what kind of man are you raising here?"

Silence fell over the hall as Stoic turned flashing eyes to him, face grim. "And **what.** Do you mean by that?"

" **Your** **son** had mine making bloody jewelry," Spitelout growled in disgust as I just blinked at the vehemance. _Why the hate, man?_

Stoic's gaze snapped to mine, the steel in it not softening as I stared back. "What is he talking about?"

Blinking rapidly, I frowned in confusion, unsure what was happening here. Holding out the bracelet I'd made earlier, I looked about at the serious atmosphere weighing over the table. _Seriously, what even?_ "It's a protection charm," I said defensively, not sure why I had to be defensive in the first place. "I told you about it earlier but you were really busy so I couldn't give it to you…" I trailed on, biting my lip and trying not to stare at the bows that bounced on Stoic's beard as he spoke.

"Is that so?" he asked to which I nodded, even more lost with the conversation. "So?"

Staring at his suddenly outstretched hand, I placed the charm in his palm, still not entirely sure it will fit his wrist, and also still not sure what in the name of _Frigg_ was going on. "You put it on your wrist," I supplied, holding up my arm with the charm Snotlout made me on it as reference.

"Thank you, Hiccup," Dad told me as he wore the bracelet and smiled at me, to which Spitelout scoffed.

_D-Did I just assist with a pissing contest?_

"Oh, ye've gone soft," papa Jorgenson growled.

"Careful, Spitelout."

"Thought he'd grow into a strong Viking without that woman's influence-"

The Chief's hand hit the table with a bang, as I flinched, realising the implications of his words and well aware he went too far.

"What?" Stoic the Vast snapped, his voice a rolling storm.

"You heard me," Spitelout hissed before standing. "We're leaving," he stated with finalty, staring hard at Snotlout causing him to leap out of his seat, spine straight, even as he gave me a look laden with concern.

I hadn't realised I'd zoned out until the door to the Great Hall slammed closed.

"Well, 'at could've gon' better," Gobber snorted, patting me on the shoulder in some sort of pitying gesture, to which I was still sort of lost.

"Just. Stop," Dad growled, as he stood and left the hall aswell, presumably to place a block of ice against his temple as he usually did when things took a turn for the worse.

I watched him leave before looking skyward again.

_Does it really need to be this hard, guys? Like, Syn, if you just wanted us not to hang out, a simple no would've sufficed._


	5. Chapter 5. How to Defame a Book (In Style)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so he doesn't literally defame or damage a book. He just... adds to it. Also Nightmares and dissociation. So... fun stuff?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Yo~ Been meaning to upload this for the past few days but... my girlfriend came over and her boyfriend came over as well as a few of my friends so I had to play host... and then we think someone died downstairs as huge flies attacked the building... it's been a mess of a few days.
> 
> Anyway, here's the chapter. Not as happy with it as I thought I'd be Xl damned characters kept changing the script on me... and yeah. Also this chapter deals with dissociation, just warning ya there.
> 
> Chapter 6 may be up by tonight, or sometime tomorrow, but will have a delay with chapter 7 as I've got two appointments tomorrow~ Yay~
> 
> Ahem, Enjoy (or not)

" _words_ " – English

"words" – Icelandic

_words_ – thoughts (opposite in dream)

* * *

_Cuddling into Adrianna's tall form, I sighed in fulfillment, he long arms pressing me closer, my legs tangling with her own._

_"_ _I love you," she whispered, kissing the top of my head, her hand moving down my side to lie on the lower curve of my stomach, her laughter vibrating through me. "And I love you, too."_

_Chuckling at her silly antics, I brushed her hand away so I could move further up her body to place a tender kiss against her lips._

_I felt entirely at peace as I relaxed into her, a strange hollow thought informing me I couldn't. Brushing it aside, I snuggled my face into the crook of her neck and inhaled deeply. "I've_ _**missed** _ _you," I sighed, trying to draw in her scent only to smell nothing._

Why did I miss her so much? She's _right here_.

_Feeling her arms tighten around me, I squirmed as it became uncomfortable._

_"_ _Adrianna, stop it," I squeaked, feeling the air in my lungs being squeezed out._

_Starting to feel claustrophobic I struggled more violently, restless with my need to be free as fear began clawing at my insides._

_"_ _Bearpup? Hey… what's wrong?" I wheezed, huffing and puffing as air became harder to draw in, and started to_ _**hurt** _ _. "Bearpup, STOP!" I shouted, lifting my head to try and_ _**look** _ _at her, to tell her I'm_ _**serious** _ _, to make her_ _**stop** _ _._

I can't see. I can't **SEE** _, I thought with growing horror, my arms flailing against the mass in front of me, no longer sure it was my girlfriend's arms that surrounded me, trapping me,_ _ **hurting**_ _me._

_I felt a rib crack as blood poured into my lungs, my already racked and shortened breaths becoming watery, and I was scared, so scared. "Please," I whimpered, "stop."_

**_"_ ** **_I love it when they fight back."_ **

_BANG!_

Sitting upright in bed, I gasped and heaved, eyes flowing with tears as I tried to orient myself.

" _A-Adrianna? Bearpup? Where are you…_ " I whimpered, sobbing into the bedspread crushed between my hands as I felt small, so very small, and weak.

" _Adrianna! Please! This isn't funny!_ "

My eyes darted about the unfarmiliar surroundings shrouded in shadow, nauseated by the spinning in my head and the deep terrifying confusion I felt. Noticing the shadows almost seeming to move, my heart rate climbed.

Bolting off the bed, away from the aversive setting, only to fall as my feet fell short of where they should have landed, my legs feeling _WRONG_. Shorter. Weaker. Stumbling, crawling along, I made it to the stairs, sliding and falling down them as my arms too fell short of where they were supposed to reach, my limbs not working or _feeling_ how they are _supposed_ to.

Landing in a heap at the bottom, I flinched as much from the loudness of my movement as I did from the pain. Seeing, from my new position, a warm fire burnin in the heart, I _knew_ but didn't _know_ would be there, I stared, burning the flickering flames into my mind as conscious thought seemed just out of reach. _Something isn't right_.

Moving slowly towars the fire, I flinched with each loud sound of my collapsing movements along the wooden floor, unadjusted to the awkwardness of my limbs, only to freeze in paralyzing terror as I saw, out of the corner of my eye, the stirring of _something_ on the large resting chair by the fire. The fear moved from my tensed muscles to chill me down to my bones as the stirring revealed itself as an enormous man pulled himself up to twice the height of the chair.

Swallong the scream in my chest to keep it from breaking past my teeth, I hoped if I was quiet enough they would not notice me, forget I was here, move away from me, or _ignore_ me.

Those hopes were shattered as the giant looked sharply down upon my prone form, pulling a bone-rattling shudder from my limbs, nearly convulsing in fear.

" _P-Please no_ ," I whimpered, hiccuping as my diaphragm spasmed along with the rest of my jelly-like body, tears drowning my shirt in wetness as I shook still.

The enormous man rushed towards me, hands the size of boulders reaching for me as he collapsed into half his size to _get to me_.

I scrambled back, heart jumping up into my throat as I screamed and shouted, throwing whatever my limbs, my _something-wrong-with-them_ limbs, could grab hold of even as everything nearby constantly seemed within reach with my hands still falling short. " _Nononono._ _ **No! Don't touch me!**_ "

Clawing and scratching as hands enclosed around my form, I felt bile creep up my throat, clogging my throat as I was lifted into the air. " _Help, please, someone! Anyone! Help me..._ " I blubbered, sinking blunt nails and teeth into barrelled arms.

"Hiccup, shh, it's okay," the giant mumbled to me in a strange language and I-

Freezing all my muscles, I quieted, pulling my hands and teeth away as I tried to swallow the bile down my raw and swollen throat.

"H-Hiccup?" Stoic the Vast mumbled as I went limp in his arms, one hand holding me while the other rubbed my back, my side and my cold arms.

Swallowing convulsively, I readjusted my mental map of my body so as to stop the dizzyness and nausea my confusion and depth perception had been causing.

"S-Sorry… Dad," I coraked, swallowing again as I he sat back down in the chair by the fire, resting me on his knee.

Stoic considered me with a great amount of concern in his eyes as I patted the little dents in his flesh that I had made in my panic, making sure I hadn't broken the skin.

"D-" he seemed to consider his words as he looked me over. "Do you want to see the Elder?"

Shaking my head slowing side to side, I gripped a bit his beard in hand, quirking the corner of my mouth up at the bows of grass still tied into it. "It…" I sighed, clearing my throat and rubbing a hand over my still damp eyes. "It was just a nightmare," I whispered softly, the ache in my chest worsening just a bit as my mind reminded me they had been memories, not simply subconscious plights.

Clearing his throat with a rumble, Stoic handed me a cup of warm yak milk. "I –ah." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Me too."

Gazing up at him blankly, I simply cuddled the warm cup to my chest, having always been weirded out by heated up milk.

"I uh, dreamt of when your mother was…" He cleared his throat. "Taken from us."

Petting his thumb with my little hand, I felt myself numbing out, mind kind of just icing over as everything was too much. Normally I would have made myself a cup of tea… but normally I woke up and knew I wasn't Ryan anymore.

"Is this…" Stoic hummed, "because of what happened today?"

Blinking slowly at the huge man, I yawned, barely aware I did anything today. _Ohh, Snotlout and… stuff… yeah._

Shaking my head slowly, I raised a hand to cover my yawn. "Have…" I huffed, "lots… of nightmares." Rubbing my eyes with a dry part of my sleeve, I handed Stoic the milk back and went to hop off his knee. "Happens… most nights."

Stoic stopped me with a hand on my shoulder as he set aside the mug, uncertainty taking over his features. "Would you like to sleep next to me tonight?"

Feeling my pride wilt a bit within my soul, I bit my lip, knowing it was only really acceptable since I was five.

Shaking my head gently, I tried not to (whilst also trying to) feel guilty, uncerntainty warring with my decision as his face dropped and he nodded solemnly. He probably needed the comfort just as much as I did… but my pride really wouldn't budge on this.

"I can stay with you until you fall asleep though," I told him sleepily, smiling up at him as the warmth of the fire removed the last of the chill from my bones.

Feeling a light tap against my head, I grinned cheekily as a spark of humour lit his eyes.

"Off ta beg with ya then," he barked, chuckling lightly even as I heard the strain in his voice. Glancing over my shoulder at him as I properly hopped off his knee, he glared at me warmly. "None of that funny business. I'm the parent here."

Scampering off up the stairs, I glanced back to Stoic once more. "Hey, Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

I smiled warmly at his almost exasperated tone. "I love you."

Hearing him chuckle, I finished racing up to my bed, just making it under the covers as I heard his gruff reply.

"I love you too."

* * *

"Rough night, lad?"

Rolling my eyes at Gobber, I rubbed a heavy hand across my cheek, smudging some oil in place. My limbs still felt wrong from the after affects of the dream, and it was making it that much harder to work on the simple sheepskin bag.

Hearing a sigh behind me, I glanced over my shoulder to see Gobber leaning against one of the workbenches and watching me.

"What?" I snapped with more bite to my tone than I intended.

"Ye can talk t' me about it, ye know," he exhaled, his stone tooth clicking against another tooth letting me know his was frowning.

"About what, Gobber?" I huffed, trying to line one of the pins up on the rough cut. "It's just a nightmare."

Feeling a rough hand dwarf my shoulder, I resolutely stared down at my hands, willing them to stop trembling.

"Ye're done for today."

"What?" I yelped in outrage. "Y-you can't!"

"I can an' I will." Gobber took the sheepskin out of my hands along with the pin as he turned me to look at him. "I won' have ye injurin' yerself in my workshop just 'cause ye don' know yer limits."

I glared up at him waiting as I crossed my hands over my chest, shoulders hunched. I was actually afraid to return to the house or let my mind wander or think. I just wanted a few quiet hours here in the forge to clear my mind, stay in the rhythm I had made for myself, so I could remember this was my _life_ now. There is no going back.

"Go home," he stated with finalty, his mustache swinging as he tilted his head down to look me in the eyes.

I looked away, clenching my still twitching hands, and sighed, trying to reason with my emotions that he was just looking out for me.

And I continued to tell my emotions that as I turned to the hanger where I put my apron back.

And I still continued as I turned back around, with Gobber working on one of the axes that had been dropped off, the Book of Dragons precariously sitting on the edge of a stool.

And then still I continued as I left the forge without a bakwards glance, my yak fur vest considerably fuller than it had been when I'd arrived.

* * *

Halfway back to the house I began questioning my actions and finally calming down from the temper tantrum. I know I didn't throw myself about screaming but still… I felt the book hidden beneath my vest weighing more and more as I walked.

_What if I've done something really bad? Gobber mut've had a reason for not letting me read it before. What if this is treason? What if-_

A tap on my shoulder had me leaping out of my skin with an undignified squeak.

Spinning around, I prepared to bolt in the other direction… or deny everything if it were Gobber asking for the book back.

But no, it was just Snotlout.

Letting out a huge sigh of relief, I gave him a lopsided smile, awkwardly rubbing the back of my head to cover up my behaviour. "H-Hey there… Snotlout."

"H-Hey, Hiccup…" Snotlout returned nervously, one of his hands rubbing his arm, as he looked anywhere but at me.

"Is… something wrong?"

"Wha- N-No… what gave you that idea?" he laughed hollowly, his eye movements becoming more frantic.

One of the other villagers walked past and he flinched, watching them as they moved further away from us. When he seemed to decide they were far enough away, he looked about anxiously and grabbed my arm, dragging me to the forest edge.

Waiting silently after he released me, I observed him pace back and forth pulling his hair whilst I leaned back against a tree. "Snotlout?"

At his name, he froze and finally looked at me, wide-eyed and sad, his bottom lip jutting out as it trembled.

Worried, I moved forward with my arms raised, offering to hug him, only for him to shake his head and look away, his shoulders hunching defensively.

"My dad said we can't be friends," he mumbled brokenly. I was really surprised that we had bonded so much in one day for him to actually come up to me instead of just avoiding me now. "B-But I don't want that…"

Letting my arms hang weakly at my sides, I moved a little closer. "We can still be friends," I insisted, feeling so concerned about this small sad child.

He looked down at me sadly, not seeming to believe my words. _What am I even doing here right now?_ "How? He said he doesn't want to even see me with you…"

"Well, then we can hang out where we wouldn't be found," I said, rubbing the back of my head again as I questioned my actions. I wasn't that bothered if we couldn't hang out for a while, though I would miss him, but I didn't want him to feel like he can't do what he wants just because his dad said so. _He's five, he should be running around, wreaking havoc and just being a kid. Not trying to be a big Viking so young._ "Like the field of protective grass we were in yesterday," I murmured, holding up my wrist to bring attention to the braid of Dragon Nip still bound there.

Snotlout rubbed his thumb over his own charm, and smiled weakly. "Yeah?" he asked.

Nodding, I smiled toothily, lacing my fingers behind my head.

"Oof," I wheezed as Snotlout's arms came around me and crushed me to him, removing all the air from my lungs.

"I-I know a bunch of places we could go where my dad wouldn't think to look," he laughed above my head as I tried to hug back but also find a way to reinflate my lungs. "In fact, since you're a lame nerd, we can even go **there**."

Finally released from my temporary prison, I took in grateful gulps of air until I could respond. "Where is **there** exactly?"

His face seemed to fight between a look of disgust and fondness as he thought. "Doesn't matter," he huffed, pushing his chest out and his shoulders back. "You'll get along with him fine since you're a nerd, too. At least, I think you are." He looked at me consideringly. "You **are** a nerd, **aren't** you?"

I rolled my eyes in response and gestured for him to just take me there. "You'll see."

Arriving at a modest hut, after much sneaking about to avoid the other villagers, I expected Snotlout to knock on the door, or just call out to someone, but no, this is Snotlout. He just walked right in as if it were his own home.

Following more hesitantly after him, I looked about the living area to see no one about before we continued up the stairs. "Can we really just come in here?"

Snotlout threw his hands to the side and scoffed. "Yeeeeah, I do it **all** the time."

"Is that you Snotlout?" called a maternal voice.

"See?" he murmured back to me. " **All** the time."

Coming uipon the next landing, I glanced about at all the books and notes and half written on paper, my eyes only then moving about to spot a little Fishlegs and who I presumed to be his mum.

"What are **you** doing here?" Fishlegs huffed, obviously annoyed, as he turned away from his journal to glare at Snotlout. Even at five years old the journal Fishlegs was holding seemed too small for his hands, and, as I popped my head around from behind Snotlout, that made his fine, neat writing all the more impressive.

"How do you get your runes to look like that?" I asked, forgetting that we were probably intruding upon the larger boy's space.

Mrs Ingerman laughed at the confused expression on Fishlegs's face as she stood and brushed herself off. "Seems I'll 'ave t' get some more apples 'en."

Blinking owlishly at her, I noticed she had been peeling an apple for Fishlegs from her spot on the wooly rug by his bed with an open journal beside her.

"Thanks Mrs Ingerman," Snotlout called, rolling his eyes at me. "Knew you were a nerd," he whispered, an exasperated yet pleased look on his face.

Lightly punching his shoulder, I hid a snort, not wanting to encourage his namecalling, and moved closer to Fishlegs, stopping once I noticed his tense posture.

"Snotlout," Fishlegs growled, eyes angry slits as he considered the other boy in the room. " **What** are you doing **here**?"

Said boy in question leaned against the wall beside Fishlegs, smirking with arrogance filling his face. "I come here whenever I want, Fishface."

Fishlegs tensed further at the insulting nickname. "Not since last week, you 'ave, Snotface. Or did you forget what you told the twins?"

The brutish child seemed to think about it a moment, his thick finger tapping his chin before he chuckled and leaned forward. "I **only** agreed that reading books is lame and un-Viking-like. What's **wrong** with that? It's the truth."

My gaze darted between the two as they started bantering in earnest. I wasn't sure whether to step in or not as this appeared to be common between them, neither boy getting particularly agitated as they continued, aside from the initial glare from Fishlegs. His tensing up now seemed as if it had been in preparation for the verbal sparring match they had.

"Who's that?" Fishlegs asked, snapping me out of my ruminations as Snotlout smirked triumphantly.

"I'm-"

"He's a nerd like you!" Snotlout laughed snottily.

Sighing at finally being noticed properly only to be ignored again, I smiled indulgently, considering whether to be annoyed or just look around at the various notes and books. Vaguely, I realised Fishlegs must have been the one getting to Johann's ship first and taking all the books and maps.

"Snotlout. You call anyone who doesn't spend all their time punching things a nerd. What relevance does that even have here?"

Blinking at the complex word, I realised I shouldn't be surprised Fishlegs knew the word even at five. What shocked me even more was that _Snotlout_ understood.

"U-Um…" I stuttered, halting their argument over whether a boat craftman counted as a nerd or not, I scuffed my shoe on the wooden floor. Uncomfortable under their wide-eyed and expecting gazes, I tried to be brave. _They're just two five-year-olds, I shouldn't even be anxious. Why would they care that I'm awkward_. "I'm Hiccup," I mumbled, feeling none of my twenty-eight years of experience, all of it just crumbled into so much ash beneath my social anxiety.

Snotlout laughed and smacked me on the back as Fishlegs just frowned at me. "You're so stupid, Hiccup. Wow."

Frowning at them both, I didn't get it.

"I know," Fishlegs stated, hugley unimpressed. "I'm not an idiot."

"But you asked-"

I was cut off by Fishlegs sigh. "I have no idea what you thought you were doing bringing him here, Snotlout. Even less than what you may have thought thinking you were welcome here either."

"Wha- I know what I was doing!" Snotlout made some sort of weird gesture at me, seeming to expect me to do something.

Giving him a deadpan look, I turned away from them both, sat down in the corner and just started reading whatever book was closest. _Cartography: A Guide to Maps_.

At this moment, Mrs Ingerman returned up the stairs with a platter of sliced apples on it, dropping it on the end of Fishlegs bed before going back down the stairs.

_Why am I here? I could be at home looking over the Book of Dragons right now._

"Is he actually reading that?" Fishlegs whispered to Snotlout as I felt their eyes on me. _Annoyed by children. Really what great adulting you do,_ I thought sarcastically as I opened up to a page on how to draw maps.

I heard a thump in there direction as Snotlot scoffed. "Of **course** he is. He's a nerd."

Rolling my eyes at this, I looked up and jolted, my head hitting the wall behind me as Fishlegs's face filled my vision. _When did he get so close?_

"What?" I snapped, head back against the wall to get some space.

Fishlegs squinted his eyes at me and took the book from my hands, wandering away from me once he did. "No one touches my books," he hummed. "Except Mum, but she's okay."

"Really?" I sighed.

"I may… consider **lending** you one or two… **if** you had any books you could lend in return," he decreed, his lips upturned smugly.

"No need," I told him, childishly pulling out the Book of Dragons from under my vest. "I have something else I can read."

"No **way!** " Fishlegs squeaked, dropping to his knees in front of me. "The Book of Dragons! But **how**?"

"I have my ways," I murmured awkwardly as Snotlout hopped onto Fishlegs's bed, munching some apple slices and looking over at us triumphantly.

"Told you he's a nerd. Don't get why you're fussing so much."

"Snotlout!" Fishlegs whispered, his voice squeaking. "This is the **Book of Dragons**. We aren't even allowed to **look** at it until we're old enough for dragon training." His head whipped back around to me. "How did you even **get** close to this?"

Rubbing the back of my head, I once again regretted my childish behaviour, feeling guilt eat at my insides. "I borrowed it." _I'll just put it back as soon as I can._ _It's fine._

Fishlegs made some sort of strangled noise at that.

"He's the Chief's **son**. It's really not surprising. I mean… **I** could have gotten if. You know… if I'd **wanted** to," Snotlout snorted, rolling his eyes.

"I- I'll let you come over and read as many books as you like," Fishlegs whispered reverentially. "So c-can I look at it with you?"

"You'll share your notes too," I demanded, knowing I had just been allowed access to someone who'll have the largest amount of written knowledge in the future.

"Yes, anything. Anything you want."

Lightly tapping his shoulder with my knuckles, I tried to dispell this awkwardly tense atmosphere. "Okay, okay…"

Pulling my journal from my inner vest pocket with a charcoal pencil, I turned the book to the side so Fishlegs could see it too, making sure that if Snotlout wanted to look over he could see it too, and opened it.

"This is **so exciting** ," Fishlegs giggled.

Smiling nervously, I just took down notes quietly in my journal, making extra notes about each of the dragons that I remembered from the show.

"Pssh, what's so exciting about a bunch of words on paper?" Snotlout grumbled as he pretended not to be looking at the book.

"I could tell you stories about each of the dragons, if you'd prefer," I offered, smiling over at Snotlout. "You know… tales of terror, and stuff."

Fishlegs snorted at that. "We've heard **all** the tales. You wouldn't be able to tell us any new ones."

I shrugged at that, taking notes on the Thunderdrum as I recalled the episode where Stoic tried to train Thornado to be his dragon. "Have you heard how Gobber lost his limbs?"

"Pssh, **yeah** , a dragon ate them… I think," Snotlout muttered unsurely.

"Which dragon?" I asked, flipping the page to the next dragon.

"He never said," said Fishlegs.

"Apparently it was the Boneknapper," I hummed, sketching small pictures of the dragon paintings in the book. "It's still hunting him to this day. Searching for the missing piece of its armor that Gobber is using as a belt."

Snotlout scoffed, "You only know that 'cause you're his apprentice."

"What others do you know?" Fishlegs whispered excitably, taking notes now with his own journal.

I slid a sideglance at Fishlegs, and smirked. "There're a tales about some types of dragons larger than a mountain, some larger than two that could control other dragons." Noticing Snotlout leaning a bit off the bed watching me, I smiled a little more. "One tale is about a dragon queen known as 'The Red Death' who sits in the bottom of a hollow mountain demanding the other dragons feed her."

"What happens if they don't?" Snotlout whispered.

"She EATS them," I told with a loud clap of my hands, snickering as Snotlout flinched.

"In the tale are the dragons freed?" Fishlegs asked curiously, his brow furrowed as he took notes of, I assumed, the Book of Dragons.

"Oh yes," I murmured, amused. "A group of Vikings fight The Red Death and free the dragons." I smiled as I paused for dramatic effect. "They fight her from atop dragons."

"Whoa," Fishlegs whispered. "Those Vikings would have to be crazy. No wonder it's only a legend."

I sighed at this, flipping to the next page. "Dragons aren't all bad. **We** could ride them if we just treated them nicely."

Snotlout and Fishlegs laughed at my words, informing me that I was insane, and that not even the twins would think that.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," I huffed. "I'll have you eating your words when I **do** become friends with one."

This set them off into more giggles so I sulkily continued making notes of the book as I ignored them.

I had hoped that at least children would maybe believe me, but no. This is going to be an uphill battle.

Their laughter begain to die off once I made it to the Night Fury page, only to turn to gasps of horror as I drew a picture of toothless in it using the charcoal. _If only I had some ink…_

"What are you doing?" Fishlegs gasped. "This is an artifact of dragon knowledge!"

"I'm updating it," I stated blandly as I continued drawing. "Like I did with the other pages."

"You what?!" he squeaked, Snotlout looking at us blankly, not getting it.

Flipping through to the other pages like the Deadly Nadder where I wrote about approaching them slowly and carefully from behind, that they'll let you smooth their spikes, and to the Whispering Death where I wrote that once every hundred years they'll lay an egg much larger than the others that becomes the Screaming Death, and other pages where I wrote some more notes. At this point Fishlegs was hyperventillating, and Snotlout was scoffing at me.

"Bork the **Bold** wrote this. He knew everything about dragons," Fishlegs stated dramatically. "You're just a kid, I bet you've never even **seen** a dragon."

I sighed and continued making notes on the Night Fury. Technically, I had only seen one dragon _in person_ , but I had seen all of the dragons from the show. Besides, the teens in dragon training could probably test some of these things out for me… if they read it… and if Gobber doesn't kill me.

"That aside, **no one** has seen a Night Fury. **No one!** "

"Isn't that the point?" Snotlout asked. "That no one can see them."

"That's just because they attach under the cover of darkness. You'd be able to see one just fine in the day," I countered only for Snotlout to roll his eyes. _Arguing with a five-year-old, how low I have fallen._ "You know, one of the dragon riders from the legend rides a Night Fury."

"Oh **yeeeeah** , I totally believe that. And I **bet** one of them even rides a monstrous Nightmare," Snotlout scoffed.

"They do. He's a Jorgenson."

" **What?!** " Snotlout shouted, scrambling off the bed to grab my shoulders. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"That's just a **legend** ," Fishlegs huffed. "One I've never even heard of. I bet it's not even true."

"There's also an Ingerman who rides a Gronkle," I continued thoughtfully. If I told a few stories of the dragon riders now, later I may save myself some trouble when they realise it was true, just no a legend and instead a story about them. When I get to the part where the TV series starts, I could probably just tell them I've heard a story about certain dragons before or… _I'll have to work out how to spin this, stories won't account for everything…_

"Uhm, no. I would **know** if one of my ancestors rode a dragon," Fishlegs laughed bitingly. "I've heard **all** my family's legends."

"Yeah," Snotlout agreed, though hope remained in his innocent eyes. "I bet one of them was even a Hofferson."

"Yeah, she rode a Nadder. And there were two Thorstons who rode a Zippleback."

Fishlegs huffed out a laugh. "Sure, with the rivalry between the Hoffersons and the Jorgensons, I'm **sure** a team like that could work out."

Smiling softly at Fishlegs's argument, I recalled that Astrid and Snotlout _really_ didn't get along most of the time. I liked that part about them quite a bit during the series. "It's just a legend I heard, maybe it was before the rivalry."

"Who even told you this legend?" Fishlegs asked haughtily.

"My mum," I answered, knowing she wouldn't return for another fifteen years and not the least bit bothered from lying about her.

"You don't even **have** a mum," Snotlout accused, whilst Fishlegs appeared as if he'd swallowed a rock and looked at Snotlout in horror.

Feighning hurt, I laid a hand across my heart. "You wound me," I intoned, trying to be serious even as the smirk crept across my face.

"Wh- B- Snotlout! You can't say that!" Fishlegs shouted, confused.

I patted his shoulder and shook my head in pity. I wasn't hurt, or offended. I was genuinely amused. "It's okay, Fislegs. I'll just steal his mum."

"Wha- you can't!"

I poked my tongue out at him.


	6. Chapter 6. How to Clumsy Your Way Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dissociation stuff again~ Some thoughts back to his past life. Hiding his mental illness. Snotlout being himself? cute? one of those. Also meeting the twins. And violence ish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: ~pokes tongue out~ Dear Guest, Fight ME. O_O
> 
> Ahem, and to Jreptile101 and DarkDust27, thank you for the reviews XD I was so scared to actually look at them that when I actually read them I was that much more amazed by them. Glad you're enjoying the story.
> 
> ~waves arms about~ I have a lot of surprises in store for future chapters, this right now until the movie scenes is all just build up, and, eventually, there will be major plot divergence, and potential cross overs.
> 
> So to anyone who actually reads this (And by this I do kind of mean the author's note) let me know what you want to see.
> 
> Do you want to see Jack Frost popping up as a potential love interest/friend/sent by the moon man for OC!Hiccup to do some stuff?
> 
> Do you want to see other characters from, probably, any other universe? (I've watched a lot of stuff, just request and I can probably add an arc about it)
> 
> Do you want major/minor character death (You sick, evil, fantastic people)?
> 
> Do you want Toothless to be able to become human at will? (Please say yes, I'd love to write that)
> 
> I'm a weakwilled author who just wants to write, and well once I get to the Race to the Edge series, I will be adding in any suggestion made in reviews from that point on ;) so let me know what you want (and so sorry this was long, I just forgot to put it in before and got too excited)
> 
> Anyway, Enjoy~ (Or not~)

" _words_ " – English

"words" – Icelandic

_words_ – thoughts

* * *

Over the past few days, I had mainly spent my time with Snotlout and Fishlegs at the Ingerman's house, though I had been glad once I had finally been allowed to return to the forge.

Gobber had forbid me from any leatherwork the day after meeting Fishlegs as well so I had tried my best to avoid looking even vaguely tired in front of him. _I couldn't help the nightmares even with Gothi's tea._

Not that being away from the workshop was all bad.

The amount of random Viking facts I learnt from Fishlegs more than made up for it, even if I did make very little progress in convincing him and Snotlout that not all dragons are bad, I eventually got them to conceed that they're smart creatures.

Though what really made up for the practice I was missing out on in the forge, was hanging out with Fishlegs's mum.

She had noticed me watching her preparing food downstairs and had offered to teach… and that she'd keep it a secret from Stoic. Her lessons in cooking had been homely… and I realised I had missed that.

In some ways being around Mrs Ingerman had felt like being around my dad from my old life, during the good times.

She would tease the three of us, and banter with us, and throw witty comebacks our way whenever the three of us were downstairs with her, and she would warmly, _patiently_ , teach me the ways of cooking. Which was definitely a nice change from Gobber's barked orders at the forge and Stoic's disappointed grumbles the few times we got a chance to go fishing.

Hearing clattering behind me as Gobber searched about for a tool he'd left under one of the workbenches, I snuck a glance at the pile of weapons he'd been given to sharpen and mend, wondering when he was going to find the Book of Dragons under it.

_Maybe by the end of today,_ I thought.

He'd had to delay dragon training, _more like dragon killing_ , until he could find it. I just hoped that when he did, he wouldn't immediately realise I had stolen it, thus giving me some time to run and hide.

"Weapon fixer!" a voice I had become all too familiar with called out snottily. "My bludgeon has a scratch and **must** be fixed!"

Gobber snarled under his breath, gesturing me over to the larger boy. "He's **yer** friend, **you** deal with 'im."

Wearily, I dropped the leather I had been struggling with and wandered over to Snotlout, glancing back at Gobber every few steps to make sure he wasn't going to change his mind. After the first time I failed to even lift a hammer using all my weight, he had shoved me away from the front counter and into the back of the workshop, immediately grabbing whatever weapon I even tried to move within seconds of me touching it.

"Oh, **weakling** ," Snotlout spat, his nose turned up in disgust. "Here, make sure you don't **drop** it. Not that you **can** carry it anyway," he continued, squinting his eyes at me as he held it out for me to take.

Raising an eyebrow at him, I moved forward to grab it… only for it to slip between my fingers and hit the ground, just barely missing my toes.

"Oh **look** at what you've **done**!" Snotlout screeched indignantly, bending forward to inspect it as I bent down to pick it up. _He's the same age as me. How can he even lift this like he does?_

"Come to the forest edge when you're done. I have something to show you," Snotlout whispered, his eyes wide and expecting until I nodded in response before he swept his hands out wide. "Oh no, this simply **won't** do!" he called loudly again, squinting down at me over his nose.

A snarl from Gobber drew my gaze as he wandered over and snatched the bludgeon from its place on the ground, knocking my weak grasp clean from it. "It that all, **Jorgenson**?" he spat, as Snotlout gazed at his fingernails.

"Why, **yes** , I do believe so." Snotlout sauntered out of the workship heaving a put upon sigh. "The **help** these days."

"I swear I'm gonna throw that kid in front o' a herd of rampaging yaks," Gobber mumbled under his breath, as he dropped the bludgeon on top of the stack of weapons with a _thump_ causing half of them to tip over and reveal the Book of Dragons. Helping to move some of the smaller weapons, which there were few of, I heard Gobber still muttering under his breath, not having noticed the book. "Are ye s're ye're friends with 'at one, lad?"

"It's complicated," I replied with a small smile, secretly pleased with the act Snotlout had made of our friendship.

"Oh, ya, complicated, he says," he grumbled, lifting a bunch of the weapons up to plonk them back on the table only to see the Book of Dragons. "Is that where that's been?" he shouted in surpise, dropping the weapons on the workbench I had been doing leatherwork on.

Dropping the few small items I had managed to pick up onto the weapon pile, I tried to wrangle the piece of leather free from under it.

"Hiccup…" Gobber called warningly. Not looking up from the leather I was trying to free, I said nothing. "Did you know where it was this whole time?"

"Know where what was?" I asked blandly, my shoulders tensing, knowing that I wasn't even supposed to know about the Book of Dragons let alone where Gobber would leave it.

As Gobber seemed to realise this too, he grumbled some more under his breath. "Nothin'."

* * *

So, the "something" that Snotlout had wanted to show me turned out to be a network of caves. Which wasn't terribly exciting as the thought of getting lost in the cave without Snotlout to guide me, not only from the cave but also back to the village with my poor directional skills, filled me with a great sense of unease, though I appreciated his efforts to take me adventuring.

After being informed that Fishlegs wasn't coming with us, since he was a 'baby that is afraid of the dark,' we stood before the mouth of the cave as Snotlout hesitated, something on his mind.

"So, uhm," he stuttered, rubbing his arm nervously. "You should probably stay close to me."

"I had planned on that, yes," I shot back with a smirk. "Since I'm weak, and can't tell a yak from a hedge of brambles."

"No no, I mean, **really** stay close to me…" he continued, glancing about as if dangers lurked about. "At least… until they get used to you…"

"Until **what** gets used to me, Snotlout?"

"Doesn't matter," he huffed, straightening his shoulders as he dragged me into the cave. "You'll see."

"I'll see what?" I growled, tired of his noncommittal answers to anything I genuinely want to know.

"Yes, dear Snotlout, what will he see?"

"Or see, will he not, dear brother?"

Jolting in freight, I clung onto Snotlout's arm until my eyes adjust to the caves. _You know those voices, it's fine. Shh, calm down, damnit._

"Cut it out guys," Snotlout responded, moving the two of us off to the left some ways.

Finally seeing at least the outlines of the three other figures in the cave, I breathed a sigh of relief, the claustrophobic feeling subsiding as depth perception became a thing again.

"Hiccup," Snotlout said, gesturing to the two matching figures opposite us. "This is Ruffnut and Tuffnut."

"Yes, I am Tuffnut Thorston, or was I Ruffnut," murmured the one on the right. "Ow!"

"I'm Ruffnut, idiot," growled the one on the left, their faces still mostly shapeless in the darkness.

"Are you sure? I could've sworn I was-" The figure on the left hit the other person again. "You are right. I am not Ruffnut."

"Not like it matters," Snotlout huffed. "I'll never be able to tell you two apart anyway." Here I imagined him rolling his eyes. "Can you just explain the rules of Hide'n'Go Kill to the newbie so we can play the game."

"You sure you don't just want us to explain the rules because **you** forgot them," Ruffnut snorted, now perched atop her brothers prone form on the ground.

"Wha- No. I've played, and **won** enough times to know what the rules are."

"Oh **yeeeeeah**?" Tuffnut laughed breathlessly, his ribs probably being pressed into the hard packed dirt. "Prove it."

"O-Oh, I would, but-" Snotlout stuttered, his hand bumping into me as he rubbed his arm. "But… my throat is **really** dry, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Tuffnut mumbled as he stood up and gestured to Ruffnut. "Sister? Would you like to do the honours?"

"Why, yes, I would, Brother," Ruffnut preened with a grandiose bow. "The game is quite simple, really. The Killer is given a weapon and is made to leave the cave until they lose their- What was it we decided to call it?"

"Night vision, dear Sister."

"Ahhhh yes, night vision. And the people to be killed would hide in the cave until the Killer returned."

_Sounds easy enough, pretty much Hide'n'Go Seek in a dark cave._

"O-Ohhhh! The next part is my favourite," Tuffnut cheered excitedly, with what appeared to be a twisted grin pulling at his face.

"The aim is for the Killer to knock out each of the people hiding, while the people to be killed must either **kill** the Killer first, or last until someone else **kills** the Killer."

I raised my hand timidly.

"Yes, you, the small one," Ruffnut called gruffly, pointing at me.

"By **knock out,** you mean that metaphorically right?"

"If by meta- whatever you just said, you mean using the weapon, or your bare hands, however, to make the other person unconscious, then yes," Tuffnut offered unhelpfully as I backed up behind Snotlout.

"Hey…" Ruffnut moved closer, seeming to be eyeing me. "Are you sure he'll survive?"

I felt Snotlout shrug in front of me. "You're alive, aren't you?"

"Fair point," Tuffnut called out at the same time that Ruffnut snarled whilst punching her brother, "What is **that** supposed to mean?"

"You know… Maybe this isn't such a good idea…" I mumbled nervously, really not up for potentially dying or getting brain damaged.

"What are you, a yak?" Tuffnut quipped.

"I think you mean-"

"Don't bother," Ruffnut sighed. "I got all the brains."

"Oh yeah?!" Tuffnut snapped.

"Yeeeeah!" she sneered.

"If I'm it, I'll just tap your shoulder," Snotlout whispered close by my ear, bringing me some measure of comfort.

"Thanks," I whispered back, a little unsure why he was being so… well, nice to me. This is the second time he's introduced me to friends of his and now he's offered to spare me of the pain that is apparently central to this game.

"Who's gonna be it?!" Ruffnut yelled, pulling me out of my contemplative thoughts.

"Uh, I think the obvious choice should be me," Snotlout scoffed, adding in a quiet whisper just to me, "So you can get used to the game." _Baffled, thankful but absolutely baffled._

"You always go first," Ruffnut whined.

"Yeah," Tuffnut chimed in, before straightening suddenly. "I have an idea."

"Is it the one where I hit you with a mace?" Ruffnut offered.

"Well yeeeeeah, always that one, but no. I have another idea!" he cheered. "Why don't we have **the small one** be the Killer," he intoned dramatically.

"B-But I've never played before, and-"

"Oh it's **fiiiiiine**. It's easy," Ruffnut said, pulling me to face the direction we entered from. "You just take this." She handed me what felt like a fist-sized rock. "And you go outside, then you come back and hit us on the head with that." She gave me a shove forward. "Just make sure to hit Tuffnut **extra hard**."

Trembling, I continued forward until I reached the light of the cave. I was a little terrified that I was going to accidentally murder one of them, and very terrified that I was going to be lost in that cave forever. I guess I'd just have to hope that Snotlout kept one of those things from happening, and what a comfortingly thought that is; my fate in Snotlout's hands.

Finding a patch of sun, I tried to calm my anxious heart, finally out of the claustrophobic caverns.

I thought over my choices for this. I could take the cowardly, though sane, way out by locating Snotlout first, and maybe be seen as a target by the twins later. _Or_. I could be sadistic, seeing how I did know some ways to incapacitate someone without killing them, and that would be fun, but… I'm five, with little to no muscles, and all of them are bigger than me.

I sighed, and looked about, wondering if going to Snotlout was the only way…

_If I could even get to him first_ , I thought nervously.

Releasing another heavy breath, I tossed the rock up in the air and caught it a few times, moving back into the cave. _Right, they're going to attack me as well… Greeeeat._

Feeling my throat swell as my sight disappeared again, the hair on the back of my neck rising in anticipation, I strained my ears to hear anything around me. _I wonder if I can train my hearing like this…_

A clatter of stones further down the cave caused my heart rate to spike, my hands slick with sweat making my grip slack on the fist-sized stone.

Slowing my breath so it wouldn't hinder my hearing, I paused in my steps, listening.

_Nothing. Left then?_

Veering off to the left, unsure where the edges of the caves were anymore, I continued on.

_Stupid of me to not just follow the walls of the caves. I'd at least_ feel _less disorientated and-_

I dropped to the ground and rolled as I heard heavy breathing to my left, images of a large hand picking me up and another smothering my mouth coming to mind as I continued to roll until I hit the wall, bile trying to climb up my throat.

_Shut up. It's not real. Focus._

"Yaks," muttered Tuffnut, his footsteps sliding along the ground with a loud scraping sound, seeming to have lost me. _How did I not hear that?_

Waiting for the sound of scraping to get further away, I stayed frozen against the cave wall, breathing softly, wondering how long it took for my eyes to adjust last time.

Shifting as the sound finally got far enough away for my comfort, I moved into a crouching position. I was about to stand again when the sound of quick heavy footsteps echoed throughout the cavern, getting louder.

Freezing in my hunched over position, I blinked several times to see something, _anything_ , anixety crawling over my skin.

"Hiccup?" I heard Snotlout whisper.

Unexpectedly, relief did not wash over me at the sound of his voice, a sense of apprehension dwarfing me as I tried not to move a muscle. _Why does this have to happen now?_

His footsteps moved safely away as I continued to fight my fear that had frozen me to the spot, images flashing by quicker now as my inability to see and the damp cold egged them on.

Swearing under my breath, I began chanting this life's name over and over in my head as I slowly stood, almost deciding that being knocked out would be better.

Following the cave wall, I felt it start to turn in the direction I heard Tuffnut going in, so I detached from the wall and dropped to the ground, crawling forward on my belly, only to freeze again as I heard footsteps again.

My whole body tensed as I waited for the victorious shout, or sound of something swinging for my head.

It didn't happen. Instead the footsteps got quicker, running closer though I had thought they were right by me to begin with.

Pain raced through my ribs as I felt something collide with them, a surprised shout accompanying the weight that slid over me and crashed further down the cave.

Not waiting for them to get up, _or to make sure they're okay_ , I scrambled to my feet and ran blindly in the opposite direction to which they had been running. I slipped and fell a few times feeling sharp stones and grit dig into me as I did but I just hopped up and kept running, my breaths shortening.

Eventually, I hoped, I'd either run out of the caverns or just run into one of the others and collapse, pretending that knocked me out, or I guess, just into a wall.

Not soon after that thought, I really had run into a wall. My face bounced off the hard surface, a rough part of it scraping my cheek as I ricocheted off it, only to land on my back as I was stunned.

"Really, Hiccup?" Snotlout whispered, his hand snatching mine out of the air, stopping my head from recoiling on the hard stones.

"Snotlout?" I murmured drunkenly. "Did I win?" I joked.

I could almost sense him rolling his eyes as he pulled me to his feet. "Time's up."

"THERE WAS A TIME LIMIT?!" I squawked indignantly. "You couldn't have told me that sooner?"

Snotlout dragged me along, not answering me as he guided me to the exit.

Blinking in the bright afternoon sun, I rubbed my eyes, and imediately regretted my actions. As Snotlout freed my arm, I brushed the both of them off on my pants, returning them to my eyes to rub some of the grit I'd put there out of them.

A hand hit my back while I was occupied, throwing me forward a step. "That was **awesome**!"

Looking over at Tuffnut's bleeding face, I winced in sympathy and glanced over at Ruffnut who sported a similar injury.

"Two for the price of one," Ruffnut chuckled, tapping her fist with Tuffnut's.

"Hah! What happened to you two?" Snotlout snorted.

I watched the two of them exchange a crooked grin as they both began to gesture wildly.

Within all the fast-paced chattering over the top of each other I didn't get anything.

"You understand any of that?" Snotlout whispered to me.

I shook my head with wide eyes as the twins fell over laughing.

"What?!" the Jorgenson snapped.

"H-Hiccup- He-" and that was all Ruffnut got out before bursting into a fit of giggles again.

Seeing the look Snotlout was giving me I waved my hands in front of me and shook my head again. "I don't know!"

"Don't **know**?" Tuffnut crowed as he stood up and placed his hand and some of his weight on my shoulder, wobbling my shaky balance. "You, my **friend** , are a genius!" he chuckled, throwing his arms up excitedly.

_I'm still confused._

"Taking us both out like that!" Ruffnut snorted. "Awesome."

I tilted my head to the side. "I thought only one of you tripped over me…"

The Thorstons began sniggering again.

"Yeah, you got Tuffnut and **then** ," Ruffnut paused dramatically, "I fell over **him**."

"Brilliant set up, I must say," Tuffnut continued, pointing at me with both hands.

"So," Ruffnut hummed. "Who won out of you two?"

"Uh, I did, obviously," Snotlout scoffed, rolling his eyes. _Oh, is that what he meant before_.

"Yeah. I ran into him and bounced off his chest," I admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of my head.

"Yaks," Tuffnut huffed.

"Hey, Hiccup."

"Yeah, Ruffnut?"

"You in a rush to get home?"

I shooked my head and looked at her curiously, as she grinned.

"Then since you're the newest addition, it shall be your task to decide on the next activity."

"Oh, well I could teach you how to make protection charms?" I offered.

"What are **those**?" Tuffnut sneered.

I held up my arm and pulled down my sleeve to reveal the Dragon Nip braid. "It can keep you safe."

"Safe?" he scoffed. "Who would want to be safe when you could almost **die**."

Titlting my head in confusion, I didn't say anything, not even knowing where to start with that statement.

"Yeah," Ruffnut agreed, head butting her brother as they snickered.

"Y-Yeah, who'd even **want** one of those," Snotlout agreed nervously.

"Got any other ideas?" Ruffnut sniggered. "You know, good ones."

Shrugging, I thought for a moment. "We could tell scary stories."

Snotlout seemed to flinch at that. "Pssh, a-as if that's-"

"Yes!" Tuffnut cheered. "I **love** scary stories. Sad we don't have Fishface hear to scare the pants of but-" He glanced about the group, his eyes lingering on Snotlout as he grinned maniacally. "Yes, this will do."

"Yes, indeed," echoed Ruffnut.

"Pssh, yeah, bring it on," Snotlout warbled weakly. "Y-You won't scare me."

* * *

Snotlout flinched at every crack of a branch or howl of wind as we made our way back to the village, the twins staying behind saying they were going to camp out there.

"Snotlout?"

"Wh-What?" he squeaked, wide eyes catching mine. "I-I mean." He cleared his throat. "What."

I tried not to giggle at his frightened behaviour. I failed, collapsing into sniggers within moments.

"You're evil," he huffed, looking about anxiously.

Sobering a bit, I patted his arm. "None of those monsters are in these woods, you know."

He turned his nose up at that as he stubbornly walked forward, his flinches smaller now. "I knew that."

"Snotlout?"

"What, Hiccup?"

"Thanks for today. It was a lot of fun." _The scary story part anyway._

"O-Oh." Snotlout smiled softly at that and I was glad I had chosen to make an effort to thank him for anythin he did for me. It was good to see him genuinely happy and secure.

"See you tomorrow," I murmured happily as we cam up to the village border.

His hand on my shoulder stopped me from walking away. Glancing over my shoulder at him, I notcied the defensive way he was holding himself. "Snotlout?"

His arms wrapped around me in a tight hug. "Thank you for being my friend," he whispered softly, his arms tightening slightly.

I hugged him back, feeling a smile pull at my features.

"See you later," he coughed as he pulled back, running home without looking back.

Warmth pooled in my chest and I let the smile remain on my face as I started walking home, humming as I did.

I basked in the happiness I felt, smoothing over the anxiety and fear from earlier in the afternoon as I focused on the better parts where Ruffnut told chilling stories and Tuffnut's stories became more comedic over time, with Snotlout's whimpers an amusing bonus. Not all of the stories I had told had been retellings of the possible future either. I had told horror stories I had read online in my past life, ones that had truly frightened me at the time, and it felt good… Not having to smother all of my memories of my past. I could actually talk about some of them… It was a relieving discovery.

Bumping into something, I stumbled back a few steps and shook my head, chuckling to myself… until I looked up.

A small angry girl with braided pigtails glared back at me, her big blue eyes thin slits of annoyance.

_Is that-_

"You're in my way," she huffed, her eyes level with mine.

"O-Oh, sorry, **Astrid**."

She stiffened at her name and gave me a look, one of her eyebrows rising past the line of her helmet as her hands came to rest on her hips. "Do I know you?"

I struggled not to break into a smile as I was reminded of one of my partners… but, like, a _tinier_ version of them, which is saying something since Ash was around five feet tall, and just as grumpy.

"I don't think so," I replied, stepping to the side so she could move past me.

I watched as she left, the smile on my face growing as I thought of Ash, humming as I turned around to continue on my way, only to pause and look back at her again, my heart pounding in my ears.

_What if_ -

I ran to my house before the thought could fully process. I slammed open the door and ran up the steps, taking to at a time until I got to the journal I hid under my thin pillow.

_What if I wasn't the only one who_ -

I stopped the thought again, flinching as I didn't really want to consider the possibility that Ash had- well, and then reincarnated, maybe.

A mixed, twisted feeling of despair and hope filled me. A chance to not be alone, to talk to someone from my old life, to _acutally hug someone I loved_. I-

My thoughts clattered to a halt as a tear slipped down my face.

_Am I really hoping_ those people _got to Ash too?_

_No_ , I resoned with myself, thinking their illness could've taken its toll or-

My chest hurt, breath becoming harder. I _didn't want_ for them to be _dead_. I didn't want that anymore than I wanted _Adrianna_ to be-

I felt sick, throwing my journal back on my bed as I grabbed the bag of herbs from my desk and going downstairs.

I focused on boiling the herbs as I tried to arrange my thoughts.

_But- No._

Inhaling the arome of the boiling herbs, I scrubbed my cheeks, flinching as I brushed the scrape on one of them causing it to sting as I had wiped salty tears over it.

Pouring my self a mug of tea, I returned to my room and bundled under the covers.

_If either of them reincarnate here then… Then I'll find out eventually. Thinking like this now is just dangerously stupid wishfulness and I shouldn't be wishing for the death of my partners just so I can see them again_.

Sipping part of the warm liquid into my mouth, I held it there, swirling it around to coat the inside as something to focus on.

_Are they okay?_ I wondered, hoping the worst hadn't happened.

I knew Bob, their primary partner, would be there for Ash, and that Adrianna had Tyrone but… _She told me she couldn't live without me…What if she…_

I sighed heavily, picking up my journal and pulling my charcoal pencil from within my vest and started drawing.

Each line took place on the paper, awkwardly forming the faces of my lovers, my tears continuing to wet the paper.

"Hiccup?!" Stoic called up the stairs.

I put the mug on the floor beside my bed, hiding it from view, same with my journal and pencil as I crawled further under the covers and pretended to be asleep. I didn't want to be Hiccup anymore today, even as I was frustrated with my moods. _I had been doing so well today…_

"The Gods hate me…" I whispered as I buried my face in the pillow.

"Hiccup?" I heard Stoic call as he came up the stairs. "Oh."

Heavy footsteps pattered closer to my bed, floorboards squeaking as they did. "Hiccup?" he whispered.

He let out a hum, leather creaking and shoes scraping the wood as he turned around. "I'll let you sleep then," he said with a chuckle as he walked down the stairs, mumbling to himself. "Must've had a long day, 'en."

Hearing the front door slam, I wasn't sure if I wanted to finish my tea or just sleep now. I was tired, and my mind felt like it was trying to unravel.

Sitting up, I snatched the tea off the floor and stared at the wall opposite me, glaring at it. If I was going to be depressed, and lost, and mad for the rest of the night, I may as well finish my tea and find something to do; something unproductive and un-Hiccup-like.

Too bad I was actually like Hiccup in a lot of ways, and could actually see him doing a lot of the things I do.

Heck, he probably even wrote smut too.

Irritation filled me as my mood swung again.

_I'm going to find a skirt. He probably wouldn't wear a skirt right?_


	7. Chapter 7. How to Build Your Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oc!Hiccup frustrated by weakness asks the 'other' kids what to do. You can imagine how that goes. Again, nightmares and bed wetting. Implied rape/assault. Also angsty Hiccup and Stoic moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Heyyyy, so this is the second last chapter of him being five. After the next chapter I'm hoping to speed things up a little (eg. Taking my plot ideas for each chapter and moving them to fit as many into each chapter as I can)
> 
> Bonus! It makes it easier for me to write too.
> 
> Anyway, (if you're interested) send me story ideas for later arcs that I'm putting between the Defenders of Berk timeline and the Race to the Edge timeline (I'm not being a lazy author, I just genuinely want to know if people want to see Jack Frost and my Oc!Hiccup interact, or some such stuff like that)
> 
> Also… I'm really sorry this took longer than usual… It's been an up and down past few days… So uh… I made a tumblr blog (TheGodsHateMe) and that'll… have updates on how long til the next update and little drawings of scenes and extra stuff… or … ya know, see me talk to myself, I do that a lot there.
> 
> Upside! This chapter is even longer this time~ By like 1000 words so yay!
> 
> As per usual, Enjoy~ (Or Not~)

" _words_ " – English

"words" – Icelandic

 _words_ – thoughts

* * *

"What do ye think ye're doing?"

I readjusted my grip on the handle of the axe resting on my designated workbench, focusing all the strength into my little arms and legs to try to lift it, not sparing any effort to look in Gobber's direction. "What does it look like I'm doing?" I huffed.

I felt the bench shift as Gobber leaned against it. "Honestly? Like ye're goin' ta hurt yerself," he quipped as the axe slid closer to the edge of the bench and the stool I was standing on but made no upwards lift.

I glared at the axe, frowning. "I'm just trying to lift it, since you so helpfully pointed out that I can't even learn how to heat the coals until I can lift an axe."

"Oh, and how's 'at workin' out for ye?"

I let go of the handle and glared in his direction. "You know, you could just tell me what I'm doing wrong instead of being all smug about it."

Gobber smirked from his place beside me. "An' what fun would that be?" He tapped his metal tong attachment against the axe. "All I'm sayin' is, ye're lookin' at this all wrong."

"Seriously, Gobber?" I asked, exasperated.

"No, no, **really**. Ye're not like the other Viking kids who can swing an axe about easily. Even the little Thorston devils can do that much an' they aren't much bigger than you."

"What's your point?"

"My point is you shouldn't be tryin' to do things like 'em 'cause ye're not 'em. Ye know?"

I squinted at him, half in disbelief and half in confusion. _Was that a backhanded insult or genuine advice?_

I brushed my raw hands off on my apron and continued on with the other leatherwork I had been doing before I was sidetracked. "You're just saying that so you don't have to watch my pitiful attempts anymore."

Gobber laughed as he moved back the forge, pounding a sword back into shape. For a bit, I watched the sparks fly off the metal with each swing of his hammer slowly molding the sword into place.

I hadn't been as worried about my weakness before hanging out with the gang. Even then I had been content with my strength since I am five right now, and even in my previous life I hadn't been particularly strong, or I hadn't thought I was anyway, but after watching Fishlegs move around a stack of heavy books, and even seeing the twins hitting each other with maces, I was a bit concerned.

Sure, Hiccup was weak when you first see him in the movie, but he could still move about a bunch of weapons without too much struggle, and, to be honest, I would like to be able to do that without any struggle by the time I'm as old as he was then.

Besides, I wanted to be able to work on the prototypes of various things already. I'm not necessarily tired of leatherwork… I just… I really wanted to make things. Like a teapot, or a kettle, or even just small trinkets from my old life, like the necklace I used to wear all the time.

I suppose I was also concerned about dying in this universe where Vikings fight other Vikings, and where dragons abound.

I mean, who's to say that Dagur won't kill me when we meet because I'm too slow?

I sighed and halted the movements of my hands, wondering if I should just wait another year before trying again, I mean, this is a child's body and I don't really want to cause it any more harm than necessary. Although…

I could try a few things.

* * *

Following behind Fishlegs, I avoided as many branches and roots as I could, stumbling less than I had done the past few weeks, happy enough to call that a small victory.

"Thanks… for taking me… to the meeting place… today," I wheezed, ( _more than_ ) slightly out of breath. "Especially since you… don't like… hanging out with the whole… group…"

"Oh no, it's no problem, Hiccup," Fishlegs laughed, moving through the vegetation easily.

Moving a branch out of my way as I continued forward, I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking. "Will you be joining us today?"

"Nope. I'm quite happy to head home to my books once you've safely arrived," he chuckled, his breath catching after a moment. His head whipped around as his wide gaze met mine. "N-Not that I think you w-wouldn't be able to get there on your own."

I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what I'd done to deserve such a reaction. "Hey, you wouldn't be wrong. I really am hopelessly lost out here," I offered, knowing I really would be lost if it weren't for the agreement everyone seemed to make, without my input mind you, to escort me from the village border to wherever we're meeting each afternoon.

"I-I don't think that's true," Fishlegs stuttered, his eyes darting around at the forest as if searching for some hidden danger.

This time I raised both my eyebrows at him. " **Really**?" I responded sarcastically. "So, it isn't because of my **hopeless directional abilities** that I require an escort almost every afternoon?"

"Well, Snotlout said-" he started only to stop.

"'Snotlout said'… what?"

"No, no it's nothing," Fishlegs laughed nervously.

"Fishlegs."

"Y-Yes, Hiccup?"

"I **can** tell the twins that you really want to go in the cave. With no torch," I threatened quietly.

I struggled to keep the smile off my face at his squeak of terror. No, I'm not bullying this little kid. No, really, I just really _really_ want to know.

"Snotlout said we need to protect you," he whispered. "There, I said it. Promise you won't-"

"I won't. Geez. Why did you feel you needed to hide that?" I asked, fully aware of how I portrayed myself to Snotlout… and that I am actually very weak as this morning really only confirmed that.

"Y-You aren't mad?" he squeaked.

"Why would I be mad?" I asked, scrunching my face in confusion.

I watched his face change from fear, to realisation, and then one to anger. "Those twins," he growled.

"What?" I bit out, finally exhasperated.

"They said you would do really **bad** things to anyone who-" he paused, seeming to search for a word. "Implied you were… weak…"

I rolled my eyes. "I **am** weak and, although it bothers me that I am, I don't care if you guys know that." I was curious what stories they had told Fishlegs about me though, especially since he had met me first…

"O-Oh, um…" he stuttered. "I-If you don't mind me asking…"

"Not at all. What is it?"

"Why haven't you done something about it? Being weak… I mean."

I rolled my eyes again with a half smile. "You make it sound like I chose to be weak and fragile."

"Well, it's just… Astrid is as small as you but she's able to lift an axe by herself."

I flinched at the mention of Astrid, still unsure what to feel about her. I mean, she probably wasn't one of the lovers from my past life but-

I stopped the thought in its tracks and sighed. "Well, maybe if I had someone **train** me, I could get a bit stronger…"

"Why don't you ask Astrid? I'm sure she could-"

"Nope," I responded cheerily. "Nope, nope, nope." I could not spend that much time in her presence without wondering, _hoping_ , for things I shouldn't hope for. Not happening.

Fishlegs seemed confused at my response but shrugged and continued walking. "Well then, why don't you just ask Snotlout? I mean, I would offer to teach you but I'm more for learning through books…"

I laughed at this and patted him on the back, glad to finally see the clearing with the twins and Snotlout already in it.

"Oh, and Hiccup?"

I turned around to face him on the edge of the copse of trees. "Yeah?"

"Don't ask the twins."

* * *

Less than an hour later, I did just that.

"You can't be serious," Snotlout groaned. "If you asked just me, I could understand but them? You're gonna get yourself killed."

"Relax," I laughed with a wave of my hands. "I'll be **fine**. I'm not going to do anything that'll kill me. Promise. I just want some ideas from… people who are closer to my body type."

"Yeeeeah, he'll be **fiiiiiine** ," Ruffnut agreed with a roll of her eyes. "Since he said no to beating the snot out of Tuffnut. Don't know why. We'll go with something else. Look, we'll even start off with something **easy**."

"Yeah, follow me," Tuffnut sniggered, waving his hand with a dramatic flair. "Watch the master, **be** the master," he intoned dramatically as he scaled up one of the trees near us, climbing higher and higher until he got to a branch he liked. I smiled, liking where this was going as I walked up to the tree. I used to love climbing trees in my old life.

As I started up the tree, I lost my grip. Five times. _I remember this being easier._

"Tragic. Can't even grasp something so simple," Tuffnut bellowed pitingly. "You need to be scaly like a bird, young one. Yes, scaly as your master is."

I rolled my eyes at him and took another look at the tree. _Oh, right that…_ I looked down at my arms and touched the bark of the tree, remembering I was still very small and my arms would not reach any of the branches from where I was, so I grabbed hold of some groves in the tree trunk and tried climbing up that way. I still slipped a few times but managed to at least make my way up to the branch immediately above me.

Finally climbing up to where Tuffnut was, I sat beside him and looked down, satisfied with the relative height, even with the mild rush of adrenaline as I pictured myself falling.

Tensing up, I looked over wide-eyed at Tuffnut and held tighter to the branch. "You… aren't gonna push me off now… are you?" I asked suspiciously, waiting to be pushed off. _And this is how I lose my leg before the first movie._

Tuffnut laughed uproariously. "Wh- No, that's ridiculous." He looked down at Ruffnut and waved as she came back with a yak and a boar. _I didn't even notice her leave_.

"Uh- helloooo! That's my yak!" I heard Snotlout yell, and watched him wave his hands in the air before throwing them to his sides with an angry stomp. _Ah, so he hasn't grown out of that habit_ , I thought as I recalled baby Snotlout's old tantrums.

I raised an eyebrow in question as I turned to Tuffnut… who was currently hanging upside down. "What are you doing?"

He scoffed at me, "Uh, hanging upside down. What does it **look** like I'm doing? Tch, amateur."

"Riiiiight, so… what are the **animals** for?"

"Ugh, **obviously** to try to knock us **out** of the tree, **duh**. Ugh, this amateur is even worse that I thought," Tuffnut mocked, with a wave of his arms. "Would you get down here already so we can start!"

"Right, of course. Why would I possibly think we would be doing anything even remotely safe?" I muttered with a roll of my eyes.

I still ended up dangling on the branch using only my legs to hold me in place. _Oh, look,_ _ **there's**_ _the vertigo._

"Ready?" Ruffnut called, her hands raised high in the air behind the two animals.

"Ready!" Tuffnut called, laughing maniacally. "Oh, do you see **that**? You are **so** in for a good first time."

"Why?" I asked, wondering if I should just start making my way out of the tree now or if I should wait a little first.

"Uuuuugh, how much of an **amateur** are **you**? You can't possibly tell me you don't even know who Bjorn Boar is?"

"Oh, Bjorn," I sighed watching Ruffnut bring her hands down like some racing game character, some sort of cue for the animals to start attacking the tree. I could even hear her cackling from where I was.

Feeling the first shockwave hit the tree, I simply swung back and forth slightly, my hands sometimes smacking into Tuffnut's arms as he too swung.

Three thumps into and I could hear the leaves rustling harder and I was a little concerned I would slip but it wasn't too bad. I was more at risk of getting nauseous than I was of being injured. I wasn't sure it was making me any stronger though climbing trees and maybe learning how to hop from tree to tree could, but swinging like this… Not really, except maybe my core muscles as I adjusted my legs and occasionally swung my arms up to adjust my knee's grip on the branch. "This isn't so bad…"

"Is that enough for the warm up?!" Ruffnut yelled as we swayed.

"YEAH! **Really** go at it now!" her twin yelled back enthusiastically.

"Wait- WHAT?" I squeaked, hands reaching up to the branch as the animals began charging the tree, hitting it with their full bodies, causing my legs to bounce along the branch. Tightening my pitiful stomach muscles I kept my hands glued to the bark and my legs now wrapped around the branch, as Tuffnut continued to dangle and bounce with his hands facing the ground.

"Isn't this **great**?!" he chuckled, waving his hands about as his was shaken from the branch, neatly landing back on it with his legs still curled, no fear that he'll fall. _No, remember that these two muttonheads live for pain, and you are the muttonhead that didn't just go along with it but_ _ **asked**_ _for it. Damnit._

It wasn't long after that thought where Bjorn Boar barged into the tree so hard that Tuffnut flew even further off and down the branch so that as he landed, _snap_ , it held him no longer, breaking as the twig it was further down. "Tuffnut!" I screeched, releasing my tight grip to try and grab onto him.

Only I needn't have worried as he somersaulted midair and landed on his feet, throwing his hands up in… victory? "Love that!" he called cheerfully, tilting his head back to grin up at me. "One more?" he asked, turning to Ruffnut.

I contemplated my chances of making it down the tree without flying off it whilst the animals were still attacking it and my chances of hanging on until the twins were satisfied.

"Nah, I think he can handle another **five** ," Ruffnut cackled maniacally.

_I'm going to die. That's it, I'm just going to fall and snap-_

**_SNAP!_ **

My heart plummeted at what I really hoped wasn't the sound of the branch breaking. _Oh, and would you look at that_ , I thought with my eyes latched on the splintering wood barely clinging to the trunk. "Fuck."

I quickly gazed about for a branch within in reach and, thankfully there was one, if I just swung forward a little further.

Taking a deep breath in, I held it and blew it through my teeth as I shifted my body weight, swinging back and-

**_SNAP!_ **

Air whooshed past me with twigs snapping and whipping across my face as I fell head first for the ground. I couldn't maneuver my bpdy as Tuffnut had so I threw up my hands in hopes of at least keeping my skull and spine intact, closing my eyes as I didn't want to add splintered, floppy, messed up arms to the trauma gallery in my mind. I had enough nightmare material as is.

Already envisioning the gory sight, I felt myself turn slightly in the air before landing on what felt light two solid branches cradling me.

"I told you this was a bad idea," Snotlout huffed, his thicker arms holding me up princess style. "You really could've died, muttonhead."

Shakily standing back on my feet, I smiled sheepishly up at him, my hand resting on his shoulder as the adrenaline ran its course. "I'm sorry… Thank you for catching me."

Snotlout scowled down at me, his young five-year-old face really leaving me with a sense of pitifulness.

"Come oooooon, Snotlout. He's **fiiiiine** ," Ruffnut scoffed, her hands on her hips.

His glare turned to her sharply. "And if he'd **died**?"

"But he didn't die, Snotman," Tuffnut chimed in, waving his hands about and shrugging. "Right? You aren't dead, Hiccup, are you?"

I rolled my eyes and let go of Snotlout's shoulder, no longer woozy from my fall. "No, Tuffnut, I'm not dead."

"Right, but **obviously** we had…" Tuffnut started, pausing with a look at Ruffnut.

"Miscalculated."

"Yes, miscalculated the level we had set for one as small as him. So, dear Sister, ideas?"

"I have just the one," Ruffnut sniggered as she gestured for Tuffnut to follow her back to the village. "Come by tomorrow! We'll have something **perfect** for you then!"

"So…" I hummed, scuffing my shoe as Snotlout turned his angry gaze back at me. "Got any safer ideas on how I can… you know… get stronger… maybe?"

Snotlout clenched his face and let out an exasperated sigh. "Stupid weak Hiccup and his stupid hurting himself and.." he grumbled to himself quietly.

"What's that, Snotman?" I teased.

"You're a muttonhead," he quipped. "But I **can** teach you… If you promise not to do that ever again."

"Done," I agreed quickly, a little gleefully at his concern.

"Okay well, it's just what my dad has me doing so I can be ready for the Thawfest games when I'm older," he admitted bashfully as he rubbed at his arm and looked down. "We'll need a few things though…"

* * *

After a quick detour, with me to the forge, and Snotlout back to his house so we could get a few things, we met back at mine as it was only mid-afternoon.

"These are just the weights I was using when dad first got me to do it, so they should be okay," Snotlout hummed as he tied the straps of what looked like metal grieves, and shinguards, and arm guards, but felt like he'd tied bricks to me.

"What are they even made of?" I huffed as I attempted to lift my arms and shake then about. It was manageable but not pleasant.

"I don't know. Dad said I didn't need to know anything, I just needed to know it worked."

 _So, Spitelout didn't know either_.

"And how does this… work, exactly?" I asked nervously, wondering if I would have to use my arms to block a slicing attack of some sort.

"Oh, it's easy, and really safe," he chuckled. "Yup. Did you bring the things from the forge?"

I held up a dagger and a short sword I had gotten from Gobber's forge, struggling to lift the sword but lift the dagger easily enough "What am I supposed to do with these?" I questioned him a little hesitantly.

"You lift them," he stated simply, using his hand to direct mine up into a curl. "Starting with the easy to lift one." He gestured to the dagger. "You do that twenty times, and then you do the heavier one," he said pointing to the short sword, "five times in between it. And once you've done that with each arm, you repeat five times."

I stared down at the weapons in my hands, considering them in a new light. _I'm essentially going to be lifting weights_ , I thought but then peered at my arms and legs, _with weights already attached to me_. "And what's the point of these?"

Snotlout shrugged. "You just wear them when you do whatever you already had planned and you get stronger."

I nodded slowly as I considered doing the laundry while wearing them and tried not to frown in discomfort. _Laundry will be a pain with these… but probably worth it… Maybe this is why Snotlout is strong for a five-year-old, even if it doesn't explain the others…_

"Oh, right, also… My dad said that you need to eat a **lot** to get strong too," he chimed.

"Thanks for this, Snotlout. This'll actually really help." I smiled, giving him a one armed hug.

He hugged me back with one arm, looking about nervously. "W-Well, it's not like I can protect you all the time a-and i-if you get stronger m-maybe we won't have to only be friends in s-secret and-"

I rubbed his arm comfortingly and smiled. "You're a good friend," I said warmly.

Snotlout blushed bright red, stuttering out a couple of excuses about his yak being on fire or something and left in a hurry after that.

* * *

_Now if only I'll survive today._

"Nearly there," Tuffnut sniggered with his hand gripping tighter around my arm as he pulled me along faster across the ground despite the multiple times I tripped and bumped into trees I couldn't _see_ , as for some reason I thought it would be fine to allow the twins to blindfold both Snotlout and myself.

"Ready?" I heard Ruffnut chuckle from not far away.

Blinking at the suddent brightness as the fabric was lifted, I was honestly impressed. "How did you guys even manage this?"

Snotlout let out a whistle as his blindfold was removed.

"Oh, well, we just talked to our uncle and he arranged it using our designs," Tuffnut said with a shrug.

"So, Hiccup, will this do?" Ruffnut asked smugly, surveying the set up with a nod of approval.

I grinned and put my thumbs up at them both, pretty excited. "Can I **test** it?" I squeaked, hopping in place slightly, disregarding Snotlout's concerned look.

Before us spread an obstacle circuit, which was _awesome_ , even if it did look a _little_ scary and squeaked a _tini_ bit much with each blow of wind.

"Shouldn't **I** go first? I mean, as the **strongest** here, I should go," Snotlout announced, his chest puffed out even as his eyes slid to me again.

I pouted and crossed my spindly arms against my chest childish. "But **Snotlouuut** , I wanna go **fiiiirst** ," I whined.

Wide-eyed gazes locked onto my faces, mouths hanging open.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What."

"Should we tell him?" Tuffnut murmured to his sister.

"Nah."

Snotlout pulled me to the side a few meters away from the twins, his hand on my shoulder as he looked in the direction of said Thorston's. "Don't do that. Ever. Again."

I glared at him and shrugged off his hand. "What? Don't argue with you?" I quipped with gritted teeth.

"Wh- No! Just don't…" he sighed his face bright red, looking at me and back to the twins who were giggling and punching each other. "Don't talk… like that."

My mouth popped open in an 'o' as I nodded mutely. _Ohhhh, I_ _ **embarrassed**_ _him…_

As we walked back over to where the course started and the twins were now wrestling, I considered how weird the expectations and growth of kids are here, and I realised how Stoic treated me was very different from how the rest of the children are… _I always thought it was because he felt distant since he's always doing Chief work but… maybe kids are expected to grow up faster here…_

"So, which of you is going first?" Tuffnut huffed from his place on the ground.

"Well, I-" Snotlout started, his chest puffed out until I tugged on his shirtsleeve and gave him a big doe-eyed look. "Hiccup… is," he muttered grudgingly.

Throwing my hands in the air I let out a squeak of happiness. I actually just said 'yay' but had 'little spaced' at the idea of being able to go first and well… squeaking may or may not have occurred.

"Okaaaay," Ruffnut crowed with a clap of her hands, rubbing them together mischeivously. "So, want us to count you down?"

I nodded vigorously, with a wide grin on my face as I skipped over to the first obstacle. Wheels, that appeared to be taken from carts, had the center holes cut wider so as to allow for foot placement, typical of obstacle courses in my previous life, though we had tyres then.

"You know, originally we wanted to have the whole course on fire…" Tuffnut muttered sadly. "Our uncle said it wouldn't have lasted the afternoon if we did that, though…"

_And, probably, would have killed someone…_

"Ready?" Ruffnut asked, Snotlout hovering at her side trying to look tough and unconcerned. "Three!"

I stood ready in front of the first wheel and breathed out.

"Two!"

I dropped my shoulders a little as I leaned forward and slid my foot back, pretending it was a race, feeling disappoint that the course wasn't big enough for two people to go at once.

"Go!" Ruffnut called and slapped my shoulder startling me into bolting forward. _What happened to the one?!_

Hopping from one wheel to the next, I stumbled halfway through but managed to regain my balance and made it to a set of hurdles, with some of them being solid wood and others just beams being held up suggesting I had to go over and under. Jumping over the first one using my forward momentum with a hand placed at the top, I felt the wood give slightly as I swung over it. Brushing the concern from mind, I continued under the beam and over the next one all the way until the end of the six hurdles.

Coming up to a rope net fixated to the ground in certain places I heard Tuffnut call out, "Crawl under it! Like a chicken!" Ignoring the second part of his statement, as per usual, I lifted the edge of the net and relised it didn't lift very far off the ground. _Low crawling it is then_ , I thought as I dropped to my belly and pulled myself forward mostly using my arms, still grinning even as rocks scraped against the front of my shirt and covered me in dirt.

Finally able to pull myself to a stand I stretched upwards, blinking at the structure before me. A rope was attached to a high wall of wood, at least as tall as two Stoics.

Not wanting to let my muscles cool, I simply ran to the wall and jump up to grab the highest point of the rope.

I regretted that decision as my hands didn't just grip to the rope and slid down it instead leaving me with minor friction burns.

Glaring at the rope, I positioned my hands to get a nice grip and placed my feet against the wall as I climbed/walked up it, struggling at the top to pull myself up without sliding back down. Once on the platform at the top, that the hinges or metal parts of gave a quiet groan in protest, I looked down over the other side and noticed some footholds and hands holds at random points like a rock-climbing wall.

Climbing down using the handholds, I slipped about a meter from the ground and landed on my butt with a cry of fear. I chuckled as I stood up and brushed myself off, feeling the endorphins rushing my system more from my short fall, and turned around to see…

A window.

This wooden structure was also tall but had a rectangle cut out of it just above my reach meaning I would have to jump to reach the ledge.

Bouncing on my toes for a moment, I bit my lip as I concentrated and ran up to the wall and jumped with my arms stretch high to find purchase on the ledge, before belligerently pulling myself through the awkward space, kicking the wall as I moved and ignoring the contined creaks and groans of the structure.

On the other side was a set of logs staged as steps that led up to what appeared to be monkey bars.

Huffing out a delighted sound, I ran up the steps, slipping on the one at the top but keeping my balance until I could launch myself at the monkey bars and swing across them happily. I was almost content to just hang on them for the rest of the afternoon, however, the next obstacle caught my eyes.

 _Ninja anime training!_ I cheered mentally, grining as I moved across the bars towards tall stilts that had been hammered into the ground.

At the last bar I dangled as I considered how I was supposed to transition from there, to the stilts as there was no platform to land on.

Figuring that this part was purposely extra dangerous, though I doubted I would really sustain anything other than a sprain if I fell, I swung myself back and forth on the bar. Timing it the best I could, I let go of the bar and pushed myself off each stilt my foot touched and jumped forward to the next with my forward momentum, hoping that if I missed I could just propel myself by pushing off the length of the wood.

Thankfully, I didn't miss, but when the stilts nearly ran out I nearly panicked with just a coil of rope dangling at the end. I caught it, receiving some rope burns as I did and used it to swing to a small wooden platform, wobbling as the structure wasn't as stable as I had hoped.

This time the structure that greeted me looked to be a small tunnel but had a swinging trapdoor on it.

Seeing that I was near the end of the course, I decided I could cope with a mild amount of claustrophobic tension and crawled through the door into the small, dark space, the sound of the door swinging echoing in the confined space along with my ragged breaths. Hearing the groaning of wood beneath me with each movement forward, I cringed and moved as quickly as crawling allowed.

Reaching a surface at the end of the tunnel, I gave it a push to reveal a thick branch half a meter in front of me with a balance beam nailed to it and another platform that led to where the others were waiting.

I gulped at the sight of it, trying to call my leftover anxiety from the tunnel and the growing anxiet of being up higher than I was used to.

As stable as I'd ever be, I launched myself out of the tunnel and grabbed the tree branch, cringing as I felt it dip and swing slightly.

"Oh Gods," I whispered to myself as I levered myself atop the branch and watched the beam in front of me.

Shaking my head, I top a step onto the beam with a hand against the trunk of the tree as support. The beam wasn't very long, and it was flat inside of cylindrical, which helped as I took a few more steps forward, refusing to look down.

Once my hand could no touch the tree trunk, I lowered it and brought it in front of me in case I needed to grab the beam beneath me if I slipped and fell.

Safely making it the the platform, I gave a sigh of relief at the same creak of wood I had heard from all the other platforms, glad to be on something more solid even if it wasn't particularly safer.

Grinning at the slide that would drop me at the feet of Snotlout and the twins, I breathed a sigh of relief and jumped forward to slip down the slide.

**_SNAP!_ **

Falling through the wooden structure I landed on my back with a pained grunt on the soft grass but hard ground.

 _I seem to remember this happening to me a lot during my childhood. I can count at_ _ **least**_ _three times I was playing on something, or jumping for something, and just slipped off or bounced off and landed on my back,_ I thought derisively. " _Glad to see that hasn't changed_."

"HICCUP!" Snotlout called from beside me as I heard the wood creak and groan, dispersing splinters and wood pieces from above to land on me, and reveal a patch of light as him and the twins lifted the structure.

I rolled out from under the enclosure to where their feet were and where there was light, then sat up and shook the wood out of my hair, feeling the would spin a little as I did. _Concussion?_

Feeling arms wrap around me, I flinched, my gaze snapping up to see the grins on the Thorston's face as they didn't try to hide their laughter.

"I've never seen a more beautiful sight!" Tuffnut laughed, bent in half.

Ruffnut was rolling on her back giggling, tears in her eyes. "You! You should have **SEEN YOUR FACE!** " she gasped, hitting the ground as she laughed.

"Sorry I worried you," I murmured as I, too, started to grin.

Snotlout's arms quickly whipped away from me as stood and recoiled from me, with one hand on his upper arm as he looked away. "Pfft, worried? I **wasn't** worried. Pfft, d-do I look worried?"

I couldn't hold in my amusement anymore as relief rushed through me and I started laughing as hard as Ruffnut, falling onto my back as I clutched my stomach. "Th-that was… **AWESOME!** " I giggled, snorting as I struggled to breathe through the cackling.

"Hahah- I-I was going to suggest, hah, running from angry yaks next but no," Tuffnut chortled, "you should totally do that again. No. **I should do that next**."

"Sure, once y-you, haha, fix it," I snorted, still rolling about even as I mentally started compiling a list of ways to fix the structures so they would be less damageable but still slightly unstable, since that was _fun_.

* * *

_Waking up to the buzzing of a phone, I groaned and rolled over to see a text from an unknown number. It read, "I'm outside." Checking the time, I noticed it was nine in the morning, and I wondered if my friend realised what fresh Hell they had awoken me to, and then considered ignoring them while I slept for another ten minutes._

_Groaning again, I pushed myself up off my mattress on the floor, ignoring the huntsman spider crawling up the wall beside my bedroom door, and continued down the hall to the front door._

_I grumbled as I opened the front door, expecting to see my tentative friend who didn't seem to respect my nocturnal needs._

_An oval face topped with red-brown hair and stubble greeted me instead, filling me with dread as muddy eyes met mine, no true colour registering. "You didn't think you could just leave, did you?" they intoned coldly with a sad expression on their face._

How did they find where I live? _I thought in a panic._

_Chilled by their proximity I nearly froze in place, barely finding the strength to slam the door in their face, my heart pounding hollowly in my chest._

_Turning around to race for my phone, I froze._

_Hollow eyes met mine, a frown adorning their lips as they looked at me in disappointment. "That wasn't nice…" they sighed, their warm, and wet breath coating my face._

_Flinching, I bolted out the sliding door to my left that led to my parents' side garden, blinking as I entered a warn down hallway with a door that's paint was flaking off it at the end. Running to the door, I threw it open to reveal the same eyes now filling with anger._

_"_ _After all I've done for you…" they growled, stepping closer to me._

_"_ _GO AWAY!" I screamed desperately, backing up until the undersides of my knees pressed into a squishy and wet surface behind glancing back, I noticed blood-soaked sheets covering a bed with splatter marks of orange-y red licking up the walls of the cramped room._

_"_ _The least you could do…" they murmured from in front of me, their tongue darting out to lip their chapped lips as their larger form hovered over me. "…is make it up to me."_

_They toppled me onto the bed, pinning my wrists under their hands as they forces their knee between my thighs, the wet, cloying smell of blood filling my nose as the liquid soaked the back of my shirt and coated my legs._

_Screaming, I struggled against their grip, thrashing about, trying to kick them, bite them, scratch them, anything and-_

I gasped and thrashed as hands turned to fabric tangled around my arms, breath quicking as warm liquid soaked my sleep clothes leaving me with a sense of horror.

Rolling out of bed with a thud, I landed on the wooden floor and untangled myself from my blanket as I looked to my bed, the bed of Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the third, five-year-old, not of Ryan Cassata the… however old now, which was wet but not from blood.

Sighing, I dropped my head until my chin leaned against chest as I breathed, needing the moment to deal with the mortification and the rest to reorientate myself with reality.

Shaking my head, I bit my lip and forwned, removing my clothes as I stood and moved over to a bucket filled with water and a cloth. It was normally there so I could wipe sweat off my body after a nightmare.

I changed my sheets and changed into dry clothes when I was done, not bothering to light a candle.

Slipping down stairs when that was done, I went to the fireplace that Stoic always left with enough wood to burn through until morning, and made myself a cup of tea.

Sipping at the warm drink, I stared into the flickering flames and clenched my teeth.

It had been ten _years_ since I had even seen _that person_ and at least _nine_ since I had last spoken to them, I shouldn't even remember them let alone having _nightmares_ about them.

I slammed my cup against the table I was seated on, not even caring as it clattered against the table and slipped onto of my hand, spilling the remaining tea, and falling to the fall with a sharp _clack_.

 _A decade past and I'm_ _ **still**_ _letting it affect me_ , I thought with a snarl, slamming my hand against the table in frustration before putting my hands over my eyes, _almost_ surprised as the wet trails leading from them to soak into my shirt sleeves.

"Hiccup?" Stoic's voice whispered softly, causing my head to snap up as my gaze landed on him, startled.

_Great._ _**Just** _ _great._

"Hey…" he murmured, coming over to me and placing his big hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Just a nightmare," I mumbled, still mad at myself, at _that person_ , and the whole fucked up situation that had been.

"Oh," he said, nodding gravely before smiling softly. "You know, you have nothing to be afraid of," he offered, his thumb rubbing against my collarbone.

"Oh?" I asked hollowly as I turned my gaze back to the table, already waiting for this conversation to be over.

"Yeah, because I'm here to keep you safe," he told me, as I felt his eyes on me and I tensed, annoyed by his words. Not because I didn't believe he would, but… because he _couldn't_. My own parents couldn't and we lived in a less dangerous time, what make _him_ think _he_ could do any better when _he's_ away all the time because of his Chieftain duties. "I promise."

I brushed his hand off and glared at the ground as I hopped off the table. "There are some things parents can't protect their children from," I whispered as I left for my room, not looking back.


	8. Chapter 8. How to Lose It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks, C-PTSD stuff, dissociation, Anger, Angry old man, Feels, and like LOTS OF SWEARING. Avoidant behaviours. Really sleepy, talks to Gothi. Gets advice from Ruff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Dear other Guest. Seriously, Fight me. *shakes head*
> 
> Dear Argent569, I know where you live, and I will fight you. o.o (I love you, swear it)
> 
> Also! Thanks to VeryHappyBunny101 (I love your account name, and yes Snotlout needs all the hugs), Mary D. Black2000 (Glad you think so ;) ), Dattebasa1 (You actually read the AN *o*), Zimmer12 (Sorry update took so long), and DarkDust27 (as usual xP), for your reviews
> 
> AHEM! I am sooooo sorry it took me so long to update T.T SO SORRY... I just lost a lot of motivation and had a shitty experience with my psych and unlocked more of my unwanted tragic backstory and just... sorry p.q
> 
> I may have also wasted some time marathoning the entire Steven Universe (all the seasons)... cause I'm a horrible procrastinator.
> 
> Ahem... uhh... Anyway, some warnings for this chapter ... Flashbacks, C-PTSD stuff, dissociation, Anger, Angry old man, Feels, and like LOTS OF SWEARING (I may be projecting o/o)...
> 
> Next chapter will be a little easier (I think... I know the chapter AFTER next is super awesome and warm PROMISE it gets better for a bit)
> 
> New stuff… he turns 6 next chapter~ Yay! That's where a lot of plot stuff starts happening (for those who have seen the tv show, you know why)
> 
> As usual, Enjoy~ Or not~

" _words_ " - English

"words" - Icelandic

_words_ \- thoughts

* * *

Things have been particularly tense in the Haddock household for the past few months, and by tense, I mean I've been avoiding Dad. This task isn't too hard to accomplish since Stoic the Vast is out doing his chiefly duties most of the day, and dinner is spent with Fishlegs and his family.

It started with Stoic cornering me at home every day, trying to get me to talk about my "problems", and then he gets mad when I don't tell him and… It's annoying, so I started having dinner with him at the Great Hall every night until he started pestering me about it there; sounding convinced I was being bullied.

I mean it isn't like I can just _tell_ him I'm tired all the time, and emotional, and irritable, all because of my past life and being messed up because I _died_. How do you even start a conversation like that? _You don't_. So I'm avoiding him until he either forgets _or_ gets the blatant message that I don't want to talk about it.

Not that the past few months have been entirely awful, like, sure, my sleep is pretty awful most nights thanks to the nightmares and stress, _but_ I've been making progress with my physical training.

I've been wearing the weights at home while doing laundry and while climbing trees, and throughout most of my days just to help build muscle a little faster, so now I'm able to lift one of the hammers at the forge, a medium one. Barely. But! It is progress.

The main difference I've noticed is that I'm getting faster, and that it's easier to traverse the forest without falling over all the time anymore. Which is probably due to the obstacle course practice.

Speaking of the obstacle course, the Twins and I revamped it a few times, since it keeps falling apart, and I'm working on a few designs to put together once Gobber lets me work with metal. Though that doesn't look like it will be any time soon.

I've also spent a decent amount of time with Fishlegs over the past few months, aside from having dinner with his family.

We mainly talk about dragons and invention ideas, which is fun until I bring up modern day technology, and for a while he's been teaching me how to read Gothi's sign language. I became proficient enough in it to be able to understand her last week when I went to discuss a different type of tea to help me sleep, which was scary but she said… wrote that ask why I'm struggling to sleep…

It was a nice change from Stoic's demands that I tell him.

Also, just last week that Fishlegs and I sat down and talked with Gothi about basic first aid, since Fishlegs said he was interested in learning about the medicinal uses of plants. We went along twice, though the second time Ruffnut joined us because she was bored.

It was a little weird seeing her without Tuffnut in tow but apparently he was made to stay in bed from being "Hit Too Hard" to which Ruffnut scoffed and rolled her eyes as she stated this.

Gothi, at the end of our talk that day, had invited the three of us to join in on the weeklong medical training session with the teenagers of village, though we were only allowed to watch the practices.

Ruffnut had been hesitant about accepting as she had eyed the excitement flowing off of Fishlegs and me as we started nerding out over what might be discussed. She said she didn't want us to "infect" her with our nerdiness.

She accepted the invitation in the end though, preferring to face possible "infection" rather than deal with Tuffnut being Gruffnut's loyal follower.

_Bang!_

I sat up with a start, blinking my eyes opened with a snap as I realised a mace was wobbling beside me.

Reaching for the handle shakily, I tried to shake the dazed sensation from my head, unaware I had been drifting in and out of consciousness. Sliding the mace across the table, I started working on the leather bindings and growlings as my hands slipped.

_Am I really that tired_? I thought, trying to deny the yawn swelling in my chest.

"So…" Gobber hummed, quickening my heart rate as my eyes snapped to him as I was startled. "Is there somethin' ye wanna talk about?"

I blinked at his form leaning against the bench beside me, feeling his body heat flow over my thin shirt, and wondered how long he had been there. "What…?"

"Oh no… It's jus'," he hedged, tapping his gripping attachment against the palm of his hand. "Ye… aren't bein' bullied or anythin'… are ye?"

I looked up at him with one eyebrow raised, my eyelids at half-mast and my mouth agape. "What on Ea- Odin's eight-legged horse are you **talking** about?"

"Well… with the way 'em Jorgensons' are-"

"I'm not being bullied by Snotlout," I sighed with a roll of my eyes. _I had told Gobber he acted that way in public because of his dad… hand't I?_

"If ye say so…" he hummed, fiddling with his metal attachment.

I let go of the leather strip and turned to face him fully. "What do you really want to talk about, Gobber?" I asked, looking at him seriously.

Gobber sighed, and met my gaze. "I'm just… tryin' to say that ye can talk to me, or ye're father about whatever it is that's botherin' ye. And no, don't give me that, 'It's jus' a nightmare,' crap," he growled as I opened my mouth. "We are **here** for ye. Both o' us, even if I'm no' very helpful, I am here."

I broke the gaze first, biting my lip as I instead stared at my hands. "I…" I started, huffed, and bit my lip harder as I thought. "I would… talk to you… the both of you… if it was anything, **anything** else. **Really**. But not… Not **this**. I-I **can't** , Gobber." I clenched my hands into fists, releasing my lip from its torment as my breath came out a little quicker, and my chest feeling a little tighter, as I turned my eyes up to his blank ones. "I'm- …I'm sorry," I breathed waiting to see anger or reproach fill his eyes.

His mouth curved up slightly as he reached forward to pat my shoulder. "Ye can tell us," he murmured and I flinched, anger welling up inside. "Maybe no' now, but someday."

I glared down at my lap, hands clenched into fists as I stared at the small welts and blisters edging across them. _You don't know that_ , I thought with a sigh as he moved away. _I may never tell you… And even if I did-_

"We'll still care about ye no matter what, Hiccup," Gobber hummed as he moved back the forge.

_But I'm not Hiccup…_

* * *

Breathing in deep lungfuls of air, I was glad for all the training I was doing, remembering how it was only a few months before that walking up any sort of hill would wind me, and how I would get lost any time I left the main center of the village…

Climbing one of the trees that overlooked one of the agricultural farms of the village, I made myself comfortable on one of the branches, hoping to see a farmer going through their daily routine. As I relaxed onto the branch, I hooked my legs in place and rubbed my aching hands, noting each blister that had made refuge on my palms, reminding me of my primary school years. I used to climb any vertical surface I could find and would spend most lunch times on the monkey bars, pulling myself on top of them or practicing tricks.

Gazing out across the field, I wondered if I should move to one of the bushes on the edge of the pasture in order to have a closer look… and not be spotted so easily. Not that I had any particular need to hide, I just preferred it that way. It was less anxiety provoking if I could observe without being spoken to… and I was a little wary of most of the adults on the island.

Shimmying my way down the tree I almost froze as the sound of a twig snapping came from behind me, only to shake my head at the wave of paranoia that rushed me. _Twigs snap all the time…_

A hand tapped my shoulder as I reached the base of the tree and I leapt forward, smacking my head against the trunk.

"What a muttonhead," Tuffnut snorted to my left as I turned around, rubbing my hand lightly at the abraision now marring the center of my forehead.

Greeting my still panic-widened eyes were the usual three misfits that I thought I had left behind today. Snotlout rubbed his arm sheepishly and backed up a little so I could see the twins behind him. "Did… you follow me?"

Snotlout scuffed his shoe. "Well…"

"Fishlegs said you weren't coming today, so **I** thought you were going to do something cool and Loki-ish," Tuffnut sneered, his shoulders hunching forward as he grinned at me.

"So yeeeeah, we followed you," Ruffnut said with a smirk, before her eyes lit upand her mouth turned up in a cheeky grin. "Though **he's** here," she added with a gesture towards Snotlout, "'Cause he was **wooorried** about **you**."

"Wha- Hey!" Snotlout cried, folding his arms across his chest. "Was not," he mumbled.

"Ohhhh **suuure** you weren't," Ruffnut crowed. She cleard her throat and clapsed her hands together in front of her chest, raising her voice as she did. "'What if Hiccup's lost, or **huuuurt**? He could be in **daaanger** ,'" she giggled with her brother.

Snotlout turned bright red and just pouted.

I merely watched on and rubbed the back of my head.

"Right," Tuffnut huffed. "Why **are** you here?"

I leaned back against the tree and tilted my head in the direction of the farm. "Was planning to watch how farming is done from one of the bushes."

"I like it!" he cheered, one arm in the air.

"So, what's it gonna be? Leap out with a big yell, **or** throwing stones without being seen?" Ruffnut asked with an edge of excitement.

"Umm," I hedged, looking back at their wide, cute, evil grins. "We'll see?"

"Ooooh, **surprises**. I **love** those," Tuffnut cackled.

* * *

We waited in the bushes near the farm for the better part of an hour before we even saw anyone tend to the field. I almost thought it was abandoned, until the twins started snickering with their small piles of pebbles sitting beside them.

Watching a thin figure come into view, I shuddered, something primal within me going still.

"Mildew," I whispered in disgust. When all of this was a show to me, I had really hated him. He was an awful character who never changed and was always a really creepy old man. Nothing had really changed since this became my reality, only now I had an extra layer of visceral, primal discomfort whenever I saw him on the island.

" **Now** ," Tuffnut whispered loudly, sniggering as he then began to lob his pebbles at Mildew along with his sister.

_Weren't they going to wait for me to give an order or something?_

"You rotten children!" Mildew screeched as he ran towards us, waving his staff in the air.

The twins bolted out from the bushes, arms still filled with small stones, cackling as they dodged around Mildew's frantic swinging of his staff. I considered staying where I was, but then Mildew got too close to our hiding spot and made my decision for me.

Snotlout had already hopped up and ran onto the field by the time I had one foot under me. I really had thought I was getting closer to the others in physical abilities but I guess not.

By the time I had stood up and leaned forward to get away, Mildew had spotted me in between pebbles.

I only got a few stops before Mildew lifted me into the air by the back of my shirt.

" **Put. Me. Down** ," I growled as he turned me to face him.

" **You're** Stoic's kid," he spat. " **Ooooh** , I'm going to talk to your father about this, you rotten **kid**."

His few teeth wobbled as he spoke, his face scrunching up more than it already was, his fetid breath coating my face as I began to struggle, growling and snarling, demanding to be let go. I threw my arms up to his, clawing at the exposed flesh of his hand as andrenaline consumed me with the need to _run_ , to _get the Hell away_.

_Arms lifted me into the air and away from the crowd, from my friends and the light and joy of the event._

_My heartrate stayed slowed as I thought my girlfriend was playing around…until I looked down and saw large, rough arms leading to a large rough man with a haggard face, and hatred in his eyes as he threw me over his shoulder and ran._

_I clawed whatever I could around me; arms, back, shoulders. I needed to-_

He screeched and shook me violently as my short nails found purchase and tore open his skin.

"LET GO OF HIM!" Snotlout roared, his voice squeaking with the strain.

" **YEAH**!" the twins echoed, lobbing their stones at Mildew's head, then ripping up cabbages and throwing those when they ran out, as Snotlout tackled the old man to the ground, flinging me to the ground with them.

As the impact of my body on the hard-packed dirt rocked through me, I rolled over and sunk my teeth into the offending limb still gripping my shirt until I felt the hold loosen. I ripped away from the weakening hold and bolted off into the woods. Running and running as the andrelaine and something deeper rushed through me, urging me forward, leaving the shouts of my friends behind.

_I bit down on the flesh before my face, satisfied as blood filled my mouth until the man threw me to the ground. My hands and knees grazed the concrete alleyway, a steel-toed boot following my descent to kick me in the gut, breaking something inside. "_ _**YOU dare to bite me, YOU DISGUSTING-** _ _"_

I slipped and fell on the forest floor, gasping and out of breath. Curling into a ball, I grabbed a handfull of dirt, leaves and sticks, biting my lip to keep myself in the present, away from the nightmare. My breaths cut in and out of my lungs in sharp gasps in between growls and snarls of anger.

"H-Hiccup?"

I ignored Snotlout, dropping my fistful of forest to press my hands to my eyes, focusing on my breathing, trying to ease the tight ball of anger in my chest.

Warmth touched my shoulder and I flinched, breath hitching as my heart stuttered.

"Hiccup…? Wh-What's-"

"Nothing. It's nothing," I quipped with a shake of my head, hands turned to cover my face that was now wet with tears.

He placed his hand on my shoulder, and I couldn't tell if his hand was shaking or if I was shaking or if the ground was shaking and I just-

I shook my head again, attempting to sit up as I shrugged off Snotlout's hand, not wanting to be touched. Forcing the memories back, I tried to keep the world from spinning, my hands levering me against the earth as I forced myself still. It nauseated me but I was sitting up, leaves and dirt falling from my hair as I did.

"Hiccup-"

" ** _FUUUUUUCK_** _!_ " I screamed, punching the tree near me. " _FUCK!_ _ **FUCK**_ _! FUUUUUUCK!"_ I hit the tree again; a gentle rustling of leaves sounding above me. " _I'm so fucking sick of this shit._ " I stood up, glaring at the ever-present clouds and glared, shaking one of my fists. " _Is THIS what you wanted?! I've been_ _ **trying SO HARD**_ _this entire time! Couldn't you_ _ **AT LEAST**_ _make it EASIER for me by-"_ I screamed unintelligibly, punching the tree again, and stomping my feet.

I fell back hard onto my back, teeth gritted and glaring at the clouds as my gaze blurred, more tears rolling down my face. " _Couldn't you have… at least, let me… not be sick_ _ **here**_ _?"_

"Whoooooa, what language is **that**?" Tuffnut laughed as he looked down at me, my face scrunching up into a scowl as he did. "Hiccup, do **you** have a twin?"

"Wouldn't we know?" Ruffnut pondered from behind him as he turned to look at her outside of my vision.

"What other explanation would there be?" he huffed.

" _Shut. Up,_ " I hissed in agitation.

"Well-"

"STOP!" Snotlout yelled, coming over to me. I glared at him too, sick and tired of… _everything_. "Hiccup… W-We uhh," he paused, taking a deep breath as he rubbed his arm. "We can make Mildew not tell your dad… if-if you're worried. I mean- we weren't **really** in the wrong…"

" _You're wrong_ ," I whispered.

"Yeah, you can blame us. We started it," Ruffnut said, coming to sit near my feet.

"Uh, by we, I think you mean **you** ," Tuffnut smirked.

"Oh, suuuuure, it was all me, not like you weren't-"

" _SHUT UP!_ " I yelled, sitting up and glaring at them all. " _YOU AREN'T EVEN REAL!_ " I pulled my knees into my chest, thunder rumbling from the south. " _You… aren't even… real…_ " I sighed, placing my forhead to my knees.

"Look, Hiccup-" Snotlout started.

" _No_ , Snotlout."

" **Hiccup**!" Snotlout growled, hands grabbing my shoulders harshly. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!" he yelled, my body shuddering from the noise. I peered up at him through my bangs tiredly. His mouth was formed into a tight line, his eyes glossy with unshed tears, his eyebrows bunched together and low over his eyes.

"Leave me alone," I whispered, turning my gaze back to my knees. _I'm a horrible person. Hurting these kids. Who cares if they're real or not? Who cares if_ _ **you're**_ _real or not? You're just as much a burden in this world as you were in the last… Why do you even bother anymore? You should just leave them alone and let them live their lives. You should just_ -

"No."

I gazed blankly up at Snotlout, his eyes no longer gloosy but holding a hard glint. "It's better if you do."

"No, you muttonhead," Snotlout growled, punching my shoulder.

"Yeah, muttonhead," Tuffnut joined in, also punching my shoulder.

"I'm not going. You're **my friend** ," Snotlout growled, folding his arms over his chest. "And not even **my dad** could make me stop. Understand?"

I sighed, rubbing the sore spot on my shoulder, feeling the aches and stinging sensations in my knuckles from hitting the tree. "You don't."

"AARGHHHH! THEN TELL ME!"

"You can't understand," I sighed, headache forming behind my eyes. _That's what I get for not self-caring, I guess._

Small hands fisted in the yak fur vest enveloping my shoudlers, pulling me up and forward awkwardly over my knees to face Ruffnut, who was glaring at me.

" **You** don't get to decide that," she snapped, blue eyes thin glinting strips of anger. "Only we get to decide if we're muttonheads."

"But-" I blustered.

" **Try. Me** ," Snotlout huffed.

I pulled myself out of Ruffnut's grip and stood above their places on the forest floor. "I **CAN'T**!" I stomped my foot. "All- ALL of the words that I could use, **BEFORE** , I can't use NOW!" I gripped the two edges of the vest over my chest, gritting my teeth harder. "Words like _c-ptsd_ , and _mental_ illness mean NOTHING here!" I stomped my foot again and shook my head angrily. "You know what happened? I had a _flashback_ with a little **fun** _panic attack_ at the end of it and you know what? No one **here** can help me with that because I'm **sick** in a way that no one understands and just-" I stopped, glaring down at my feet as my insides squirmed, my heart hurt, and everything _ached_.

"Y- you're sick?" Snotlout whimpered. "Are you going to- No, no, can I help?"

I shrugged. "It's a head sickness, lots of bad dreams, no… _motivation?_ No strength to do… stuff. And lots of… bad… stuff."

"Ohhhhhh, you're just sick in the head," Tuffnut sighed with a roll of his eyes. "You could've just **said**."

Ruffnut rolled her eyes and leaned back on her elbows. "Yeeeeeah, us Thorstons have that. Like, almost all of us. The simplest term for it is 'crazy' but us Thorston's call it, uhhh… Tuffnut?"

"Mind armour, dear sister," he offered.

"Why thank you, dear brother. Yes, 'mind armour' is what we call it."

I pinched the bridge of nose, headache worsening with their words. _What on Earth are they talking about?_

"What are you muttonheads talking about?" Snotlout groaned with a roll of his eyes.

I looked over at him with a small smile.

"Well, our mother told us that, in some cases, when the mind goes through something **really** bad-"

"Like **really really** bad," Tuffnut smirked spreading his hands wide as if measuring badness.

"Not always that bad, but that too, then the mind will take that badness and make armour to protect from that," Ruffnut announced, smirking from her place on the ground.

"The armour won't **always** be that great though," Tuffnut sighed, hand on chin.

"Though that is probably due to human error," Ruffnut chimed in with a point to her brother.

Tuffnut pointed back. "I think you're right, dear sister."

Snotlout cleared his throat and stood with a glance over at me as he dusted of his pants.

"Did you get any of that?" he whispered as Tuffnut launched himself at Ruffnut and started wrestling.

I rubbed my hands over my face, leaving them covering the bottom half of my face as I watched the twins beat each other up.

"Hiccup?"

I glanced over at Snotlout shakily. "What do they're parents do?"

Snotlout looked confused. "I dunno, uhh- stop them from fighting, I guess-"

"No, I mean," I breathed, eyes clearing, "in the village?"

Snotlout placed his hand on his chin and tilted his head side to side. "Uhh, normal Viking stuff? They're on the council with Dad, and they do stuff with the animals and farming… Ahhh, and they do a lot with they're entire family. Like dinner once a week with all of them, uhhh…"

"You guys should come sometime!" Tuffnut laughed from the ground as Ruffnut stood and grinned down at him.

"I mean… sure… but do any of… the Thorstons do work with… uhh, mind armour? I'm being serious…" _Though if any of them are something like a psychologist… they might think I'm just making up my past life…_

Ruffnut shrugged. "Mayyyyybe?"

"I dunno… I mean- it is… pretty- individual," Tuffnut wheezed from the groaned.

"Yeah, like one of our Aunts takes some stuff that Gothi gave her, but for the most part?" Ruffnut shrugged. "We **like** how our mind armour is. We just," she shrugged again, "work with it you know?"

"And for non-Thorstons?" I asked with a sigh.

"Oh that's easy," Ruffnut laughed as she came over to me, eyes glinting mischeivously. "Become a Thorston."

"Be **serious** , Ruff," Snotlout sighed, putting his hand on my shoulder. "I think she means… uhm…" He puffed up his cheeks as he thought. "That we're family? Like family?" He rubbed his arm nervously and scuffed his shoe. "And uh… talk to us? Like… it may not always help but uhhh, w- we're here?"

"Why are you mature?" I grumbled, fake glaring. _I'm supposed to be the one who knows everything here, damnit._

"Yeeeeah, Snot, since when do **you** know things?" Ruffnut laughed from the ground.

"Hey!" he snapped, face bright red.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Thank you…" I felt guilty for my meltdown, but I felt… maybe… I could trust these three? Maybe… Just a little… "Sorry…"

Snotlout hugged me back. "Muttonhead," he sighed.

Ruffnut's arms came around us. "Isn't this nice?"

Tuffnut's joined soon after. "Group hug!"

"Ew, no," Ruffnut huffed and shoved her brother. "You ruined it."

"No, **you** ruined it with your **girl** germs," Tuffnut bantered back, tackling his sister to the ground again.

A laugh was startled out of me as Snotlout and I were knocked over as well, disloging a tiny part of the ache in my chest.

* * *

Climbing up the rope ladder I hung from my bedpost and out my window, I made my way up and into my room. It was easier to avoid the awkward conversation with Stoic this way.

I had finished eating dinner with fishlegs and his family not long ago, with his dad offering to teach me farming stuff when I asked him too many questions about what he does…

Loud voices echoed from up the stairs when I stepped down into my room and I flinched, instinct telling me to move without making a sound.

I felt… a little guilty after talking with Snotlout and the twins…

It's not Stoic's fault that I'm… hurting. He's been trying to be helpful, even if it would be easier if he weren't trying. I just… feel like I **can't** tell him about… my past life. It's scary. I don't think he'd kill me, or hurt me, but… I don't think I'd believed either… not at this point… and if I was believed? …I don't know if it would be safe… _What if… What if I was banished from the tribe?_

A loud bang shook the house, and silence fell downstairs.

Creaping over to the staircase to moved quietly to my front and tried to listen for any words.

"Stoic," I heard Gobber sigh.

"No, Gobber, you **don't** understand. He's **avoiding me** ,"Stoic growled, followed by another loud bang. I think he was hitting the table.

"No, I **do**! Look, I talked to 'im today-"

"Did he tell you anything? Is he really being harrassed by-"

"No, no, no. He **insisted** that wasn't it… but I told 'im 'e could talk to us, to you. I just don' think 'e's ready to just yet…"

"It's been **months** , Gobber! MONTHS! If he isn't ready to talk yet then when?" My chest pinched with guilt. _See, it would've been better if you'd just died when you had and then-_

"I don't **know**!" Gobber yelled. "I don't know…"

"I just wish I knew **what** is **wrong** with him…" Stoic sighed, the sound of fabric shifting. "He just says it's nightmares but… Are nightmares really that bad? The bags under his eyes are getting worse each month and I-" Stoic paused, his voice going really quiet. "What if… I lose him?"

I moved away from the door, chilled as I heard a quiet sob from Stoic.

I moved to curl up under my blanket, too cold inside. _I- I can't tell him._ A small tear slipped from my swollen eyes, even as I thought I was out of them. _You've already lost him… I'm… I'm not…_

" _I'm so sorry… So… so… sorry…_ "


	9. Chapter 9. How to Be Annoyed (With Yourself)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so Ruff gives advice. (again?) And OC!Hiccup meets Dagur :D wooh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First of all, Uni sucks. More specifically Statistics… and more specifically on top of that, being mentally ill while at uni… T.T I studied all week to catch up on missing four weeks of stats…
> 
> AND THEN A CYCLONE HIT AND UNI WAS CANCELLED
> 
> Ahem. So that's this time's excuse for not having regular updates…
> 
> Life, am I right? ;)
> 
> Honestly, really really sorry though T.T I felt guilty not updating sooner…
> 
> Anyway! He ages up this chapter! Yay! :D That much closer to things that actually affect the timeline (someone asked how I plan to have changes from the tv series and movies and well… it's complicated, which is good… but is… complicated. I've thought most of it out though o.o it's just a matter of getting there… I mayyyyy have to skip a few years at some point)
> 
> Also, bonus~ another character finally gets introduced in this one! Yay~ Sadly, this chapter is still mostly angst and super awkward Hiccup and Stoic moments… Who doesn't love those? (Unsure if I'm being sarcastic or not…)
> 
> And probably spoilers for the TV series in this chapter and every one after this…
> 
> As usual, Enjoy~ Or not~

" _words_ " - English

"words" - Icelandic

_words_ – thoughts

_'words'_ – written words

* * *

A cold breeze flowed through the forge, cooling my already chilled hands that struggled to move the leather-working needle. Gobber, and his thick stature, blocked most of the heat of the searing coals from reaching the rest of the workshop as he tirelessly formed and reworked weapons that were damaged or destroyed in the latest dragon raid. I was envious that I was still not permitted to do such heated work.

Devastating winter had past, though the frost remained behind, choosing to stick around a few months longer than usual.

I had made it through the blistering weather once again to now reach age six, though the time trapped indoors hadn't improved the hair-splitting relationship with my caretakers. In fact, as time continued to pass, Stoic and I only became more and more uncomrfotable with each other, him from an inability to understand what could be wrong with me, and me from an inability to share the truth.

To be honest, even the smallest misdirections and lies weigh me down, and now the tense silences between seem to be just as sharply edged. I think that's why Stoic began minimising the time we spent alone with each other, too much discomfort to handle alone. As such, anytime we do need to talk, usually him coming to me, it's done at the forge with a counter between us, and Gobber within listening range.

Now was such a time, Stoic bantering with Gobber to delay speaking to me about what he feels I need to know.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad he still makes the effort to include me in his life and the village duties, I just… can't help feeling bitter and… guilty.

"Hiccup?" Stoic called, with a short cough into his fist, his cheeks reddening from cold or awkwardness I wasn't sure.

"Y-yeah…? Dad?" I stuttered, blowing on my hands as I finished to bring some warmth into them, and to hide my face the smallest bit.

"Ahem, yes, well," he started, leaning against the workshop counter as he gazed out at the village, face turned away from mine. "I'll be signing the annual peace treaty today."

"O-oh?" I said with a crooked smile, shiftily glancing up at Stoic and back down at the leather sadle I was working on. "Th-That's good. Hope it goes w-well?" I flinched at the pitiful response I made. _Well, looks like my social skills are no better in this life than they were in the last…_

Stoic cleared his throat and turned his head towards me, tilting it to peer at my work. "Right. Well, I figured since the Berserker Chief will be bringing his son this time that-" He cleared his throat and placed his hand on my shoulder. "I thought that you should show his around?"

I flinched under his touch, eyes snapping to his pale green ones as I processed the words slowly, repeating them a few times to properly catch the meaning. "Oh…"

"As practice for when you're both future Chiefs… a-and to, uh, strengthen the bond between our tribes," he continued, his eyes searching mine.

I bobbed my head up and down slowly, eyes slipping to look over his shoulder as I tried to respond in a natural way. "O-Of course. S-sounds great." I gave him another crooked smile, my eyes darting to his and away.

"R-right. Well. I will see you down at the docks then, at three."

"Right. Uhh, see you then?" I nodded and looked back at the sadle and continued working on it.

Stoic straightened from the counter, lightly tapping my shoulder with his fist as he bared his teeth at me. "Yes, see you- then. Don't embarrass your Chief now," he added with a hollow chuckle.

I bared my teeth back at him, eyes slitted as I watched him leave, relaxing once he was out of sight with a heavy sigh.

"You two jus' ge' worse an' worse each day," Gobber chimed as he used a rag to wipe sweat from his brow. "It's almost unbearable t' watch, ye know?"

"I know," I sighed, glancing up at him.

He raised half of his unibrow at me, the stone tooth reflecting my distorted image. I frowned at it.

"And **I know** that **you think** I could make it better with a few ' **magical** ' words," I huffed with a roll of my eyes, using my fingers to make air quotations.

"Aw, ye know tha's no' wha' I think, kiddo… at least no' at this point." Gobber chuckled, picking up the sadle and examining it. "No, at this point, I think ye'll need an intervention from the Gods."

"Ha. Ha," I responded drily, rolling my eyes again, hand held out for him to return the sadle.

He pointed out a few points to take out and redo before placing it back in front of me. "Ye're making good progress."

"Good enough to be allowed to do some metalwork soon?"

"HA! Nice try, kiddo."

I grumbled under my breath, cursing him to be found by the boneknapper and lose his belt buckle early. _Petty, I know._

I began to fidget as Gobber stayed near my workbench, not moving back to the forge or the anvil or… away in any direction. He just stood there watching me work.

I refused to acknowledge him, hating when he got like this. I could handle the pointed jokes and teasing, and the disappointment, just not this battle of wills. I refuse to be intimidated, so it went on for the next half hour.

"Hiccup…" I flinched as he spoke, my hackles rising as I pressed the needle through the leather again. "I-"

"Hiccup!"

I snapped my head up at the squeaky voice and watched Fishlegs hop over to me, watching Gobber's face darken out of the corner of my eye.

"O-oh! Look! It's Fishlegs, well I guess it's that time again," I laughed awkwardly, sliding off my seat and running to take my apron off and swap it for my yak vest. "Uh, sorry to interrupt, maybe next time?" I flicked my eyes over to Gobber as he sighed heavily then quickly averted them again. "Yup, well, uh, gotta go. I'll see you later Gobber."

I waved as I rushed over to Fishlegs.

"HICCUP!"

I tensed and looked over my shoulder, just past the border of the shop.

Gobber's face was crumpled, his eyes wandering my face as his mouth worked, seeming to be grasping for words.

He shook his head, eyes dropping to the floor, only to come back up as he smiled softly at me.

"I'll see you later."

"R-right," I laughed, spinning around to leave, only to bump into Fishlegs. "Ah, sorry."

Fishlegs raised his eyebrows at me and frowned. "What was that?"

I blinked at him as we headed towards Gothi's hut. "What?" I thought back to Gobber's face as I left and brought my shoulders up protectively. "Oh- ohhh, no it's nothing. Really."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Fine. Well, if it's nothing then hurry uuuup. We're gonna be late if you continue to walk so sloooooow."

I jokingly frowned at him. "Hey!"

He grinned cheekily, as he jogged ahead. "Catch uuuup, it's not like you have **one leg** or anything!" he teased.

My mouth dropped open at the jab, and I couldn't help but look skyward for a second. _Seriously?_ "Haha… ha, yeah… sorry…" I murmured as I caught up.

* * *

_I'm tired_ , I thought with a slow exhale of breath that fanned across the knuckles of my tiny hands currently pressed to my bottom lip and cheek as I gazed blankly at the sign language Gothi was drawing out.

It has been six years since I came here, since I died, and so far the only changes I have made to this universe have been for the worse or just had no impact at all. _This sucks_.

My main motivation to move forward, to do something each day, to just get out of bed instead of trying to sleep myself into a coma, has been to change the events of the future, as I know it. I partly decided this because I thought it would be fun… and, I guess, mostly because I'd feel bad, guilty, just letting everything run its course. _Without the real Hiccup here… I would be essentially betraying this entire village, all the dragons under the Queen, and Valka, and probably just all dragons due to Viggo, Drago, and Alvin. I would be the reason this universe falls apart if I didn't at least try._

_Which fucking sucks. It's not like I asked for this._

I let out another heavy sigh as I started to try and list some of the things I need to do to try to change some of the future.

_Still need to learn how to sew, though that's a minor problem as I just want that so I can make a skirt… or at least alter some of Valka's to fit me…_

_Still not allowed to work with metal in the forge, since now the problem Stoic and Gobber pointed out is that I'm too short to even pull down the belllows. True, but annoying._

_Still can't make basic prototypes using wood of the things the original Hiccup made in the series… though I've tried._

_Still can't even see any dragons yet due to Stoic hiding me in the Great Hall during any and all raids, with big Vikings blocking the doors._

_Still not strong enough, or smart enough, or, Hell, even **fast** enough…_

_What if I die again? I- I can't. I'm scared… I **need** to be better! What if I'm not? What if I don't just lose a foot, or if I mess up and someone dies, or if I **kill** Toothless- What if-_

**THWAK!**

My breath stuttered out of my chest as I glared over at Gothi who glared back as I rubbed the back of my head. "Why?"

I shake my head, trying to ease the floating sensation that was almost nauseating.

Scraping sounds tell me that the elder is 'speaking' so I look down at the scrawled 'signs' and frown.

_'If you aren't going to listen, leave,_ _'_ it read.

"Sorry… I was a little distracted. I- uh- I'm meeting the Berserker tribe this afternoon and-"

"Pfft, as if, Hiccup," Ruffnut snorted.

I furrowed my brows and looked over at Ruffnut. She was sitting on the only empty space of Gothi's bench that holds most of the medicinal herbs, swinging her legs back and forth, looking as bored as usual. Her excuse for hanging around today was that her brother was following Gruffnut.

"But I do-" I tried to argue.

"You made the same you do when you do that thing," she explained nonsensically. When I gave her a blank look she waved her hand at Fishlegs. "Explain."

Fishlegs tapped his charcoal against his page and sighed. "Hiccup. I believe Ruff meant the faraway look, the furrowed eyebrows and the very quick breaths. Those things. You know, when you disappear into your head."

_Ah, dissociation… or a dissociative panic attack…? Is that a thing?_ "Oh, I didn't notice…" I murmured nervously, fiddling with my hands. "I g-guess I'm just tired." I shrugged dismissively.

Gothi tapped my shoulder with her staff and started signing again. _'Have you been drinking the herbs?'_

I blinked at the signs and bit my lip. "I- uh… I ran out… though it hadn't really… helped me sleep." I paused and clenched my hand to ease the sick feeling in my chest. "I- I mean it helped me feel tired enough to sleep, just didn't…" I felt heat rise to my cheeks in embarrassment. "Didn't stop the nightmares…" I whispered. Calling them nightmares, which they are but also not, just feels so childish.

_'How long ago did you run out?'_ This was drawn with a heavy sigh, and lots of impatient foot tapping.

"Uhh…" My brain halted as I tried to remember when I last took the tea. I didn't have much faith in it by the time devastating winter cam around but… I think I ran out a few weeks in?

**THWAK!**

"You're a muttonhead," Ruffnut chuckled with a slow shake of her blonde head.

I rubbed the bruise forming on my head and grit my teeth.

Gothi began to rummage through the jars and satchels on her desk, sorting out three small bags of plants. She ran her foot over the previous signs and started again.

_'Nightmares?'_

Heat raced across my face, my neck, and hands, turning the tip of my nose, which I could just see, bright red. Fishlegs and Ruffnut watched me intently as they waited for an answer. _I don't want to talk about this in front of literal children. I am very much not okay._

"Th-they're just…" I sighed as Gothi glared at me. _Fuck._ "I-I get them more wh- when I'm awake… then when I'm asleep… makes it… hard to fall asleep… and-"

Gothi left out a puff of air and put the plants she'd grabbed out back, setting up two different packets of plants and a small jar filled with gel.

"S- sorry…" I stuttered as her frown deepened.

She smacked me with her staff though lighter this time. _'You should have told me sooner.'_ Gothi puts the packets and jar into a leather pouch and hands it to me.

I reached for it only for her to pull it away from my reaching hands. _'Herbs boiled to drink; one before bed. Gel rubbed on chest; light amount after nightmare wake up.'_ I reached for it again, only for her to furrow her brows and take it away again. _'If nothing changes in a week, come back,'_ she added with a glare, finally handing it to me.

"Th-Thank you, Gothi," I murmured, clutching the satchel close.

_'Go home.'_ I stared at the written message and felt my chest squeeze, afraid I won't be allowed back, that I've offended her, that-

Gothi pointed to Ruffnut and gestured to the door.

Ruffnut rolled her eyes and hopped off the desk. "Gothi's riiiiight. You should go relax before meeting up with your dad. You know he **hates** it when you do that thing."

"O-oh…" I breathed, the tightness in my chest easing the slightest bit.

Fishlegs smiled softly at me. "I'll take notes for you," he offered.

"S-sorry… Thank you…" I said as I followed Ruffnut down the stairs, before calling out to her cheekily. "I do know how to get home, by the way."

"Yeah, yeah," she laughed with a roll of her eyes. "Hey, Hiccup?"

"Hmm?"

"What's up with your dad?"

I rubbed my hand over my wrist, gripping the bruise that had formed there from the most recently built (and destroyed, again) obstacle course. "We uh… we've been like this for a while now…"

"Why?"

I sighed, kicking a random stone on our path. "He just… is mad that I won't tell him what's wrong… though I do, I did… I told him it's just nightmares and-" I shrugged. "He got frustrated with that answer."

"Why don't you just tell him the truth then?" she asked, bringing her hands to link behind the back of her head.

I tensed and brought my shoulders up, frowning at her question. _What does she even think the truth is?_ "It- is hard… It's… complicated, since most of it **is** the nightmares and the rest is- it's- Look I just-" I gritted my teeth. "No one would believe me."

Ruffnut scoffed. "We would."

I scuffed my shoe against the ground and sighed, eyes half-lidded. _Maybe you would, maybe you wouldn't. You and Gobber and Stoic should all stop assuming that you're capable of understanding…_

A light tap on my shoulder brings me out of my thoughts to rest my eyes on Ruffnut's frowning face.

"What is **up** with you? You've been so… moody." She gave a disgusted shudder. "Like… worse than Snotlout gets after his dad scowls at him." Her eyelids lower for her to squint at me. "And don't think you can get away with saying it's 'cause **your** dad scowled at you. I'm not **that** stupid."

"You aren't stupid," I sighed with a roll of my eyes. "I just said that it's **complicated**."

"Right, suuuuure," she sneered. I gave her a cursory glance at her comment, not sure where this was coming from. Ruffnut usually just… let me be.

"I just think if you talked to someone it wouldn't be **as** complicated," she said with a huff, kicking some other pebble on the road.

I turned a considering look her way and wondered if this had to do with her family, though I don't want to ask and make her uncomfortable.

"Like, you could talk to Fishlegs. You're both nerds and if it's a nerd thing then he'll understand. Or, like, Snotlout, since you both have daddy problems. Or, like… Anyone. Not me though. I'm not good at that… feeling… stuff," she rambled on, waving her arms about as we made it to the stairs leading up to my house.

"Yeah…" I hummed.

"Though, like, if you caaaan't talk to any of them, then I can… listen, I guess. I would rather be thrown off a cliff, but I could if you really, I mean, reeeeeally needed."

I smiled softly, finding her efforts and great disapproval all the same just a tad cute. _Even if I won't be taking her, or hopefully anyone, up on that offer._

"I'll think about it," I murmured as we reached my front door.

She rolled her cornflower blue eyes and punched my shoulder. "Yeeeeah, just don't think **too** hard about it. Since you're a muttonhead and all."

I bared my teeth in a wide, awkward grin, and closed my front door behind me.

Sucking in a deep breath of air, I let it out in a whoosh, rubbing my hands over my face once I was done.

" _Okay, okay, okay…_ " I whispered to myself before heading upstairs, feeling the usual weight on my chest.

Once in the semi-comfort of my room I pulled out one of my journals and wrote down the intructions Gothi gave me, placing the satchel on my desk after snatching the blanket off my bed to cuddle up in at my desk.

Searching the relative order that was papers and journals and drawings on my desk, I found the one I wrote notes of what happened in the movies and TV series. From it I made a list on the Berserker Chief's son, what little I had written about his interractions with the teens before the TV series…

It was a little awkward, with some query notes about whether he's set his sister out to sea yet, or if he'll really attack me with throwing knives during this visit. _I really hope not… or at least that I'm fast enough to avoid dying…_

I also made a few notes on his preferences, mainly just stuff like how he hates liars, smacking ones lips whilst eating, and how he likes strength and hunting dragons… So, I probably have little chance of winning him over, but I can try…

A breeze blew in threw my window and ruffled the hairs touching the back of my neck causing me to shiver. I rearranged the blanket to warm the now cold spot and looked around the room, my mind drifting to what Ruffnut said…

_Maybe… Maybe I should talk to someone… Someone I won't see often… Someone older…_

* * *

Looking up from another drawing of Toothless, I noticed a bright patch of sunlight warming the corner of my desk. I touched the spot lazily and smiled at the relaxing heat now warming the back of my hand.

_I guess that means it's about mid-afternoon-_

Jolting out of my seat I felt my blanket slip from my shoulders to crumple on the floor. " _Fuuuuck,_ " I hissed, thankful I hadn't taken off any of my clothes since coming home.

I rushed out of my bedroom, and out of the house, hoping, begging, not to be late.

Trying to save time I hopped down the stairs two at a time, slipping when I neared the last six steps to fall all the way down.

Hitting the ground, I ignored the sting in my knees and butt and bolted for the harbour.

I weaved through the people in the center of the village and rushed down the steep wooden planks to reach where the ships made port.

Spotting Stoic, standing tall in all his Chief-ly glory, I rushed over, out of breath as I skidded to a halt in front of him.

I glanced out towards the horizon and saw that the Berserker ships were still a few minutes away.

"You're late," Stoic rumbled, with a roll of his shoulders that shifted his cape.

"Glad you could make it," Gobber added heartilly from the other side of Stoic. I jumped at the sound of his voice, having not expected him.

"G-Gothi sent me home early… so my timing was off," I offered quietly, clearing my throat.

"Oh. She did, did she?" Stoic replied gruffly.

"Y- yeah… Sorry I'm late…"

"Ah, yes. It's… fine. They aren't here yet," he huffed, cearing his throat too.

Gobber sighed and readjusted his prosthetic hook. He muttered something about axes under his breath.

"Yup… so uhhh… what do you need me for?" I asked already knowing I was supposed to entertain the Berserker Chief's son, though I wanted a little more advice than that… and to ease this damned atmosphere.

"Oh? Hmm well, I need to sign the treaty with Oswald the Agreeable, Chief of the Berserker tribe," Stoic intoned.

"I got that."

"And I need you to keep his… lunat- his un-agreeable… son- busy. Yes," he added brusquely, his voice more like claps of thunder in his discomfort.

"Ah, right. I like Dagur," I hummed, watching the approaching ships with a half-smile. I probably won't be given any more advice then… _Oh, well_ , I thought, my smile becoming a little toothy. _I am, maybe a little bit, excited about meeting Dagur. He was my favourite character in the series and meeting him as a kid is just so-_

Stoic turned wide eyes to me, his voice incredulous as he asked, "You've met before?"

I jolted and looked around for a moment, rubbing my arm and gnawing on my lip at the slip up. I glanced up at Stoic, watching his eyebrows drop low in confusion. "No? Not really?"

"Oh. I see then," he hummed, obviously not convinced.

I cleared my throat again. "Yup. So Ah-"

"STOIC!" bellowed a deep, gravelly voice from the ship, laughter echoing out uproariously.

A large, bear-like man swung over the edge of the ship to land on the docks beside us with a loud thud. He stood almost as tall as Stoic, his own helmet adorning his head with thin tooth like spikes across the center like a Mohawk, and two thick black tusks coming out either side of it. Also like Stoic, he had a long, bushy beard with a braid down the center that reached the wide belt, with the Berserker symbol of the Skrill, which spread across the his diaphragm.

He had wide green eyes that sat above a bulbous nose, from which a mustache a thick as the tusks on his helmet grew. The man, who was obviously a warrior, carried no weapons, only a bright friendly smile missing his right canine tooth was aimed at the Chief of Berk.

"Good to see you, Old Friend," he shouted with his hand clasped on his hips, his entire body shaking with his delighted chuckles. Behind him, several members of his tribe disembarked the ship with wide, friendly smiles of their own.

I found myself unable to stop the responding smile the lightened my face, despite not having met this man before.

"Oh! And what is this?" he called, tapping his fist against Stoic's shoulder-plates. "A fishbone?!"

Feeling those wide eyes glance down at me with his comment, I felt conflicted. _Huh, to be amused, or not to be amused?_ I thought, unsure whether to resist the slight smile tugging my lips.

The loud rumble of Stoic's responding laughter rolled over, soothing something in my soul. _How long has it been since I've heard him chuckle even a little? A year? Longer?_

He threw his arm around my shoulders, shaking me gently with his chuckles, and grinned with bright white teeth down at me, his eyes filled with warmth and love, as if the strain between us wan't even there. I relaxed into the comfortable heat of his arm and smiled softly up at him.

As if he just realised there was supposed to be distance between us, his eyes dimmed, arm tensing and untensing. I felt the guilt eating at my heart again.

Stoic poked, who I assumed to be the Berserker Chief, in the chest, his grin just as wide as it was before. "He's my son, Hiccup, and you better remember that," he declared, pride saturating his voice as he pulled me closer to his side.

Unsure of myself again, I stayed where was, unwilling to interrupt their reunion.

A bright head of orange hair standing on end came into view and I blinked, eyes caught on wild forest green eyes.

"What's this red devil you seem to have caught, Oswald?" Stoic chuckled, his on gaze landing on the young, slightly muscular boy now beside Oswald.

Oswald let out the loud rumble of roaring laughter I was now starting to associate with him, as the boy, three years my senior, scowled in contempt at Stoic and his father. "You know Dagur hates being called that," he chuckled.

Dagur's gaze locked with mine as he seemed to finish snarling at the adults, the irises and pupils of his eyes interestingly smaller than most I had seen giving him a sharper look. _He looks just like a delinquent manag character._ I was close enough to see that he was a little grubby and had some dirt on his cheek giving life to the imagery of a dwarf.

He squinted his eyes at me, mouth in a thin line before turning to the adults again, seeming to dismiss me. "Where are the dragons?" he growled, eyes still squinted.

Stoic blinked at him in surprise before turning to Oswald.

"Haha, he's just a bit excited since we were fortunate enough not to get attacked on the way over," Oswald chuckled.

"More like unfortunate," Dagur muttered under his breath.

"Much to his disappointment though. Can't seem to get enough of those beasts," Oswald continued with a smile.

"Ah, much like my son here, then," Stoic huffed with a joking glare down at me. "He keeps trying to get out during the raids to see the dragons, the little devil."

"Bahaha, they should get along well then," the Berserker Chief snorted. At this Dagur turned back to me with a considering look.

"Ah, well, I'm sure Hiccup here can find something for them to do while we do the boring Chief duties," Stoic added with a chuckle, winking down at me.

"Hic… cup," Dagur said, as if testing how the name feels in his mouth.

I cleared my throat nervously, unsure how to act in the presence of a character I cheered on, laughed with, cried for… It was nerve-wracking, if exciting.

"Oh yeah…" I hummed. "Uh, nice to meet you." I held out my hand to him. "I hope we can b-be good friends." I smiled at him, blush heating my face.

Dagur's face pulls up into a big, false grin as he laughs long and loud in an unnerving manner, both our fathers already walking up to the village with the other Berserkers trailing behind.

I grinned with him, this time really unable to keep the smirk off my face as my eyes lit up. _His deranged laugh! In person! Ahhhhh!_

"Oh- oh- oh. Ohhh," he hitched, eyes rolling up before dropping back to me. "Suuuuure, so long as you aren't boooooring like my **father** ," he spat.

I smiled brighter, hoping to do at least that, Dagur's own smile becoming more crooked as his eyebrows scrunched together, almost as if unsure.

"Oh, yeah… well I know a few places we could go… games we could play…" I trailed off, gaze taking in his growing muscles as I ruled out Hide'n'Go Kill. _Not that I'd voluntarily play that with anyone… Is he really only nine though…_

Dagur grinned wider. "Is that so?"

I started walking up the planks to the village, gesturing for Dagur to follow me. "I know a few good places in the forest and down by the beaches that are fun."

I tried not to skip as we walked, feeling lighter than I had in a while. _I really hope we can become good friends. One, because then he's no longer a future enemy, and b, because future Dagur is an awesome tactician, and funny, and hot, and would be really cool to hang out with and-_ I bit my lip and tried to stop the blush spreading over my face. _Shut up brain, not helping._

"Ah, and-" I paused trying to think of what to say as I turned to look at Dagur, his face neutral. "N-next time, if you come back with your dad next year… then I can have the obstacle course fixed and we could have a race. I think you'll like it… If- if you want…"

"Oh that does sound fun," Dagur growled with a crooked grin.

We had reached the edge of the forest now so I stopped to turn to Dagur since he seemed to want to say something, or so I assumed.

The grin on his face grew as his eyes lit up with an idea or something fun. I smiled with him, his smiles just as contagious as his father's. "How about now we play… a Berserker game?"

"Sure," I agreed with a wide grin, glad he seemed just as eager to become friends. "What kind of game is it?"


	10. Chapter 10. How to Entertain a Future Chief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violence, panic attacks, fear, blades. Flashacks, Dissociation. Dagur being Dagur. Oc!Hiccup having speaking issues. Hypervigilance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: YAY! I made it to Ten Chapters XD So happy!
> 
> Next few chapters are going to be really important for plot with lots of divergence from the original plot, mainly working towards difference in the TV series right now o.o
> 
> So uh, I think I'm late? Again… p.q but but I finished this one in one sitting… and it's super awkward at times and… uh yeah. I'm gonna go sleep. I forgot to do that when I started last night… It's six am for me right now. But I don't have a life much outside of uni so it's fine (probably)
> 
> Definite and Major Spoilers/False Spoilers for the TV series (You have been warned)
> 
> Ah and Trigger Warning for Violence, panic attacks, stuff
> 
> As usual, Enjoy~ Or not~

" _words_ " - English

"words" - Icelandic

 _words_ – thoughts

 _'words'_ – written words

* * *

The cold breeze that had chilled me to the bones, earlier in the day, now cooled my sweaty, overheated muscles and burned my lungs as I ran. Jumping over another fallen log I thanked my lucky stars for not tripping over it like I would have in my previous life.

I was so far into the forest surrounding the village that I no longer knew where I was, survival the only thought in my mind.

_Well, survival and how the absolutely FUCK I could have forgotten why Hiccup didn't get along with Dagur in the beginning. I'm a fucking idiot._

" _Fuck_ ," I hissed, my ankle throbbing as the edges of a dead branch scraped it.

I stumbled forward, my pace slowing in the slightest and-

**Whisk. _THUNK. THUNK!_**

I kicked up a bunch of foilage as I put all of my strength in my legs to push on, to keep running, to keep _moving_.

I focused my eyes on a spot in front of me to ensure I wouldn't freeze at the gleaming knives inbedded in the trunk beside me.

_The blade rested against my throat, my own eyes watching it catch the light and reflect it back at the mirror. My own visage distorted in my peripheral vision, unsure if I was displaying my fear so honestly and hoping I wasn't._

I shook my head to clear it of the image, each breath so much shorter as my heart tried to quicken even more. Everything seemed to slow as I ran, time no longer real. _How long had I been running? Minutes? Hours?_ I couldn't move my legs fast enough, each placement of my feet too slow, not pushing off, not lifting back up fast enough for the next step and the next.

Bile mixed with the burning of oxygen as I took in each acrid breath to fuel my straining muscles. My legs were getting heavier and heavier to lift though they had yet to begin aching from the abuse; one of the things that made me grateful for adrenaline.

I vaguely wondered how much adrenaline I had left in my system before I'd just collapse.

_Straining to stay in place I told myself that they wouldn't cut me. She can't, we're friends. Friends don't do that._

_"Hey, c-cut it out would you? This i-isn't funny," I stammered, cringing at how I spoke at a higher pitch, the fear tightening my vocal cords._

_"Haha, what are you talking about?" she giggled. "This is hilarious."_

_Turning my gaze from the gleaming edge, I tried to read her face, hoping to find something, anything that would tell me that it **is** a joke._

_A wide euphoric grin sliced across her face, her eyes gleaming almost as much as the knife with malicious glee. I could almost taste the metallic tang of blood as the edge was pressed tighter to my throat._

_"St-_

_Stop_ ," I snarled at my overractive mind, focusing on my feet just as I stepped on a sharp stone and slipped. " _Fuck_." My hands reached out and ripped at the trunk of a tree beside me, ripping my palms up in the process.

Laughter echoed from the direction I had been fleeing, throwing a weight on my gut as I realised it wasn't as far as I had hoped.

"Hiccup! I'm coming for you!" Dagur sang happily from the same spot.

 _He's pulling out his knives_ , I thought with a sickened shudder.

I looked around me for a cave or burrow or-

I felt the bark of the tree sting the palms of my hands and I looked up.

_Snap!_

Flinching at the sound I scrambled up the tree, sending a quiet thank you to the twins as I settled into the branches with enough foilage to cover me. Calming my breaths, I stilled, reaching out with my senses for any hint of movement.

"Hiccup?" Dagur called, a rising intonation at the end as he came up the spot I had fallen. His held was tilted down as I imagined him looking at the disturbance I had caused to the forest floor from my fall. "Ooooh oh oh oh! Have you hidden from me?" He chuckled quietly, deftly spinning a blade between his fingers. "Clever…"

I watched him bend down to see which direction I went and figured I had a few moments to consider my options. _And re-evaluate my life choices. Like why I thought it was a good idea to let him pick the game. Not that I would have had a choice but come on, did it really have to go this way?_

I shook my head slowly, too conscious of shifting the branches that held me. _What choices do I even have right now? Sure, I could hope he doesn't realise I'm here and just stay here until he has to leave the island; or I could run along the trees and possibly fall and snap my neck in my haste. Not great options but what else could I-_

Dagur rose from his position on the ground, chuckling quietly at first before growing louder.

_He's going to see me._

That was the last thought that went through my mind before instincts took over.

I jumped. I hurled myself from the tree at Dagur as fear yet again clouded my critical thinking abilities, allowing me to forget how small I am. My hands reached out to pin him to the ground but his head turned, a smile pulling at his lips as he turned.

He didn't move fast enough for me to avoid me, not that I'm sure that was his goal, as my hands met nothing but my face impacted his.

We both met the ground in a tangle of limbs. The skin of my palms was even more grated as a loud ringing exploded in my ears, my eyes swirling with the dizziness of a concussion. Suddenly the initial nausea wasn't as easy to deal with anymore.

"Thor's hammer," Dagur murmured as I felt him shift under me, thankfully dazed as well.

I clumsily pinned his wrists either side of his head, frustrated that neither of my hands fit around them.

Something gleamed out of the corner of my eye, dread and hope warring in me as I noticed the knife was within my reach, having fallen from Dagur's grip as we collided.

Gravity shifted, the air leaving my lungs and winding more so on top of falling out of the tree already had.

I gazed up into eyes the same colour as the leaves above me and shuddered, my stomach clenching with fear as the world around us swirled.

My heart rate had begun to slow in the short moment that I was in control but it picked up again as Dagur's hands pressed mine harder into the dirt, the backs of them tingling alerting me that there will be a bruise there later. _If there is a later…_

_"Stop it, stop, stop," I pleaded, my eyes brimming with tears as air became harder and harder to take in, my skin breaking out in a cold sweat as the fear pooled high in my chest._

_My hand tightened around her wrist that held the knife, my other hand gripping the arm against my chest. I didn't remember moving to grab her arm and wrist._

_The knife pressed tighter against my throat… and I felt something just… snap._

I struggled to move my arms as the eyes above me began to look the same dark brown as _hers,_ the bright red hair darkening to an almost black as I felt tendrils of it brush the sides of my face, the grin less victorious, more violent, threatening, _dangerous._ I felt everything become more distant, my sharp breaths more felt instead of heard, the sharp pull on my skin from a stick under me fading to the background.

The pressure on my torso became more intense as I was no longer able to move my arms or shoulders, so I kicked.

I kicked and I thrashed, as I heard a solid _oomf_ from the figure above me, filling me with a moment's satisfaction, then more so as the grip on my wrists loosened and I rolled on top of the now distorted figure, taking back the control with my forearm on their throat, their arms under them, and pressing all of my weight onto them, successfully pinning my assailant.

Delighted laughted brought my eyes to focus on small, dark green eyes. I once again saw Dagur as he was and almost relaxed. Almost. His wide grin electrified my nerves with expectation. _If he tries to pin me again, I'll run._

I felt his legs shift and I tried to pin them, frowning when his legs pinned mine instead.

I couldn't move. My lower half was stuck unless I shifted my torso, which, obviously, was not an option.

I growled in the back of my throat, frustrated. _I just want to stop._

Dagur's grin grew impossibly more so as he shifted his arms out from under him as I was unable to increase the pressure I was putting on his chest to trap them.

His arm was almost free as he just grinned at me.

_I ripped her arm away from me and pushed her away, turning my back to the wall as I faced her with my arms up._

_"P-put it… down," I huffed, breath coming in too sharp, too quick to properly fill my lungs, leaving me shaky and my mind foggy._

_She laughed and held the knife up, slashing it towards me in a playful manner. I flinched with each moment, pulling my hands away as it grew closer and reaching for it as she drew it away._

_"Put it down!" I shouted as it got too close._

_She laughed even more, the violent glint to her eyes brighter than before as she lunged towards me._

_Time slowed, the few seconds stretching themselves to be longer than they were. I smacked her hand down as it got too close, the blade flying from her grip as it hit the far wall. All too soon, time regained its regular speed and I ran to the knife, my so-called friend simply staring at her hand._

Dagur's hand slipped out from under him as he finally freed one arm and I blanked, I threw my head forward, colliding my skull against his in a desperate attempt to _keep him from the knife_.

His eyes closed with a loud groan as his legs slipped from mine.

I had yet to process the pain, the first impact still ringing in my ears as I leapt off him and for the knife. My slippery palms grasped the blade handle firmly and I took it with me up the tree.

It took me seconds to reclimb the tree, and once higher up in the branches than the first time, I realised he still had more on him.

I warily watched him roll about on the ground.

"You fight dirty!" he called up as he stopped rolling about, his hands covering the spot I hit.

My forehead ached. I shrugged in response as he looked up at me from his place on the ground.

"Are you sure you're a Hooligan?" he asked with a grin, his hands dropping to spread out beside him. "Because you'd make a great Berserker."

I sighed as his innocent smile turned my stomach. _Ass handed to me by a nine-year-old_ , I thought as I tried to find humour in this. It was the kind of world I lived in now. I don't think that being hunted will be common but if things follow the storyline then I should expect this treatment in a few years. _Yeah, just think of it as practice._

I shook slightly.

Dagur's eyes sparkled as his smile seemed to soften. "Want me to teach you how to be a Beserker? You already have a headstart."

I scrunched up my face at his offer and bit my lip as my mind warred. Tactically speaking, that would be a great idea; fostering friendship and gaining a few skills at the same time.

Mentally, however, the idea was daunting, my stomach heaving simply at the idea of climbing down this tree, let alone allowing him within arms reach.

"Is that permitted?" I called down to him, trying to buy time as my thoughts sorted themselves out.

I watched his face scrunch in disgust, rolling his eyes. "Like I care." He smugly folded his hands behind his head, looking comfortable of the dirt floor. "So?"

I frowned, and took a breath to say… something, I wasn't sure whether it was a denial or an affirmative or just another question, he switched gears too fast for me to even respond.

"No!" he shouted as I opened my mouth. I closed it again so fast my teeth clicked together as I glared down at him. "I am going to teach you. You can't say no."

"That's not how _consent_ works," I sighed.

"What?" His brows drew together as I assumed he tried to understand what I said.

"Fine," I growled, rolling my eyes as I steeled my nerves. "So long as it doesn't involve being chased, beaten or having knives thrown at me."

He squinted, his mouth forming a thin line. "Not if you don't want it too."

* * *

It took me five minutes to climb down the tree after Dagur agreed not to attack me unprovoked, and after we discussed what unprovoked meant. He stayed on the ground as I feebly made my way onto the stable ground.

I leaned against the trunk as I tried to stop my knees from wobbling.

Dagur sat up slowly, his hand on his chin and focus turned inwards while I remained against the tree.

"Do you… know how to throw knives? Or axes?" he asked uncertainly.

I flinched and eyed him warily. "No?"

His eyes lit up slightly, his mouth curving into another grin.

"You smile a lot." I pressed my hand to my chest, unnerved by the lack of squish as I rubbed a spot over my heart to ease some of the pain that formed there.

"Oh?" He stood up and walked closer to me. As fragile as I felt, I moved to the side away from the tree, glad to feel me legs holding up. He didn't come to me though, he just walked up the tree then turned around and seemed to count paces. "I don't think I smile that much."

He gestured for me to join him, holding his hand out for his knife when I timidly did so.

"All us Berserkers use many different weapons, though it's not… taught. We all just teach ourselves…" Dagur's green eyes locked on mine expectantly as I hesitated to relinquish the knife.

I sighed and handed it over, keeping close watch on his movements, though I was sure that if he wanted to, he could kill me before I could even think to react.

"But…" he hummed as he flipped the knife end over end. "I can teach you this as a sort of… beginner's lesson. So you can see how Berserker's do it." He smirked at me for a moment, his eyes glinting in the light breaking through the cover of the trees. His brow furrowed as he caught the knife before turning back to me with an almost sheepish smile. "Without having to dodge it…"

I exhaled again and returned his grin with a weak smile of my own.

"Watch how I throw it, okay?"

I nodded and followed the movement of his arm and wrist with my eyes, watching as he flicked the knife and how it spinned to hit the tree.

He did this a few times before getting me to takes the knife. I was made to count six steps from the tree before throwing it.

I remembered being eighteen and buying a set of throwing knives from the markets and throwing them at an old piece of wood. I think the success rate of it actually sticking was aboud fifty-fifty, with maybe a quarter of those sticking with the handle. It was pretty fun.

After a few throws Dagur adjusted my stance, my hand, and guided my arm and wrist through the motion.

"You want to flick from your wrist, not throw it."

It was a little awkward but after a few throws Dagur stopped pulling out his hair as I threw it…

"Hey, Hiccup?"

"Yeah?" I retrieved the knife and took my paces back to the same throwing spot and turned to face the tree, smiling as I saw the few indentations I'd made even though they were no where near as solid as Dagur's, nine-year-old or no.

"You're a runt."

I slid him a sideways glance before throwing the knife, satisfied as it stuck. _This is really therapeutic._ "What of it?"

"So… You're probably being bullied because of it."

I slid him another sideways glance, unable to fathom what he was getting at. I sighed and went to retrieve the knife again. "I don't think I've been bullied by anyone here aside from you."

Dagur guffawed in response, his laughter echoing through the forest and I flinched at the noise, though I did smile a little.

"Haha, oh oh, well. That's a shame."

I turned to face him and furrowed my brow. "Why?"

He looked up and tilted his head to the side. "Would be nice to have a moving target to practice on."

A flash of the chase earlier came to mind and my shoulders became wrought with tension. I had the knife back in hand as I paced myself back to the throwing spot, but my mind started turning. _A moving target, that isn't alive, is a pretty good idea. Oh._

I grinned, grabbing hold of Dagur's hand (an old habit from my past life) and also bounced in place as an idea began forming in my mind. "Oh! I can make one!"

He blinked at me, grin dropping and returning in the space of a few seconds. "Ohhh! Who do you have in mind?"

My grin slipped off my face as I tilted my head and blinked owlishly at him. _What?_ My mouth dropped as I caught on and just rapidly shook my head side to side. "Nonono, no no! Uhh, not a person, I didn't mean a person. I meant like a, uhh, wooden or straw target or something." I felt heat fill my face, hand gripping his tighter as I tried to realign my thoughts. "Ahh… Right, yes. Uhm, I was thinking that I can make one and uhh… n-next year I can make it part of the obstacle course as like… a combat section… fo-for when you come back."

I bit my lip and tried to will the heat out of my face. _Great. I'm still just as socially inept as always… and I really thought I was getting better at this…_

Dagur tilted his head to the side with a slight frown. "You make it sound like I am coming back next year."

Thus the heat stubbornly remained as I gaped like a fish out of water. "O-Oh… n-no, I-I didn't mean t-to assume or a-anything," I stammered, releasing Dagur's hands as I waved my hands in front of me as if I could erase this moment.

"BAHAHAH! I'm joking!" he snorted and slapped my arm.

I felt very warm, with the heat from my face now creeping down my neck and over my ears. "Ohh…" I bit my lip to try and ease the feeling of mortification, and rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "Sorry… I just… I would be disappointed if you didn't… come back," I murmured with a soft smile. _Fuck, someone kill me that was way too awkward._ _Did I say socially inept? Evidently, I meant socially backwards… Can't even pick up a joke… Fucking fuck._

"Oh, I… I didn't think you'd care," he offered with an awkward smile of his own, his brow furrowed.

I scoffed, nearly laughing at that. Not to be rude though. "I think any fan would be."

"Fan?"

I blinked. "Oh, uh, no, uh," I fumbled for words and failed to grasp any to fix that. _Fuck_. I flapped my hands before me again and turned my face away as I denied it again.

A hand on my stopped my wild gestures and brought my attention to the haughty grin that adorned nine-year-old Dagur's face. "Fan, huh?"

I rolled my eyes at him and stuck my tongue out childishly. "Yeah, of future you," I snorted, with a cheeky grin. _He's soooo cute._

"Future me?" His brow furrowed in confusion as he considered me. "I don't get it."

I chuckled and shrugged, feeling the heat in my face stick there. _Maybe not my smartest move._ "Maybe~ I'll tell if you ask me about… say a year from now," I sang teasingly. _Nice save, me. He'll forget and then I can put this day behind me._

Dagur glared at me with a deep frown. "That's not fair. I want to know now!"

I waved my finger back and forth, tsking at his response. "You won't believe me, and I don't like people thinking I'm a liar."

He growled, his brow furrowing even more. "I believe you! I don't think you're a liar!"

I poked my tongue out again. "Then prove it."

"How…?" he asked with a look of suspicion. "I can't prove it unless you tell me…"

"Well…" I hummed. "You can prove it by waiting." I frowned as I tried to word it better, looking up at Dagur somewhat awkwardly. "If you wait a year… and remember then…" _I have completely forgotten where I was going with that. Fuck… Uhhh…_ "Then you'll have proved that… that you can consider things thoroughly with a lot of time…. And thus! Proving that you won't make immediate judgements, like that I'm a liar just because it's not normal." I gave him a half-smile and tried not to just hit my head against the tree. _Socially backwards is sounding truer by the minute._

"That was… complicated," he huffed still frowning. "Just tell me."

I sighed and fiddled with the knife. _Maybe I can just run back to the village and say I lost him and then avoid him for the next few years. Pretend none of this happened._ I looked around the forest and realised I had no idea how to get back. I sighed heavily again and gave Dagur a pitiful look.

"How about a… deal?" I offered and pulled my hands over my face. _How do other people do this talking thing? Is it supposed to be this hard?_

Dagur smirked at the word 'deal' and leaned closer to me. "Ohh?"

I took a few breaths, hoping to not just word vomit again. "Well, if you remember to ask next year then I'll do one thing you want. A favour of sorts, one that doesn't have a time limit so you can save it for years or just ask for it then and there. So you can choose to use it whenever." _Not that he will remember._ "If you forget then you have to do a favour for me. Though I won't tell you about the future thing unless you remember to ask. Okay?"

A feral, full-toothed grin pulled at Dagur's face as he chuckled with glee. "Oh oh. Ohhh… Deal," he snickered. "You're going to regret this."

I grinned back with just as much teeth. "Don't kid yourself. I give it two weeks. No! TWO. DAYS. Before you forget."

"Ohh… Big words for a runt."

* * *

Humiliatingly, after that I had to have Dagur, who hadn't been to Berk before, lead us back to the village, something he took great joy in mentioning for the whole trip back. Well, when he wasn't teaching me about the Berserker war cry and their battle prowess. I'm not sure he's aware of anything else that Berserker's did, or do, aside from war.

We made it back just as the Chiefs were leaving the Great Hall, thankfully.

There wasn't much more time after that before the Berserkers had to return to their ship. In fact, we had to head straight for the docks as we met back up with our fathers.

Once at the docks, the Chief of the Berserkers and the Chief of the Hairy Hooligans made a big fuss of saying goodbye with a lot of needled jokes and a few punches to the arms.

Dagur made an unpleasant face at our fathers and I couldn't help but feel relieved I wasn't expected to participate in the jock like behaviour. So I hugged him.

I felt him pull back to look at me with an almost inquiring look, like he was confused, but it fell back into his usual grin as he hugged me back. It felt nice. Or it did until he gave me a noogie.

I pulled away with a disgruntled yowl and glared at him playfully.

"Better keep your end of our deal, Hiccup!" he called as he hopped onto the ship. "I won't accept 'I forgot' as an excuse!"

I let out a bark of laughter, and grinned in appreciation. "I won't be the one forgetting!" I stuck my tongue out at him as I watched them sail away.

A large hand dwarfed my shoulder, reminding me I wasn't alone on the dock.

"What in Odin's green land did you say to him?" Stoic asked with one of his eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise.

I smiled up at him, trying to surpress a snicker. "It's a secret," I sang cheekily.

Stoic's gaze softened as he looked at me and heaved a great sigh. "You have a few too many secrets for a six-year-old."

My smile dropped to a half as I tried not to feel guilty. "Sorry," I offered with a shrug of my shoulders.

He shook his head and patted my head with his large hand. It was warm and comforting even as I remembered the line from the film about him popping a dragon's head clean off its shoulders with his bare hands.

We headed from the docks back into the village before we parted ways.

It was only mid-afternoon even as I had felt like Dagur and I had been in the forest for hours. Most of the village was still out and about, thus keeping Stoic busy as he made his way through whatever today's list consisted of.

I pondered on what I should do upon returning to the house, or whether I should go help Gobber out instead, even if there wasn't much for me to do.

Catching odd movements in my peripheral vision, I noticed Snotlout standing towards the edge of the village with a very concerned look as he hopped form foot to foot, seeming to be jogging in place.

"Worried. Want to go. Can't go. Argh. But-" I heard him muttering as I was a few meters away though not close enough to talk or reach out.

After looking around I realised he was looking at me with that expression.

I bit my lip and tried not to outwardly express how heart-warming and, more importantly, cute I found that.

Though worrying someone isn't necessarily a nice feeling so I tried to work out how to tell him I'm fine. It's times like these that having a secret friendship is a bit awkward.

I continued walking towards my house but quickly shot a wide grin his way with an awkward thumbs up. I hoped that was enough.

My smile turned soft as I watched him sag in relief, finally standing still, and had to resist a soft sigh of my own.

"Oh, thank Thor," I heard him cheer, as I walked up to the stairs leading to my front door.

I wonder if he saw me being chased by Dagur, and that's why he was worried… I really hope not. That was stressful enough without adding concern from a friend on top of that.

I sighed as I opened my front door. _Yes, today was very…_ I held that thought for a moment as the day finally caught up with me.

I slid into a chair around the fire and lit it for warmth and peace of mind. As the flames licked as the air and consumed the wood in its pit, I felt my limbs relax into jelly.

I gripped my arms as I shook with rekindled fear to accompany the memories. _And I'm supposed to go through this again? And worse stuff in the future?_

I shuddered as I held my hands out to the flames, desperate to feel the heat. I hissed as the heat stung my palms and turned them toward me instead.

I shook a little more at the shredded state of my hands, not having expected them to be so bad. Skin was torn off my palms in strips in some place and the blood had dried over dirt and small stones.

Breathing heavily through my nose, I moved to rinse my wounds, gritting my teeth at the sharp sting of air hitting my wounds.

I frowned as I remembered that I hit my ankle and checked that too, disappointed to see a bright angry mark when there had been so much padding in the way. _I'm surprise it didn't hurt to walk._

Flinching at the sting of water on that as well, though more from the cold, I tried to smother the feelings of weakness and powerlessness under the brighter motions of the day. _Like I kind of made another friend and_ -

Tears brimmed in my eyes as the fear tried to pull me under.

I bit my lip and went to make myself a tea.

_I want to go home._


End file.
